Early draft of statement of purpose

[confusedgradhopeful]

I am not sure if i am headed in the right direction. I want to make sure i have a good foundation before i get too deep. If you would please look at my statement and let me know of any changes. I am not sure if it is too short. I have always thought that short and to the point is better but maybe not. thanks

 

 

Statement of Purpose

I am applying to San Francisco State’s Masters of Science in Computer Science program. I am interested in the different ways in which computers have impacted and will continue to impact our society.

 

My Academic background is not in a Technical field however the experience I gained from my undergraduate degree in Linguistics gives me a strong analytical toolkit that can easily be transferred to the study of Computer Science. The methodical research approach necessary to classify phonemes and grammatical structures is very similar to the way in computers process data. Having already developed this capability on a non-technical field I would like to increase my knowledge by applying these techniques to a wide array of problems that can be solved only through advanced computing structures.

 

In addition to the academic background that I possess I also have a great deal of practical knowledge of diverse series of technologies. Ever since my Elementary school days I have been working with computer’s many of which were outdated even for that time. My first computer had no hard drive, everything was stored in 5 ¼ floppy and while this was old even those time today I can say it has inspired me to always find solutions even when others have given up. This perseverance has helped me to excel in my internship at Tri-Net Communications Inc. in which I worked with the President of the organization to design and implement efficient systems for call termination. Additionally, I have since 2000 worked on an independent basis as a freelance computer technician. I have done repairs on a variety of computer systems and in a variety of fields including Operating System modification and home networking.

 

What I hope to achieve from graduating from the program is not only a complete understanding of the most intimate details of logic and computer programming but also the ability to take these abstract concepts and to apply them to real world problems. I hope to work not only in trying to create more efficient computer systems but also to use these systems to improve on the world in anyway possible.

 

In conclusion I would like to thank you for taking the time to consider my application and my qualifications for your prestigious program. You can rest assured that if I am allowed into your program I will work to my utmost capacity to excel academically. I look forward in hearing from you soon.

 

Thank You.

[selecttext]

Have you looked at any example SOPs online? Here are some examples of successful statements from international and american students: http://alumnus.caltech.edu/~natalia/studyinus/guide/statement/samples.htm

 

Your opening paragraph is vague. The admissions committee already knows what you are applying to. You should follow a format such as "I am interested in..." "Therefore, I would like to study...". "It is my goal to" "Professor X would be a good fit to supervise this research because..." "I would be an excellent fit in department Y at university Z because" "I have excellent preparation for research of this sort because" etc

 

Be specific and only focus on positives. E.g., you could replace "my academic background is not in a technical field however..." with "my undergraduate degree in linguistics has prepared me for work in computer science because". 

 

I would exclude your 'no hard drive' anecdote since it does not express how booting from a floppy has helped you develop analytical skills. It isn't anything impressive. Focus on your accomplishments during your internship and work experience.

 

Your statement has not expressed an academic purpose - what aspect of computer science do you want to study and what do you hope to achieve. 

Edited January 3, 2013 by david.timerman

[CHOCTICK]

I agree with the above.

 

-Stay positive

-Research Computer Science via google, find a field you love, discuss areas of field you would like to study and your unique applications. This will require some creativity.

-Ensure each paragraph has atleast 4 sentences. Your intro is short and elementary.