Reactions by others to starting a PhD

[Arthur Read]

I'm an international student and when I tell some of my friends I'm going overseas to do a PhD later in the year it's sometimes met with responses like "oh ok" or just no response at all like they either don't care or aren't happy for me for whatever reason, or possibly even envy (this is even the case for some friends I've known for a long time.) Having said that, I've also had some friends give me very positive responses like "congrats! I'm so happy excited for you, that's awesome."

 

I think I might just stop telling people (I haven't told that many) or only tell if asked..

 

Have any of you guys been met with negative responses from others when telling them?

[CarlieE]

Some people I've met don't really understand what a PhD entails; it's not a part of their world, so they think I'm telling them I'm starting a new job or just switching to a different university and basically doing the same thing I did in UG. Some people also think that doing a Phd is a cop out, a way to avoid "having to get a job". 

 

Most people who have a blase response to my telling them simply don't have a point of reference for "how to react". They don't know how hard it is to get into a good program, or they think it's just a matter of applying just like for a BA degree. 

 

Think about it this way: you probably don't react the way some people hope you will to other things ie. if someone tells you "I'm getting divorced" you might say "Oh, that's too bad" but they were looking for a little more empathy than that. Or a friend is absolutely ecstatic that they won an award for Most Hotdogs Eaten in 30 Seconds and you might say "uh... yeah, that's awesome", and not really exhibit the same enthusiasm they have or were looking for from you. Its just different experiences and priorities that inform their reactions (and yours) to certain situations. 

 

I take it you got in somewhere though.. so CONGRATS!!! In this forum we know how hard it is!!! 

[ak48]

I don't understand why other people's reactions to your PhD matter that much. Would it be any different if they reacted the same way to you getting a job overseas instead of a PhD?

 

If your close friends/family are happy for you, that's great. If others are indifferent or envious, well screw them. People who aren't happy with your success shouldn't be the ones you surround yourself with.

 

Having said that, I hope you've been tactful about mentioning your PhD plans. It might come across as bragging or arrogant if you bring it up without context. Like, what if somebody you knew kept mentioning how he got a new job at the start of every conversation? He'd look arrogant.

[Guest |||]

People vary, as shakespheare once likely wrote "They vary a lot, actually"

[nackteziege]

I had to do a lot of justifying and answering a lot of questions with my mom; academia is just not a world she really knows.  I've endured the "but you'll be an adjunct forever" type statements.  People have told me to go get a "real" job.  Sometimes it's hard to tell people because it feels pretentious, but most often to me it feels indulgent.  In some contexts I've started to tell people that I want to be a professor; giving the end goal seems to make people more understanding.

[cicada]

Where I'm from, getting a PhD pretty much equals being lazy and not wanting to get a "real job" in people's minds, especially because being a student is almost free, so it's much easier to get into PhD programs than in the US. Since it's free, a lot of freshmen just go to the university because they haven't figured out what they want to do with their lives yet, and end up dropping classes when they find a job or something they're more interested in, so when you say you're doing a PhD, you also get this image of the lazy student who doesn't do anything but sleep and party. However, it's really hard to get funding, so most of the time you need to work part-time to pay the bills... Saying how much a PhD costs in the US, and that I got offered full funding does the trick for me, they suddenly think I'm super smart and stop telling me to get a real job^^  

[wildviolet]

I don't understand why other people's reactions to your PhD matter that much. Would it be any different if they reacted the same way to you getting a job overseas instead of a PhD?

 

If your close friends/family are happy for you, that's great. If others are indifferent or envious, well screw them. People who aren't happy with your success shouldn't be the ones you surround yourself with.

 

Having said that, I hope you've been tactful about mentioning your PhD plans. It might come across as bragging or arrogant if you bring it up without context. Like, what if somebody you knew kept mentioning how he got a new job at the start of every conversation? He'd look arrogant.

 

I agree with this. Do other people's opinions change the way you feel about starting your PhD program? If not, then I wouldn't give it another thought.

 

I just had a friend on FB respond negatively to one of my comments, which I had ended with a tongue-in-cheek smile face (i.e.,  ). Well, I thought her response was a little over the top--but her response reflects more of her self-esteem issues than it does about my comment (which wasn't even directed at anyone in particular, but it was about academic stuff). So, yeah, you know never know what issues people have and how they will respond to your comments, even if you provide context, etc. It's all about people's perceptions and rarely about your intentions.