Need SOP review urgent please. Have re-reviewed my last one. Thanks and sorry

[confusedgradhopeful]

Statement of Purpose

I am applying to San Francisco State University, Masters of Art in Communication studies program because I would be an excellent fit for your program. The strong emphasis given to social justice as a way to honor unheard voices is something that speaks to me. Also, I hope to work with Dr. Wingard, an expert in the field of communications and linguistics.

My main interest in communications centers on cultural differences and how they affect communication. As human beings we tend to assume that everyone carries the same socio-linguistic background that we do, in reality this is not true. We all have a unique perspective of the world that first needs to be considered before effective dialogue can take place. Most importantly these differences should not be hidden or erased; they should be highlighted so that we might all benefit from them.

My undergraduate degree in Linguistics has provided me a strong toolkit that can easily be applied to Communication studies. My linguistics studies focused on human communication. Additionally my psychology minor provides me with an added insight into the psychosocial reasons why intercultural exchanges can be so difficult.

In addition to my academic background, I also posses a great deal of practical experience in cross cultural perspectives. I grew up in New York City as the son of immigrant parents from South American.  From a young age I placed in a valuable position to look at different cultures and was forced to bridge these disparate realities. Additionally, I lived in Ecuador and Chile for 5 years. During this period I had to face a new culture and become proficient in Spanish. Theses situations forced me to refine my linguistics and social skills. I later moved to Georgia, where I completed my undergraduate degree in linguistics. All these social changes have forced me to become keenly aware of the differences that we must honor every time we communicate with someone. Most importantly, it has shown me that many times we silence voices simply because of slight differences. This is particularly a problem when these perceived differences are based on ignorance and groupthink instead of factual reasons. This is a reality I hope to change and improve.

What I hope to achieve by graduating from California State University East Bay’s masters program is a better understanding of cross-cultural communication and more importantly the ability to bridge cultural divides. These abilities will provide with me with the basic tools needed to enhance people’s lives. Also I hope to give voices to those that have long been silenced by xenophobia and racism. I plan to take my experience in this program further by enrolling in a PhD program after graduation.

I look forward to being a part of the diverse academic culture and working with my peers and academic faculty to reach my goals.

 

Thank You.

[fuzzylogician]

Statement of Purpose

I am applying to San Francisco State University, Masters of Art in Communication studies program because I would be an excellent fit for your program. The strong emphasis given to social justice as a way to honor unheard voices is something that speaks to me. Also, I hope to work with Dr. Wingard, an expert in the field of communications and linguistics.

This is a good straightforward opening but it's a little vague. Why are you a good fit? Why does the emphasis on social justice interest you? Expand to make this more compelling. Also, replace the last sentence: While at Your U, I hope to work with Prof X, whose expertise in the field of blah complements my interest in blah-related thing. (maybe say more about your interests, maybe mention more than just one prof.).

 

My main interest in communications centers on cultural differences and how they affect communication. As human beings we tend to assume that everyone carries the same socio-linguistic background that we do, in reality this is not true. We all have a unique perspective of the world that first needs to be considered before effective dialogue can take place. Most importantly these differences should not be hidden or erased; they should be highlighted so that we might all benefit from them.

You gave a broad defintion of your interest, then a truism that is not a research interest. Say more about what you want to study, where, why, what community, etc.

 

My undergraduate degree in Linguistics has provided me a strong toolkit skills that can easily be applied to Communication studies. My linguistics studies focused on human communication. Additionally my psychology minor provides me with an added insight into the psychosocial reasons why intercultural exchanges can be so difficult.

This, too, is vague. Can you say more about what in your education is relevant to your proposed studies? This will be easier to do once you actually spell out what you want to study.

 

In addition to my academic background, I also posses a great deal of practical experience in cross cultural perspectives. I grew up in New York City as the son of immigrant parents from South American.  From a young age I was placed in a valuable position to look at different cultures and was forced to bridge these disparate realities. Additionally, I lived in Ecuador and Chile for 5 years. During this period I had to face a new culture and become proficient in Spanish. Theses situations forced me to refine my linguistics and social skills. I later moved to Georgia, where I completed my undergraduate degree in linguistics. All these social changes challenges? have forced me to become keenly aware of the differences that we must honor every time whenever we communicate with someone one another. Most importantly, it has shown me that many times we silence voices simply because of slight differences. This is particularly a problem when these perceived differences are based on ignorance and groupthink instead of factual reasons. This is a reality I hope to change and improve on.

The first and second sentences could be tightened up a little. face a new culture --> adapt to?

Most importantly, it has shown me that many times we silence voices simply because of slight differences this is potentially interesting (seems to be at the heart of your interests) but is quite vague. What do you mean by this statement? Can you give examples? Can you show ways you will study this or help fix this? Why is it interesting?

groupthink is this a technical term? if not, change it to something more formal.

 

What I hope to achieve by graduating from California State University East Bay’s masters program is a better understanding of cross-cultural communication and more importantly the ability to bridge cultural divides. These abilities will provide with me with the basic tools needed to enhance people’s lives. Also I hope to give voices to those that have long been silenced by xenophobia and racism. I plan to take my experience in this program further by enrolling in a PhD program after graduation.

Here again, I wanted to know more. How will you enhance people's lives? How will you give voices to those who are silenced? Having read this whole essay, I still don't know who you are referring to, where they are, how they are silenced, and how you think you can change that (or study that, for that matter). At least some of these things should be clear. This is a Masters program; you should propose an area of research that is manageable - define the who, where, how, why (or some subset of those questions) to show that you can make use of the education you'll get and develop a successful project.

 

I look forward to being a part of the diverse academic culture and working with my peers and academic faculty to reach my goals.

 

Thank You.

[agnesxleon]

I think you could try to show, instead of simply stating what you have achieved in undergrad- that ties into your interests. For example, could you perhaps think of a project, a thesis, any academic achievements that cohesively ties your Linguistics major and Psych minor together? That will indefinitely SHOW them how it all relates.. Also, I think that this is a tad bit too autobiographical. Perhaps you could use the last paragraph to further elaborate your future plans- long term and short term. Hope this helps!