Plz help to improve my SOP for UNT

[daniel.bakhsheshi]

While explaining my intention to pursue my Master in Computer Science at the UNT, I would like to throw some light on my background. I have always been enthralled with computers, and the thought of becoming a software engineer was implanted in my mind at an early age. A career in engineering seemed the most challenging and logical extension of my abilities. Therefore, as a child, I tried to connect to the technology world and update myself on what’s going on in the computer and technology world. I studied science in high school, concentrating in mathematics and physics, meanwhile feeding my passion in computer science by studying on my own with exploring computer and technology world. In higher education, first I studied hardware engineering in an Iranian University for two and half years. It was a good opportunity for me to discover my talent in software. In parallel with my study, I was working part-time at an institution, lecturing computer use, and was engaged in learning to fix and troubleshoot computer hardware, software, and smart phones.

After finishing my higher diploma in hardware engineering, I decided to go overseas to further my knowledge in my field of interest. I chose RMIT University because I believe it is one of the better IT universities in the world. I have been working hard to prepare myself in order to obtain good grades, high learning outcome through experience to work with and through others, often leading group projects in my university studies.

I have also studied supplemental courses, such as “Certified Ethical Hacker” and “Oracle”, from private institutions when they were not available in my university curriculum. As a result, I was asked to contribute in organizing a hacking competition at my university. I have a special interest in cyber-security, and recognizing that I still have a great deal to learn about it, I have tried to expand my knowledge with self-study and research. At one point, I did a research paper on “Evaluation of the performance of Honeypot” in the security field. I did my internship at Experian Company, which introduced me to international business, and helped me to learn more about business intelligence tools such as Tableau and version control systems such as SVN and many more real-life projects and team strategies. It is my objective to learn more about emerging technologies in the field, and to gain more experience and knowledge in this, and have chosen to study for a master degree in computing at your university because of its reputation in the field. What I would love to do is to be able to be engaged in real projects, do high impact research, and to contribute to the body of knowledge. I am somewhat aware of pioneering work that has been going on at UNT, and am excited at the prospect of contributing to your projects and studying under your distinguished faculty. I believe that UNT has the unique characteristics that will prepare me for research applications, will allow me to realize my potential to the fullest, to excel at the thing I love. I don't merely want a degree from your institution - I want to be a credit to it. If the opportunity presents itself I would be interested in a TA or RA position. Thank you very much for your consideration.

[lzs]

Grad schools don't care that you've always wanted to be a [insert profession here] ever since you were a kid. Everybody says that. Don't bother talking about high school. They want to know what serious grown-up work you've done and how you will be a credit to their department. I'm not in your field but I imagine they're probably more interested in hearing about the projects you've worked on than about the classes you've taken.

 

What I would love to do is to be able to be engaged in real projects, do high impact research, and to contribute to the body of knowledge. I am somewhat aware of pioneering work that has been going on at UNT, and am excited at the prospect of contributing to your projects and studying under your distinguished faculty. I believe that UNT has the unique characteristics that will prepare me for research applications, will allow me to realize my potential to the fullest, to excel at the thing I love.

 

Be more specific than "be engaged in real projects, do high impact research, and to contribute to the body of knowledge." Any student could say that about any department at any school in any field. What kind of work do you want to do? What are your research interests? Which faculty members do you want to work with, and which of their projects do you want to work on? How is this department a good fit for your intellectual interests and professional goals beyond having a good reputation? What exactly are these "unique characteristics" that UNT has?

[zapster]

Drop all references to childhood aspirations etc. This is probably #1 on the list of common SOP aspects adcoms are tired of hearing.

 

I would suggest starting straight away with your research interests. Unless you have a really unique high-impact 'story', get into the details of your interests straight away, and I suggest you elaborate on these a bit more than what you have.

 

You could follow up on these by then talking about what you have already done, your experiences, and how they link back to your interests.

 

Be more specific about the nature of the "pioneering work at UNT", and how this links in to your interest.

 

Best of Luck !