My looooongish post! Can I have it all?

[jillydilly]

So here's my story:

 

I'm 29, and a professional actor, writer, and singer in my hometown. After drifting through my twenties in a depressed fog, I was snapped back to reality about two and a half years ago. I realized, as much as I loved what I was doing, I was tired of overloading myself on meaningless work to make ends meet for the work I loved to do, so I started to explore other options. 

 

I started to volunteer with various nonprofits (especially ones that do community outreach through art and performance). I've also spent the last few summers working with folks with special needs and found that this was work I truly enjoyed. I researched the different ways performance could be used for community betterment and found a possibility as a drama therapist.

 

This year, I explored the idea of getting an MFA in theater performance. I did the auditions, had some offers extended, but ultimately decided that I wanted to do something more within the community (it's worth noting that all these MFAs came with a stipend and tuition waiver . . . this was NOT an easy decision ). Instead, I'm taking the plunge and getting my MSW from a very reputable state school! I start in the fall and I am incredibly excited for this new path. Not only will I make a living doing something good (I'm torn between nonprofit management and family practice, leaning towards the former as I love the idea of writing grants). Plus, should I choose to go into drama therapy, an MSW is an excellent basis.

 

Now the problems . . . 

 

1) I've qualified for unsubsidized Stafford loans that will cover my tuition. I'm not thrilled about being in loan debt, but I know it's unavoidable. These classes are all in the evening, to boot. Financial assistance through the school is reserved mostly for the the undergrads. Grants and scholarships for grad students are mostly geared towards different ethnicities which does not include me. It is too late for me to get an assistantship.*

 

2) I can't give up my acting career. I can slow it down, but I can't give it up. For one, I've worked incredibly hard to get to where I am with it. By itself, though, it would be damn near impossible to make ends meet. Plus, if I want to go into dramatherapy, I have to stay in the theater community. (Not to mention NOT acting would make me miserable). I'm happily slowing my acting down for this, but to drop out of it entirely is a painful and probably rather poor option. I know this sounds really weird, but it is a part of me that I honestly cannot live without. If I could, I would have gone into something else

 

3) I need to make a living. Between rent, car payment and insurance (sigh . . . it was great timing for my old reliable vehicle to crap out on me), and bills, I would need to make 1100/month. This does not include food or gas. 

 

*Right now, I'm enrolled full time in the evenings (which would work out to one full evening a week, one half evening from Aug-mid Oct, with a second full evening being added from mid-Oct on).

 

*I have a chance to work on a therapy team doing ABA starting in August, but I believe the hours there are limited to after school.

 

*I might get hired full time to work at in a school district for folks with special needs.

 

*Support work is great, but we all know it pays barely above minimum wage. I am doing that now alongside a part-time job and random paid acting gigs, but I barely scrape by.

 

However, I know a full time job, full time grad school, and maintaining my performing career could be a recipe for two years of stress, tears, and no sleep ever. Not to mention, no life, never seeing my boyfriend or family or even my bloody cat I want to get my MSW in two years, but I'm not so sure now that it would be the best for my quality of life. As much as I want to get/keep my career/s on track as quickly as possible, I'm not sure murdering myself like this is the best way.

 

 

*My absolutely IDEAL situation would be to work part time, go to school full time, and still do a show once in awhile. Unless I luck into an amazing grant that covers my living expenses, I doubt this would be possible. I'm hopeful, but I've done hours of research into grants and financial assistance for grad students and unless I am overlooking something incredibly obvious, there just does not seem to be much out there.

 

Should I work full time, go to school full time, and keep my acting career slow yet steady? Will I have any ounce of free time or a life if I do this?

Should I go down to a few part time jobs or a single full time job, part time school (which will extend me past two years), and keep my acting career together?

 

I don't want to shortchange my current career or my future schooling. I'm really at a loss with what to do and how to go about it. Yes, I want it all. The last several years have been bloody difficult and I'm not about to lose what I have in my person life or my performing life. However, continuing on as I have been (aka working a miserable job and living just for the evenings and weekends) is not an option either.

Any and all advice/input is welcome. 

For what it's worth, I've always been an excellent student. I read, write, and research very well. Also, this school requires the MSW to be finished within four years. As I said, I'm 29. I don't quite hear my biological clock ticking, but the depression of my early-late twenties had me putting off so much living. I'm just now enjoying the idea of having a life and being a respected performer in my region. Help!!!

[MSW13]

Wow, you certainly have a lot on your plate! It sounds like acting is your first love and you have found a great way to make a more profitable career out of it through an MSW. I think that no matter what combination of work/school/social life you put together, it is going to be a very intense next couple of years...but something has to give.  The key is to pace yourself and practice self care.  It sounds like you are used to working fast and furious but this also means that you are more susceptible to burn out.  I'm not sure what the workload in in American MSW programs but here in Canada, it is very intense. People can manage a part time job with full time school but it is not easy by any means. Being a full time student, a part time employee, and a working actor may be a bit too much.  Remember, grad school is different than undergrad. There is a lot more reading and assignments can be longer than what you are used to and more research based.

What I'm not quite understanding from your post is whether you have prioritized your goals in a way that you are comfortable with. You say that you don't want to 'shortchange your current career or future schooling' but can you truly do both at 100% while being a full time student?

[Optismistic]

Wow, you certainly have a lot on your plate! It sounds like acting is your first love and you have found a great way to make a more profitable career out of it through an MSW. I think that no matter what combination of work/school/social life you put together, it is going to be a very intense next couple of years...but something has to give.  The key is to pace yourself and practice self care.  It sounds like you are used to working fast and furious but this also means that you are more susceptible to burn out.  I'm not sure what the workload in in American MSW programs but here in Canada, it is very intense. People can manage a part time job with full time school but it is not easy by any means. Being a full time student, a part time employee, and a working actor may be a bit too much.  Remember, grad school is different than undergrad. There is a lot more reading and assignments can be longer than what you are used to and more research based.

What I'm not quite understanding from your post is whether you have prioritized your goals in a way that you are comfortable with. You say that you don't want to 'shortchange your current career or future schooling' but can you truly do both at 100% while being a full time student?

Social work in Canada discourages people from their hopes and dreams?

http://www.fearfuladventurer.com/archives/5057

[Optismistic]

JillyDilly,

 

It sounds like you already know what to do.......

"My absolutely IDEAL situation would be to work part time, go to school full time, and still do a show once in awhile."

 

Anything is possible. My best friend worked two part-times, taught a lab course, and played on a softball team during her MS -in Biology!

If there is a will there is a way! Don't give up.

I had another friend who worked front desk at a hotel while attending school. The pay is low, but he was able to study while at work. Have you considered a job like that?

[MSW13]

Social work in Canada discourages people from their hopes and dreams?

http://www.fearfuladventurer.com/archives/5057

hmmm...perhaps I wasn't clear in my post.  My point was that an MSW program in Canada is very intense with a heavy workload (I imagine that an American program would be similar). You can also manage a part time job/other commitments but with anything, if you stretch yourself too thin, something is going to suffer.  Again, if you are going to take this route, practice self care and be mindful of when things are getting too overwhelming.  Remember, social work is not a field of rainbows and lollipops. You are dealing with people experiencing very emotional situations. It can take its toll if you are not careful and you will easily experience burn out.

It isn't about 'discouraging hopes and dreams', it is about being realistic.