For those who have visited...

[Sgt. Pepper]

I had one visit a week ago, and met with some faculty and it did not go well. Not well at all. In fact, I was told by one I had stupid questions. Um, yeah. I used some of the AHA questions I thought were pertinent and was pretty okay with using them since it is one of the largest professional organizations, so they gotta know something, right? She also had no interest in discussing my current or future research interests. Sooo...

When you go and visit and and there's the appointed "individual faculty meetings" time, what exactly do you guys talk about with them? What do you ask? I am nervous about an upcoming visit because I feel like I did something wrong by asking about the adviser-advisee rapport, what her advising style was like, etc since she told me these were stupid and inconsequential questions. I'm pretty good at figuring stuff out myself, since I already downloaded and read the graduate student handbook and guidelines from the department, but I get the feeling other people have had more in depth conversations with potential advisers upon acceptance. (Mine at this school are already selected and I know who they are.)

[anyli_t]

... she told me these were stupid and inconsequential questions.

I'm going to put forth the opinion that she was the one who messed up, not you. I can't imagine what a prospective student would say that would make an advisor call them stupid, but in my book, that's way out of line. Sounds like somebody with an abrasive personality, rather than anything you did.

That having been said, she did you a favor by letting you know straight up what type of person she is, and what type of advisor she would be. That's definitely not somebody I would want to work with, and as rude as she was, it's better that you found that out now than a year into your program.

No doubt that encounter must've been a little disconcerting, but don't let it get to you. As long as you're asking respectful and informed questions (i.e. not something that would make somebody get defensive, and not 100 questions that could be answered on the website) you're perfectly entitled to ask whatever you want. If you want to be on the safe side, save potentially concerning questions (How supportive are faculty? is a big one, for example) for your chats with grad students. But overall, I wouldn't worry too much. I've met with a fair amount of faculty and asked everything from details about program structure to socialness of the department to rather abrupt financial questions, and never gotten such a reaction. So in short, I think it's her, not you!

[Comfect]

First, I'd echo the above - you're not the one who screwed up. Indeed, even the professors I have visited with and NOT gotten along with thought that questions about advisor/advisee interactions and advising style were good, consequential questions; I've even had professors volunteer their view of their relationship with their other advisees. So her being an ass isn't your fault!

In answer to your broader question, I try to get the faculty member talking. About something; usually their research, the academic environment at the university, or how they interact with grad students, but something. I already know my own interests; I want to know this person, and the best way to do that is to get them talking, rather than you answering their questions. Also, if they're talking about one of the above things, they're almost certainly giving me helpful information. Particularly, I place emphasis on the above 3 things and on how they talk about their subject - it's important to me that I share an attitude towards my subject with my advisor - and I tend to ask specifically about intraprofessor interactions and their research.

Hope that helps!

[fuzzylogician]

I'm going to put forth the opinion that she was the one who messed up, not you. I can't imagine what a prospective student would say that would make an advisor call them stupid, but in my book, that's way out of line. Sounds like somebody with an abrasive personality, rather than anything you did.

That having been said, she did you a favor by letting you know straight up what type of person she is, and what type of advisor she would be. That's definitely not somebody I would want to work with, and as rude as she was, it's better that you found that out now than a year into your program.

Seconded. It's not you, it's her.

When I met with faculty, I found that all I needed in order to find out if I got along with them was to engage them in some kind of conversation, the topic was not important. I usually let them have the first word - if they started out by asking me what I wanted to know, I would ask, "what do you want to tell me." I learned the most from what they chose to tell me about themselves and the program, and would later follow up with questions as needed. I asked the most routine questions you can find on the website, it was useful because you sometimes get more details/different information than is posted online. I talked about my research, asked about the prof's. I asked about the prof's mentoring style, the kind of student they like to work with, etc. I asked more generally, what type of student does well in the program, if they think the students are happy, if the atmosphere is friendly and there's collaboration between faculty and students (or faculty/faculty). And I asked about money. It all depended on where the conversation drifted. Since I talked to several faculty and students at each place I visited, I ended up with a full picture of each place. I (almost) never had adverse reactions to any of my questions--it happened once, and while I thought I must have done something horribly wrong at the time, I now think that person did me a favor. Imagine I'd have gone to their school only to find out I couldn't get along with them!