Bioscience SOP Critique - any suggestions?

[tcmazer]

I've gone through a couple iterations with this statement, and was just wondering if anybody would have the time to look over it and make a few suggestions?

 

Thanks for looking!

 

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Introduction

 

Since I was a kid, I have been preoccupied with figuring out how things work and why they do.  Not surprisingly, this took me into science and math in high school and, in university, into contact with a range of sciences, including psychology, biology, neuroscience, and chemistry.  Eventually, I settled on molecular biology as my science of choice and on the question that has driven my research at the University of Coolness for the past three years: why do living things age?

 

Research Detail

 

In working with Dr. X, I conducted genetic analysis of C. elegans aging processes, and my experiments involved silencing the expression of various genes.  My first project involved studying the lifespan effects of silencing the gene SIR-2.4, a gene that makes a sirtuin protein.  Sirtuins have been shown to be important tools in regulating the aging processes of organisms ranging from yeast to humans, and SIR-2.4 is a homolog of the genes SIRT6 and SIRT7, which are found in mice and humans respectively.  My research established that SIR-2.4 was not required for maintaining a regular lifespan under minimal-stress conditions.   This project was an excellent means of jumping into the world of aging research as it immediately immersed me in the various types of experiments conducted by aging researchers and also let me add novel information to the field.  My work then evolved into the project that contributed to the PLoS Genetics paper on the relationship between SIR-2.4 and DAF-16 in C. elegans.  The goal of this research was to determine whether SIR-2.4 regulated DAF-16, a protein critical to cell cycle regulation in C. elegans which moves to the nucleus when faced with conditions of stress.  The expanded set of work I did for this paper involved testing the worm’s resistance to heat and oxidative stress when SIR-2.4 was silenced and when it was not.  The experiments were time consuming and required very careful preparation, but I managed to finish them and record results that would not only expand my knowledge of aging, but act as my first major contribution to the field.  The results were that when sir-2.4 was silenced, worm lifespans are 10% to 30% shorter and have about 40% less DAF-16 at the nucleus after facing stress conditions than their control counterparts.  Together with the research of my colleagues, this data indicated the novel interaction of sir-2.4 promotion of DAF-16 function and relocalization during stress.

 

My research with Dr. Y involved studying citation networks, where I created mathematically-based publication maps of the University of Coolness’s various departments, visualizing citation patterns among departments and investigators.   I retrieved publication records and mapped the resulting databases into their relationships based on citations and on publication amounts per author.  The resulting maps indicated a lower total number of publications in the social science departments than the natural science departments, but the citations of those published works were more extensive in the social science departments than the natural science departments.  Additionally, the natural science departments exhibited a more distributed network of publications per author as opposed to the more centralized distribution of publications in the smaller social science departments.  These findings were contrary to what was initially expected by the department under which I was working due to the more established nature of the natural science departments, and this research turned out to be a first in making publication network maps for organizations at a full University scale.

 

My current project with Dr. X is focused on the neurobiological aspects of aging within C. elegans, and has an endpoint of determining a neuromuscular target for pharmacological treatment of aging.  Arecoline has been chosen for this study due to prior research suggesting its ability to encourage muscular growth in C. elegans.  The project began with determining the ideal point of arecoline treatment in the worm’s development.  Treatment beginning at the first day of adulthood and ending 2 days after has led to initial results of a 10% increase in average lifespan and increased movement in worms later in life.  My hypothesis for this result is that encouraging muscle growth at the beginning of adulthood leaves lasting benefits for muscle health, which allows for a form of caloric restriction by increasing energy expenditure by the worm’s muscles more consistently through its lifespan.  Experiments to determine whether a similar or proportional response exists if treatment is given later in life are underway, and this research will continue on to include motor-neuron stimulation through pharmacologic treatment as well.

 

Desired Research at the University of Washington

 

My current research in studying the neurobiological aspects of aging and their responses to treatment has confirmed my deep interest in studying this particular method of research.  As a result, I find Dr. Peter Rabinovitch’s work with cardiac aging treatment and reduction fascinating.  His experience and knowledge on cell signaling pathways as roads to aging reduction matches the information I highly desire to propel me into an effective research career.

 

Along with this interest is that of a propensity to study the molecular basis for aging from a biochemical and genetic standpoint.  Dr. Daniel Gottschling’s research on yeast in looking to determine the molecular events of aging captures my interest as an excellent opportunity for developing a deeper understanding of the aging process.  The resources he has to provide a novel avenue of yeast study appear very promising and provide an environment that I would very much like to work in.

 

Other mentors whose work I find interesting and would like to collaborate with at the University of Washington would be Dr. Matt Kaeberlein, Dr. David Cook and Dr. Jason Bielas.

 

Future Goals

 

I have set out to pursue further research opportunities through graduate school and through the pursuit of a PhD in the field of molecular and cellular biology, as I see my future self conducting aging research as a professor and the principal investigator of a future laboratory.  The well-established University of Washington with its Nathan Shock Center would therefore be an excellent place for me to pursue these goals.  It would be an honor to pursue my graduate degree at the University of Washington.

 

 

[Loric]

I don't know diddly about your study/major/field so I cant really comment on all that.

 

I can say:

 

Lose "Since I want a kid" - no one cares about your entire life since birth. Simply say "I have always been interested in.." or "fascinated with.."

 

Preoccupation suggests OCD. OCD suggests mental illness. Mental illness is considered a "kiss of death" for admissions.

 

We all went to high school and had to take science and math. No one cares. Just delete that whole sentence. Really, your statement works fine without and seems to meander less.

 

Also, why is the question you want to answer - why do things age - important? You need to frame it a little. Why should I care? I don't know, maybe that's a huge topic of study at this school, but I dunno. Maybe it's inherently interesting anf something I should throw money at you for. I dunno. Tell me why.

 

And that's about as far as I can go with my limited understanding of your profession Hope it was helpful - and the "no one cares"  and "why should I care" are just standard essay points to keep in mind. Keeps things from getting too tedious/boring/etc for the reader. I'm sure in reality your life is quite fascinating but these people read tons of essays.

[scaredapplicant2]

Also not in your field, but the thing that stuck out at me most was that I think you go into a little too much detail talking about the exact results of your research. Parts of your SOP end up reading like the abstract of a journal article - it sounds very impersonal and doesn't say anything about how the research you did relates to the overall picture of you as an applicant. For example:

 

"The resulting maps indicated a lower total number of publications in the social science departments than the natural science departments, but the citations of those published works were more extensive in the social science departments than the natural science departments.  Additionally, the natural science departments exhibited a more distributed network of publications per author as opposed to the more centralized distribution of publications in the smaller social science departments.  These findings were contrary to what was initially expected by the department under which I was working due to the more established nature of the natural science departments..."

 

All of this is totally unnecessary. Instead, I would focus on how the research you did relates to your current goals - maybe something you learned about while doing this research furthered your interest in the aging process, or you gained some new skill or expertise that is relevant to the research you hope to do. The same for your other two research projects - talk less about the results, more about you and your goals.

[tcmazer]

I've improved the introduction, how does this look?

 

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Introduction

 

Why do living things age?  This has been a question that I have been fascinated with since my introduction to biology.  It is something that affects everyone, and as it progresses, various diseases such as Alzheimer’s and cardiovascular disease are expressed at rapidly increasing rates.  Discovering the processes behind aging and ways to slow or stop them would be of great benefit to preventative medicine, and this has propelled me to pursue a career in research to help solve this mystery.

 

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[tcmazer]

Small change, I added a line to further push the idea of research.

 

"This has been a question that I have been fascinated with since my introduction to biology, and the question that has inspired my research at the University of Coolness’s Institute of Gerontology for the past 3 years."