I'm the Worst Teacher in the History of Teaching Crisis

[danieleWrites]

I know I'm not the worst teacher ever. I have empirical proof that I'm good enough at it to justify my place as a teacher: students haven't swapped to other sections en masse, most of them are clearly paying attention, they ask intelligent questions, negative responses on course evaluations focus on my personality defects (apparently, I'm not as funny as I think I am), and a few terribly deluded souls have told me that I was one of their favorite teachers.

 

But every once in a while, I still feel like the Worst Teacher Ever!!! I pity my students because they're stuck with me. Neither the students nor anyone in the department do anything to start me down a path toward this kind of conclusion; it's entirely self-generated. I know I'm not the best out there, but I generally believe I'm sufficient. At least until I get this crisis of confidence and just want to curl up in my closet and pretend I don't exist. 

 

Anyone else ever feel this way? What do you do to deal with it? I hate pity parties; I especially hate the ones I throw for myself.

[St Andrews Lynx]

Yes, sure. I'm learning on the go when it comes to teaching, supervising and marking - I feel that mistakes I make impact badly on my students...which isn't really fair at all. 

 

That said, the worse TA(s) I've ever come across were in Physical Chemistry labs when I was an undergrad. There were a...special kind of people. From the point of view of myself as a student they were rude (why are you bothering us to ask for questions?!), some had a bad grasp of English/strong accent that meant we couldn't really interact properly, they didn't explain things well...and I don't think I sought much help from them.

--> Ergo, I doubt that you are the worst TA ever. The fact that you're actually trying and caring tells me that you're not. 

[surefire]

 

Anyone else ever feel this way? What do you do to deal with it? I hate pity parties; I especially hate the ones I throw for myself.

 

Hi there danieleWrites,

 

You and I and everyone here at Gradcafe feel like that sometimes! You know this! So I'm going to skip to some pragmatic advice that has, in the past, helped me to feel more capable and empowered. The context is Canadian and is steeped in a large, well-resourced institution, but hopefully some of this will work for you:

 

- You should have a binder/file/shoebox that is used for positive comments/reviews/evaluations, both solicited and unsolicited. These materials can be reflected upon to boost your mood/help you pinpoint what you do that works AND when it comes time to put together a teaching dossier, you will have a bunch of resources all in one place to draw upon. I call this my "warm fuzzies folder". All the positive stuff goes in there, even the random "you're the best teacher ever!" e-mails (unsolicited positive feedback is some of the best kind!). Don't be afriad to ASK for stuff that will bulk up the warm fuzzies folder; this doesn't equate to asking people to generate disingenuous feedback, you just need to ask them to put already positively-formed opinions into writing (so, for example, if a student or faculty member positively comments verbally on your teaching, tell them that you're building a dossier and ask if they'd mind putting that sentiment in an e-mail and sending it to you). This will feel awkward at first, but once you make this self-advocacy a habit, it gets easier and yields great results!

 

- I'm not entirely sure from your post if you're a grad student. Regardless, you should search the resources at your institution to see if there are any seminar/workshop series or consultations available to help TAs/instructors/lab leaders craft/improve their technique. At my school, we have a Centre for Teaching Support and Information which offers workshops on things like giving feedback, generating discussion, and helping students get "the most" from your material. These are helpful for both your students' learning and also your own efficiency. They also provide In-class observations where they'll come in and watch/tape you teaching and then consult with you later on about it. I KNOW that this sounds like the most awkward thing ever and why would you put yourself through that, but it's helpful to see yourself through the eyes of both your own students and an expert to parse out what you are communicating, or not communicating, in the way that you teach. Finally, my centre offers programs for certification/workshop credit; so in addition to helping your own students and your technique, you can garner a certificate that can go on your CV which points to your dedication to your craft! These types of resources are often free of charge, so go and get them!

 

Best of luck!

[dr. t]

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

 

Which is to say: everyone has bad days. It's what you do with the rest of the time that matters.

[danieleWrites]

That is the perfect quotation, telkanuru.

 

Thanks everyone! I haven't gotten imposter syndrome as a student, but I get it as a teacher. For no good reason. While it's comforting to know that I'm not the only person who occasionally feels like the worst teacher ever, I wish no one else felt that way (unless they really are one of the worst, but let's not go there).