Would like some feedback on a GRE Issue Writing sample I did

[JRobH1988]

Hello there,

 

This is my first post for this forum. I was hoping I could get some feedback on a practice essay I did for the GRE. I'm taking the GRE on 01/10/14. I took one of the prompts from the GRE website and timed myself writing a response. I would like some feedback on where I can improve. On the GRE, I have to get at least a 4.5 for the program I'm trying to get into.

 

Here is the prompt:

 

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"As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate."

 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

 

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Here is my response:

 

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The argument goes that as more people rely on technology to solve problems, the ability for humans to think for themselves starts to deteriorate. If we rely too much on technology, can we still think critically? While I certainly understand why people would believe technology would deteriorate people’s ability to think for themselves, I would argue that technology actually has the ability to help people think critically (if used responsibly) in new and exciting ways.

 

 

The first reason why I argue that technology actually helps people think critically is because technology, especially with the evolution of the Internet since the 1990s and 2000s, has flooded people with more information than in the past. Prior to the invention of the Internet, people had to rely on limited resources to receive their information about any topic they wanted to learn more about, such as going to the library or watching the news on television. Thanks to the Internet, more people are able to access the information they need in a much simpler and easier fashion. At the press of a mouse click, one can log onto a home computer in the comfort of their home and type in a internet search bar to look for any information they need. For example, if someone needs to know how to solve a math problem for a Calculus class, one can use an Internet tutorial to help them solve a sample problem so they can have the tools they need to think critically about the problem they are being presented in Calculus. This actually helps people think critically (rather than not thinking for themselves as the original argument claims) because in order to think for ourselves, we need to have help once in a while solving complex problems. With technology such as the Internet, we are able to access tools that will help us think more critically and much easier than if we had to wait until an archaic source of information would be available to us.  This adds to another benefit that technology has on

 

The second reason why I believe technology would use help us think for ourselves is because of the fact that technology has evolved to the point where we can use to our benefit in our daily lives. With the invention of the kindle book reader, we have an easier access to all the latest e-book software at our fingertips. With the invention of search engine sites such as Diggolet, we can now browse information on the Internet and have an easier time sorting out information.  This allows me to do research much easer and think more critically about the information I am being presented with because I am using up to date technological resources to help me analyze the information I am looking for through the Internet. This reliance on this kind of technology, while an understandable concern for some people, would help us find new ways of analyze information so that we can better think for ourselves.

 

Granted, with the advancement of this technology comes a major downside, and that’s the fact that technology has the potential of making us lazy. If we become lazy, we become lazy thinkers as a result. We run the danger of relying too much on technology to do most of the work for us. We would end up relying on the Internet too much to receive our information and run the risk of thinking that if we can find it on the Internet, then it must be reliable information. However, the best way to combat this understandable concern is to educate people about technology in the classroom. We would have to start as early as middle school or high school to teach our students how to use technology responsibly.  This would be no different from when television was first invented and we had to teach people how to watch television responsibly. If we had to teach people how to watch television responsibly so they don’t run the risk of being lazy or not thinking critically about the information they are being presented, then we should be teaching people how to use technology such as the internet responsibly as well so that we do not fall victim to relying heavily on the newest technology without it coming at the expect of our critically thinking.

 

In conclusion, while I certainly understand why some people argue that relying more and more on technology can come at the expense of us thinking for ourselves, I would argue that as long as the technology is being used responsibly, it should not be a problem. Technology has the benefit of helping think critically thanks to positive benefits technology such as the Internet allowing us more tools that allow critically thinking in better ways than ever before. If we educate our future generations responsible use of this technology, then the concern some people have should not be too much of an issue, and thus technology will help us think critically for ourselves in new and exciting ways.