is there NO right choice?

[artandrelig]

anyone else feel like there is no right choice?

i got into some really great schools, and was SO EXCITED. then...i visited, and none of them wowed me. i don't know if i just have unrealistic expectations, or if this is just wrong for me. OR if visiting days aren't the best measure of things. everywhere the students were nice, the professors were nice, the campus was nice, but i just couldn't SEE myself there. this could just be me being crazy.

i was wondering today if i perhaps have just built this up too much, and the only thing for me to feel would be slightly let down. i was definitely expecting an epiphany at a campus, as i experienced when choosing an undergraduate institution, and i guess it's just so UNEXPECTED to be trying to make this choice purely based on empirical comparisons rather than what a place made me FEEL like. siiigh. any support/help/commiseration appreciated!

[TulipOHare]

Well... I guess we can't really tell you if you built things up too much or not.

But if all the places you visited left you feeling indifferent, it's certainly possible that none of them are quite right for you. Then you have to decide whether you'd rather go somewhere you're not totally jazzed about, or try again next year.

Alternately... are you maybe not that excited about the whole idea of grad school? Is it possible this is a deeper issue of not knowing what you want to do? If so, there is absolutely no shame in taking some time to figure it out (i.e., in not going to grad school this year).

[artandrelig]

hm. i mean, i'm pretty sure i want to go to grad school; nothing is quite as exciting to me as academia! :wink:

ugh i think i'm just having bad ennui. it's rainy today too.

i guess i'm just wondering if anyone else feels the lack of LOVE for a place, but has overcome that? i have a feeling i'm being a bit silly about it, but i'd love to hear outside proof of that

[ElusiveMuse]

I've lived in some pretty dismal places, when I was married to someone in the military.

Twentynine Palms, California. It's literally one road, a few miles long, with a few fast food places and tattoo parlors. And the very tiny base. And a lot of sand. I ended up working for the Red Cross, making some lifelong friends, and dancing with a civic ballet company. It was awesome.

I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes you live somewhere that feels like the wrong place for you. Chances are, as an academic, this will not be the last time you're faced with this sort of situation. So my advice is that if you can't be happy, be as happy as you can. Sometimes going into a situation prepared for it to utterly suck is a blessing in disguise, because you start to find yourself pleasantly surprised at every turn.

If you don't mind saying, what are your geographic options?

[sjcras]

Remember, we are not going to graduate school to enjoy the campus, the community, or the local culture. Of course, it's a big bonus to feel that those things excite you too, but we can't have it all, and ultimately you should commit to an institution because you believe you can love and explore your field the way you want to most at that school. I believe that the way you said you felt when you visited your future undergraduate campus, which you described as an epiphany moment; is how you should feel about your field (not necessarily the school). That's how you should feel about the professors you plan to work with, and about your own abilities and future if you enter that particular program. I don't know if I'm trying to convince you or me, so take this for what it's worth. With that said, If it truly feels wrong to you, then in all likelihood, it is wrong for you.

[artandrelig]

thanks all. turns out when i went to school B, i still didn't have an epiphany moment, but i did have a "you know...yes." moment. which, frankly, is just as good. i'm finally realizing that i wasn't going to make the WRONG choice, and both are right, so to amend my thread-topic question, i now say, "is there more than one right choice?" and the answer to that is probably yes.

[studdent]

I had a different experience: I wasn't expecting too much from a number of school visits, but all of them really 'wowed' me.

As a person who deliberate extensively in choosing a graduate school to attend and as a fairly well-rounded person (as opposed to those who solemnly care about the research prowess/fit), I would vote for YES - there are more than one right options; in fact, this is what profs have been telling me regarding my options / dilemma. Choose what's best for you logically (include all tangible factors) and where you can really picture yourself working hard for the next 5 yrs (include moments/times where you might need help from mentors/friends/family or perhaps, a refreshing moment/opportunity to have a desirable life outside of academia on your free time)

GL!

[alison]

I got Ph.D. acceptances and felt like I'd conquered the world. I was so excited! I visited my top-choice program and thought I loved it. The closer I get to the deadline, the more I realize that the excitement just isn't there anymore. The love I felt wasn't focused on that school or program, but just on the whole process that is now over. Instead, I feel disinterested and can't help thinking that I'm passing up "the one" somehow. The research is interesting, and the funding is there. My ex factored significantly into my application decisions, and I just feel like I'm not ready to move 3000 miles away alone (we didn't apply anywhere near my city that I now can't imagine leaving). I'm starting to think about throwing all caution into the wind and waiting it out one more year, to apply to closer programs and keep all of the ties I have to my community (important as a community psychologist). Of course, try explaining to someone you're turning down a 5-year funded Ph.D. offer - it's like you said you're giving up a six-figure salary to mine sulfur. It's your decision though, and you have to do what's right for *you* for 5+ years. The hard part is figuring out what that is on a time schedule.

I have 4 days to think, right :roll: ?

[tistre]

I don't think there is anything quite like grad school, it's not very romantic. It's a huge investment and it becomes your life. Validation and approval from your profs become very important. Their feedback on the work you do is the single most way to not become isolated and wrapped up in yourself. But yes, it feels good when you can challenge yourself and when you can produce work that you think speaks to a community of people interested in that issue.

I don't know if this will help anyone, but according to me, a highly rated factor is how much time your profs and potential supervisors will have for you. Have you read their work? Does it interest you? Do they show interest in you? Have you had a chance to talk to other grad students maybe in the dept, or other profs who are alumni about what being in the department feels like? Is it a place where you are challenged, trained in a way that pushes you? I think these kinds of things can really make or break your experience.

Less important factors are things like the city. I know it's a drag for some of us to be stuck in a small place, but if you're doing a PhD you'll be so busy that you'll barely have time for much of a demanding social life. You're likely to stick to friends who are also grad students and who also don't have too much time on their hands.

Money is obviously important, but there are also other sources of funding, though highly competitive. My sense is that most schools will have TAships or something. I was lucky enough to get external funding for my MA, but my colleagues who didn't ended up getting some work or the other from the department. So even if you're not guaranteed 4+ years of funding, talk to the department and ask them about the usual scenario. They'll be able to offer you very specific information.

Anyway, that's my two cents.

[sonnyday]

Wow, I've had the opposite experience. I think I've downplayed graduate school before being accepted, possibly because I didn't think I'd get in, and just two years before I couldn't imagine ever having options for good schools. Maybe even a bit of imposter syndrome was creeping up on me.

So when I saw the schools I visited, they were absolutely great to me, more than I'd expected, and I got the feeling of "wow, I'm actually going to do this" Even the stipends I was offered, though they aren't great, the fact that I am getting free money seems like more than I would have asked for.

[dherres]

When I visited the school whose offer I'm about to accept (have the email window open and everything!), it didn't knock me off my feet or anything like that. As the OP phrased it, empirically it's the "right" choice, but I just don't have an overwhelming love for the idea of moving to CT.

But then I remind myself that feelings aren't facts: just because it doesn't feel the way I think it should feel doesn't mean it's a bad decision.

I think I'm not letting myself get as excited as I should/could be because it's not exactly what I had in mind for myself. Don't get me wrong, I was simply beside myself when I got the email of acceptance, but as for actually going there, although I know it's a good move for me, I'm not jumping in my car and saying to hell with Atlanta this minute.

But I'll get over that and be happy with the choice I made. What else can I do?