Oh My God Please Help!

[void]

I have a dilemma that has just come up. I decided on University A before visiting, but have not declared any official decisions to any of the programs. I just visited last week. While visiting I became so excited about the program and opportunities and was completely set on going. However, on the last day of a 3 day conference, I met with my prospective advisor from the program, who had planned the conference and was potentially exhausted. While talking to her, she just did not seem so thrilled with the prospect of me joining the program. I am excited about her work, but I get the feeling she has little interest in mine. I do not think she was on the ad com. She never said anything specifically welcoming to me, but she was not exactly unwelcoming, and she kept mentioning negatives about me coming there such as that the buildings around my building would be torn down the whole time I am in the program. One draw of the program was that it was the only school offering me full funding for 4 yrs. Also at program A, this professor is the only person in the program with interests close to my own. Also, for background, this professor's other students absolutely love her, though she is overstretched to a degree.

Program B, probably my second choice because it is less of a direct fit and because they offered me very little funding, just emailed me today offering me full funding for my first year and elegibility for similar funding in further years. This program allows more options of people I could work with, but they are not as interested in my primary interests. One of the faculty members, who is probably the second close to my research interests at this school, stated to me that she really hopes I chose their program and that she is so excited about my work. (I did not have the opportunity to plan a trip to visit.) A much better reception from her than the one I received from my potential advisor at school A.

Help! What do I do now, 2 days before deadline date?

[TKassis]

Don't be so superficial. It is not about what a person says but what he/she does. Just because she didn't 'sound' welcoming you don't need to go through all these judgmental self thoughts about her. Besides, what you think is 'welcoming' varies a lot from culture to culture, from person to person.

[brinswan]

Hmm. Interesting dilemma. How do the programs compare in terms of ranking, location, job placement, etc? It's possible the professor is just a morose or un-expressive person. If her other students absolutely love her I really wouldn't worry - her behavior could have been anything - she could have had a bad day, been tired, or maybe that's just how she is and it's not personal. If that's the only reason holding you back from school A I would go there. If you're really unhappy you can transfer. I think the fact that her interests line up with yours is extremely important.

[Stories]

Don't be so superficial. It is not about what a person says but what he/she does. Just because she didn't 'sound' welcoming you don't need to go through all these judgmental self thoughts about her. Besides, what you think is 'welcoming' varies a lot from culture to culture, from person to person.

This. Go to school A

[liszt85]

I had to choose a second choice school over my first choice due to many reasons, but one major reason I'm excited about going to this second choice school is because my prospective adviser worked his ass off to get me there. I had been rejected at the first instance and he was adamant that he wanted me and he got me a departmental fellowship for 9 months and committed to funding my summers. His research is far removed from what I'd wanted to do first but I'm a physics major shifting to Psychology and I don't mind exploring. So what I'm trying to say here is that I'm going happily to my second choice school (after I had a major bout of depression at having to reject my first choice school due to entirely financial reasons) only because my adviser wants me. I'd also be amongst his first crop of students and so I'm really an investment that he would put time into.

So my advice to you is to definitely go where you are welcome! Also like you said, your top choice, school A has only this person working on the exact themes that you wish to be working on. Most of the times, the vibes that you get from people are extremely good indicators of what is to come in the future. If you didn't FEEL good and if you FELT unwelcome, trust your instincts. She was not on the adcomm and probably doesn't want more students.

Go where you reckon you'll be happy. Research fit is one thing, an amiable adviser in my opinion is also extremely important. You now have to decide what its got to be. Is school B's research fit that bad? If you get to work only on related fields, you can always direct your future research activities through post docs or whatever into exactly what you wish to do. That is what I plan to do too. I wanted to do music cognition, but people told me that if I focused only on that, jobs might be hard to come by. So I'll work on a more traditional area (memory, attention, language, etc) with the occasional project on music cognition and then I hope to do a few postdocs in Europe at wonderful labs that do music cognition work. I'm sharing all these plans with you because what I'm trying to tell you here is that even if you're happy working in a field that is slightly removed from what you originally wanted to do, you will be successful as you will be productive working in an amiable atmosphere than you will if you work in hostile conditions.

If you think this makes sense, what I'd suggest you to do is the following: email this "cold" professor from school A, tell her that you really wish to work in her field but that you got the feeling that she may have too many students already. Ask her directly if she minds taking on one more student or just ask her if she still thinks there are all those problems she talked about that day if you were to attend school A! If she says "No, I don't think there is a problem, I highly encourage you to accept our offer", accept their offer. If she says "Yea..like I said, those buildings will be...", then promptly reject their offer.

Good luck with your decision!

[fortiesgirl]

Hmm. Interesting dilemma. How do the programs compare in terms of ranking, location, job placement, etc? It's possible the professor is just a morose or un-expressive person. If her other students absolutely love her I really wouldn't worry - her behavior could have been anything - she could have had a bad day, been tired, or maybe that's just how she is and it's not personal. If that's the only reason holding you back from school A I would go there. If you're really unhappy you can transfer. I think the fact that her interests line up with yours is extremely important.

If one professor and the fact that she perhaps had an "off day" is the only reason for your decision, then I would definately say go with School A. Not all faculty make personal connections with their students right off the bat (as with all relationships in life), and it goes without saying that we all have different personalities and idiosyncracies to deal with in academia. You already acknowledged in your post that this person was "potentially exhausted" at the end of entertaining people of a three day conference (which, according to your post, she had planned by the way). I wouldn't say that you should trust your instincts based on the reaction of one person who may have been physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. I think you really need to evaluate the situation based on how her other students view her and the other aspects of the program, compared with those of program B. Good luck in your decision.

[gah]

I disagree with the previous posters - how you interact with your supervisor, and how interested they are in your work is hardly a superficial consideration. Maybe she did just have a bad day, but on the other hand, having a supervisor who is approachable and interested in your research topic will make your time a lot easier.

[TKassis]

gah, the point I'm trying to make is that you do not know if the adviser is interested or not just by what she said (during a single encounter). People express themselves very differently. You can't just assume that people are only interested if they give you a big smile and try to flatter you. That is why the best indication is her actions, which according to 'void' have been very good with other students. Appearances can be very deceiving. Another adviser who might be good at 'acting' might give you a huge smile and flatter you for hours, only to find out later that he/she is words and no action.

[mangojesus]

Could you call up your potential advisor and chat with them a little bit? You could say you wanted discuss your potential research, or hers, or whatever. Or just tell her that you're having a hard time choosing. Anything to just talk and get a better sense of her personality and attitude. Actually maybe it would be better to email first to set up a good time. But yeah, it might help to get another data point.