Would someone care to read my FLAS application?

[MastersHoping]

Hello all,

 

     I was thrilled to have been accepted to a very good program for an MA, but unfortunately it was unfunded and I will have to apply for external funding through FLAS.

 

     Online, I have tried to find sample statements of purposes for FLAS but have not found any, or at least none that I thought were good. 

 

      Would someone be willing to help me look it over / critique it?

 

Thanks!