Please critique my SOP

[Krishna99]

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

 

 

Name               : xxxxxx

Applying For   : M.S (Fall 2014)

Department     : Civil Engineering

 

            After having spent a good part of five years in the fascinating world of Civil Engineering, I stand at a point where I have to decide and shape my future so as to extend my knowledge and skills in this exciting field. At this juncture, I have two of the most critical decisions to take in my career - the correct choice of university to pursue a graduate degree and the specialization area. In the following few lines, I have fore grounded a few reasons that interested me in pursuing a graduate degree in “Civil Engineering” and from “XXXX Un iversity”.

 

            My choice of the graduate degree is based upon my passion, undergraduate field, understanding of the subject fundamentals, capabilities, and professional experience. I chose “XXXXX University” based off of the vast research in the field and the state-of-the-art laboratories which would help enhance my learning experience.

 

            I was drawn into civil engineering during my undergraduate study. I had the chance to explore different fields in it such as Structural, Geotechnical, Transportation, Environmental and Water resources. Having taken the courses from each of these fields, I realized that I had a very strong Interest in “Structural Engineering”. I found it challenging and practically satisfying combining the engineering principles, math and physics. My urge to explore deeper into structural engineering led me to take all of the available courses related to the area, such as ‘Strength of Materials”, “Design of Reinforced Concrete Structures”, and “Advanced Structural Design”. I worked diligently for four years to fully understand, and master the concept of these subjects only to be left wanting more.

 

           A month after my graduation, I was hired by “Srinidhi Projects Pvt Ltd”. A reputed construction management company in Hyderabad, India, as an “Assistant Engineer”. The company builds hi-end Gated Communities, Apartments and Commercial Edifices in strategic locations of the city. As an Assistant Engineer, I was assigned under the design department where I was exposed to the detailed design of the structures. During my time at Srinidhi, I learned a lot about the design of the specific parts of the buildings including the design of “Pre-stressed Concrete Beams and Floors”, “Seismic Load Isolation” and “Deep Foundation”. At the same time, I was also given various tasks such as Site Investigation, Monitoring and Tracking Activities, Resources Estimation, and Scheduling using Srinidhi Project Management software.

 

         Coupled with my undergraduate study and my tenure at Srinidhi, I have developed a substantial amount of interest in “Structural Engineering” and I believe that “XXXX University” would provide the ideal dream for my graduate studies and research work. I look forward to taking the classes “Advanced Mechanics of Materials”, “Advanced Concrete Design”, and “Advanced Steel Design”. I am aware that graduate study demands a sound academic background, industrial/professional work experience and a never-ending quest for knowledge. With my background and zeal for research, I am confident of meeting the high standards of the graduate program. I hope that my application for admission will be considered favorably. I am confident that given an opportunity, I will match the high standards set by the university and will contribute to the student community.

 

Thanking you for the opportunity to express myself.

                        

Yours Obedient,

xxxx

Edited April 4, 2014 by Krishna99

[Krishna99]

Anybody?

 

Thanks..

[Microbot]

Hi Krishna99,

 

I'm also posting my SoP in another thread to get some critique. I'm from life sciences so maybe my commentary will give you some outsider perspective.

 

For the organization:

1. I think it's better to start with the content from your third paragraph since it will chronologically explains how you become interested in civil engineering.
2. You should cut the second paragraph. It's the same with the beginning of your fifth paragraph so it's better to explain your reason for attending XXXX university here. 

For the content:

1. You only mention two points here: the courses you've taken and your experience at Srinidhi Projects. It's way too few. I personally think you should include any other projects or experiences in your life that lead you to the decision of pursuing advanced studies in the particular field and at the particular university.
2. You should explain more on what you did in Structural Engineering during your undergrad other than just taking the relevant courses. Perhaps you did some project or join a competition. You might also relate it with your undergrad final project.
3. You should also expand on what you've learned or achieved on "the various tasks" given to you during your time in Srinidhi. There's not much detail there.
4. You should explain more why do you interested in the XXXX university, why not in somewhere else. What aspects of the school does attract you? Is it the reputation, the professors, the available research projects, other features such as internship? You said XXXX is a dream and ideal place but you don't explain why.

Overall, I find your SoP too generic, unconvincing, and lacking in details. It will be hard to convince the adcoms to admit you if you don't explain clearly about yourself, your experiences, and your reason on choosing their school.

I suggest you do more brainstorming, consult your peers or supervisors, and rewrite the outline of your SoP.

 

I hope it helps.

Edited April 7, 2014 by Microbot

[missiongradschool]

I hope it is not too late to write comments on your SOP.

 

In any SOP, you should answer the following:

 

i) Why do you want to go for MS? What is it that you want to do that would need a MS degree and that cannot be done with a bachelor's degree?

ii) Which field in your major are you interested in and you would like to study in detail?

iii) Why are you interested in that particular field? Influence of good professor/book or whatever.The reason that created interest should be genuine and intimate to you.

iv) What efforts have you taken in that field?What makes you qualified to pursue higher studies in that field?

v) Why do you want to apply to this particular University?In what way this University will help you get what you want?

vi) What are your future plans?What do you want to do with a master's degree from this University?

 

As of now in your SOP, why you want to go for master's degree is not getting adequately explained. You have stated that your passion has drawn you to pursue master's level studies. Typically avoid extreme words like passion. Passion is something you do all the time--you eat it, you sleep with it, you drink it. Is Civil Engineering a passion? If it is, it should be reflected in the essay.

 

You need to write what is it that you learnt in your undergraduate program and work experience and what you found really interesting. What aspects of structural engineering did you find interesting? Why? How does your work experience fit in the scheme of the things? All these questions need to be answered.

 

The idea is to just let them know that you have thought about what you want to get into, you know the field, you have interest in the field, you have taken some extra efforts to know more and what you intend to do with that degree in hand and most importantly how you are qualified for getting the admission. In short the message you need to convey is that you know what you want and why you want it, you know how this university will help you get what you want and you are qualified for the admission.

See how you can incorporate these.

 

If you need any help, drop me a PM.