Please rate my essay.

[roger1989]

TOPIC - "A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

 

 

In the given arguments the author has extrapolated an analysis to link the effects of birth order on an individual's stimulations. The arguments seems to be fallacious as they lack many concrete evidences to support. The author has given meager references to some experiments but fails to corroborate them with some concrete data points and the detailed description of the experiment.

 

Such experiments are carried out under a controlled environment with many test scenarios. Whereas the author fails to give the comprehensive account of the experiment. Simply inferring from one test scenario of the rhesus monkey and generalizing it to all the human beings is wrong. The rhesus monkey though have a lot of resemblances to human beings does not give a concrete evidence and we cannot generalize result to complete mankind. The author has also not substantiated the conditions under which the study was made.

 

The author has tried to relate his result on rhesus monkey with humans based on an observation that a first born human produced high cortisol under stimulating conditions but no comparison done with human infants being born afterwards. Also "produce relatively high levels of cortisol" shows that author doesnot have exact figures. May be there was some secretion greater than the normal amount but not high enough and can be neglected. There can be even some other reason because of which the cortisol secretion was high which is getting overlooked. So this experiment needs to be carried out under some closed environment with many test scenarios and variety of stimulating situations. Also test must be conducted on both first born human infant and his other siblings. Also there must be a comprehensive description of the test result like the exact level of cortisol production not just meager comparison of the levels.

 

The sample size of the rhesus monkey is too scant to generalize the result for all the monkeys. Whereas the author has generalized it for whole mankind. The experiment must include monkeys from many species and that too from various regions. Similar test scenarios must be thought about to validate the same for the human beings also. The observations must be made for the people from various region and races. it is highly possible this happens for people belonging to one region and that to because of some other reasons. Without proper test scenarios we cannot derive much about this. 

 

Though the author made some comparison between the first time mother monkeys and those who had several offsprings. But there is still a possibility that the first time mother monkeys may generate same amount or even higher amount of cortisol if they are pregnant again. This discrepancy is present because the observation has been made on different mothers while the study must be conducted on the same monkey to estimate the cortisol secretion when she was pregnant first and then afterwards. Without this analysis it is difficult to infer anything. Also the same study must be done on humans before simply extrapolating for the humans.

 

So the study results are misleading and needs to be pondered upon before considering it as a clue for the human beings. The observations made on the human infants is also not accurate enough to extrapolate the result. For the experiment done on the mother monkey there is no observation made on the human beings that human mothers even show such cotisol secretion during pregnancy. There is no detailed account of any of the experiment as well as the result. So this study seems to be erroneous because of the above described reasons.

[roger1989]

Sry I forgot to mention the complete ask for the GRE essay. Below it is.

 

TOPIC - "A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

 

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.