Requesting reviews for SOP

[Ankghost0912]

Hi all,

Taking hints from all of you I have done some editing in my SOP. I want you guys to review it. Anyone interested can PM me .

 

thanks.

[edulix]

Send me the link.

[Ankghost0912]

Hi edulix,

here's the link:https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6ngyOe8T5xsdzNJMjJRdlN6dm8/edit?usp=sharing

 

however, i implore you please do not send it to anyone else 

 

Thanks

[grad_wannabe]

Hi edulix,

here's the link:https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6ngyOe8T5xsdzNJMjJRdlN6dm8/edit?usp=sharing

 

however, i implore you please do not send it to anyone else 

 

Thanks

 

Hi AnkG,

 

I don't know if this is the type of feedback for which you're looking, but I immediately took umbrage with your introduction. Engineering is certainly not the only science in which a practitioner can build things that benefit society. It is also absolutely not the only branch of science that is dynamic and ever-changing.

[ShadowFairy]

Ankghost0912,

 

Since you've posted the link in this thread for everyone to access and view, we can all definitely offer some feedback.

 

First off, grad_wannabe's post notes an important mark. You're starting off by placing your field of interest on a pedestal. Although engineering does embody all those traits, it isn't necessarily the only field that is entailed to them. Don't give your audience a distinctive bias from the very beginning.

 

If you've read some SOP reviews around here as well as read the advice and what to avoid, do not start by quoting your childhood which got you into your field of study. The readers will assume you are already passionate about the field, and it is very cliche and unoriginal.

 

Next do not discuss your coursework, examination marks, and anything that can be referred to in a transcript. Moreover for that matter, they will only look at your college transcripts. The SOP is the writing sample in which you should discuss what you are interested in, and what you've done to show it, how you are good at it, and what you can contribute to the ongoing research.

 

The audience will certainly not be interested in how you were choosing schools in the US. Elaborate more on some of the department's specifics, such as its recent research, publication, and faculty. Explain why that department's overall package suits you instead of generalizing the details.

 

No one in the audience will care whether you are an avid reader of Emerson, Ramanujam, Newton , Einstein, etc. Do not start philosophizing about accomplishments which do not concern you in the bit. Be straightforward on your beliefs about research and success if you choose to discuss those for the ending paragraph.

 

For your projects, did you work independently or under the mentorship of a professor or faculty staff? Did you work with anyone else? Which labs and/or facilities did you work in? What insight into the nature of research did you gain from these experiences, and how do they tie in to your field of interest? Seems to me like you left out a lot of relevant details in your resume script of a body paragraph.

 

 

Then there's the grammar and syntax errors made, but those are trivial compared to the structure, organization, and overall content of your SOP. I'm sorry to say, but it's like you're deliberately doing everything you shouldn't do when writing an SOP. I suggest you read thoroughly the OP's of the pinned threads on this forum section and start from scratch.

Edited September 23, 2014 by RideTheLightning469

[Ankghost0912]

Hey thanks, for your review which I just noted. You however did not exclude one possibility- a person can be genuinely passionate about a field. I built a motor at age 13 - does this not signify my passion? Talking about placing engineering on a pedestal, I can only say that since I have not worked in any other area, and believe myself to be a proud engineer I do not think how my bias towards engineering could help endangering my cause. Regarding the example or Emerson, Ramanujam- it signifies that I draw inspiration from them, even if they don't care for my 'philosophizing', a human mind can judge a person by taking into account the people who have inspired him (refer Sigmund Freud on this).

 

The best point that you make is that I must note whether I worked independently or not and regarding that advice of OP's pinned post I went through it.

 

Oh yes I forgot to mention one thing- this was only the second draft which you read- it has gone 3 complete revamps and 6 minor adjustments.

 

Thanks for the advance intelligence (in the military sense) though

 

-Ghost