Arrived at MSt program, considering withdrawing

[Nina Blount]

Hi GradCafe-ers,

 

I arrived in a mid-size European city I've never been to before this week to start my MSt in literature, and I am feeling like it was a serious mistake, and that I should drop out before I accumulate debt. I am trying to weigh the pros and cons of this decision, and would appreciate any input from this community. 

A bit about what brought me to this point: I graduated from an Ivy League school in the US in 2009, worked in editorial at a fancy magazine in New York, and managed a think tank's magazine in DC. I lost that job and I moved back to New York, where I had a few false starts getting jobs at other magazines, and then decided to become a freelance writer (mainly out of financial necessity.) I did not even remotely dedicate myself to building a meaningful career as a freelancer, mainly because most freelance jobs that pay living wages are difficult to find much meaning in, i.e. copywriting. I thought that going back to school might be a good way to re-orient my life back in the direction I had been going before losing my job DC, and applied to a few UK MSt programs because they are faster and cheaper degrees than those in the U.S. I got into a good (Russell Group) one year MSt program and decided to go.

 

I arrived a week ago and feel completely out of place. Almost everyone in my program wants to go on to a doctorate next year, and I most definitely do not. I am the oldest person in my program, and a solid half of my classmates just graduated from undergrad (uni?) The coursework seems ridiculously light (three courses a semester, one of which is a fluff "research skills" class, two hours of class a week, with reading for 2/3 classes one book and a few poems a week and a semester-long adventure in creating an annotated bibliography for the other.) My dissertation is only allowed to be 15,000 words. This level of instruction and course structure doesn't seem like it is worth the $60,000 in debt. I've lived abroad before and loved it, but even the beautiful city this program is in is leaving me pretty cold and disinterested.

 

My goal after the program is to move to LA and try to find better-paid and more genuinely creative work there than is available to people with my background in New York. I like project-based work, and would hope to do some on films, with museums, and with magazines in research, writing, and editing. I have a few significant contacts there that I hope make this slightly more than a pipe dream, but I also can't write that without feeling like Tommy Wilhelm. 

 

My question is that given the amount of debt I would be taking on to finish this program, the fact that a master's is unnecessary for the kind of work described above, and the two year gap that will appear on my resumé if I drop out, what is the smart thing to do? Were it not for my decisions over the past year and a half, I think I would leave the program. But I think I need the program in order to re-gain some professional traction and avoid the unanswerable-as-is question of what I've recently been doing with my life. I had high hopes for the program, and am genuinely disappointed to be feeling this way. I am sure that I would love engaging with the material in my program, but I am not sure I am comfortable having that as a reason for attending. 

 

Practical matters: I think I could get the 1/3 of tuition I've already put down back if I were to leave the program soon. I want to stop moving around every year and put down roots somewhere. I would like that place to be LA, and would have a few thousand dollars to start out if I went now, vs. -$60,000 if I waited, but I doubt my ability to find work out there without being able to show something for the past few years of my life. I am speaking with my programme director about my second thoughts and asking her if there are opportunities in the course and the school that might help me rather than just interest me, like working on projects with professors and/or taking a creative writing workshop in which I could write a book or essay collection to pitch to agents. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you in advance for any advice you might have - all experiences and opinions would be very welcome to hear. 

 

[oldmangandhi]

Honestly, I don't think anybody on this forum has the authority to give you good advice on this predicament. If you don't like where you are, and don't think that you will grow to appreciate your program and geographic location, then maybe its best to quit and seek better opportunities elsewhere. On the other hand, spending time in different cultural contexts has been known to add to your perspective, which is also crucial to being a writer or artist worth any salt.

 

If your ultimate goal is to write, you don't need a degree to do that, and you clearly know that. Ultimately, we all get an existential slap across the face - "what am I doing with my life?" - is question that even the likes of Sartre and Heidegger spent a lifetime ruminating about. There is no right or wrong answer. You just gotta do what you gotta do. 

 

Perhaps the best recourse would be to have a meaningful conversation with a person you know, trust, and respect. Please don't make such life altering decisions based on the opinions of anonymous people on the internet. 

[Dr. Old Bill]

I think OldManGandhi's advice is spot on. With that in mind, none of the following is "advice" so much as just musing...

 

You're in a major career / life quandary right now, and it's clear that your situation is weighing heavily on you -- understandably so! I guess the thing that confuses me just a little is that it sounds like you've already got a very solid resume for the sorts of things you want to do. It's nigh on impossible to tell definitively in an anonymous forum like this, of course, but if you've got a degree from an Ivy (is it a BA or MA?), and some significant real-world experience in a related field, you should be established enough, no? If your degree is just a BA, I understand the desire to get a Master's, though paying $60000 for it sounds pretty darn steep. I suppose the advantage is that when you come back to the U.S. after you complete the Master's, international schooling will look slightly "exotic" at least...though in practical terms, I'm not sure how much that matters.

 

I have to wonder why, if you really want to move to L.A., you didn't opt to get a degree in the greater L.A. area instead. Suffice it to say, there are tons of great programs there for exactly what you want, although they're also full of students who have the same general career objectives as well. Will an international degree set you apart from that pack? Could any of your current L.A. connections conceivably get you in to something a little lower than what you want, where you can effectively work your way up?

 

Another random thought: could you use the relative lightness of your workload to your advantage and do a bit of freelancing there? Nothing is stopping you from doing your own independent research, is it? If you remain committed to spending the 60k to get your degree, why not make use of all the resources you can and -- even if you don't have long term plans in the area -- make some connections in that location. Your background at a big New York magazine might allow you to get a part-time gig at a smaller UK magazine and help fill some of the time (and gain experience) while doing your MSt.

 

Ultimately, it comes down again to what OldManGandhi says -- none of us can offer on-point advice, really. There are so many variables in your life right now that it sounds as though finding a realistic long-term focus may be the best thing for you to do. I will say that a week or two is perhaps not enough time to effectively judge your current situation. You're probably overwhelmed and feeling quite displaced, so giving yourself more time to acclimate might be prudent...though of course this foils the whole "stay out of debt" aspect.

 

Either way, good luck to you. I hope you can sort it all out!

[ProfLorax]

My goal after the program is to move to LA and try to find better-paid and more genuinely creative work there than is available to people with my background in New York. I like project-based work, and would hope to do some on films, with museums, and with magazines in research, writing, and editing. I have a few significant contacts there that I hope make this slightly more than a pipe dream, but I also can't write that without feeling like Tommy Wilhelm. 

Really good advice all around. I'm just popping into say that I first thought you had written Tommy Wiseau, and I was completely giddy at that. But then I re-read your post and realized you were making a much more scholarly reference than to the writer, director, and star of The Room. (Although, I wonder if there are some interesting parallels between Tommy Wiseau and Tommy Wilhelm...)

 

Back to your actual concerns, I think it is wise to talk to someone you trust. You've laid out some great reasons to leave the program, but do you have a plan for your immediate future if you do? Yes, moving to LA is great, but do you have a place to stay and a way to generate income while you prepare for that move? Also, given your career interests, if you feel like you need a grad program to refocus you, perhaps an MFA or MA in technical writing would be better fits.

 

Good luck! Please let us know what you choose. 

[Nina Blount]

Hi everyone! 
 

A bit late in saying so, but thank you for the very thoughtful advice in response to such a scattered query. I have spent the weekend speaking with friends who have gotten similar degrees in the UK and not gone on to doctorates, and have a meeting with my program director tomorrow to discuss my options. But for "strangers on the internet," you guys have given some very relevant counsel. 

Having spent so much time and money just to get here, I would like to stay and make the program work. In response to proflorax's important question of what I would do if I leave the program, I don't have a viable plan to do what I want to in L.A. right now financially, and I'm not sure that I yet have the credibility to do so, either. I'm wondering what resources I can realistically leverage through the university that I couldn't without the backing of an institution to gain some of that credibility. For instance, the university's English department and a panel of creative writing students judges a significant literary prize each year - could I join that panel? Are there non-academic projects professors are working on I can get involved with? Can I write a non-fiction book instead of a dissertation? I am not sure how realistic this is. At my undergraduate institution there were opportunities like this everywhere I looked, but it seems very muted and regulated here - although perhaps that is because I just arrived. 

 

As several people mentioned, I think that freelancing here will be important for my sanity, resumé, and bank account, and certainly intend to do so. I will let you know what I decide, and thank you all again for your advice!