GRE issue essay

[Fuad]

Hey guyz, I'm posting here my GRE issue essay please, write your comments, how is it ? thnx in advance.

 

Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to

address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

 

 

All educational institutions have got an aim to prepare their students to be a professional individual of the society and serve for its community in a best way. Educational institutions should play an active role to inspire their students to choose a field of study which will prepare them to gain a profitable profession. However, I don’t believe that educational should do so for three reasons. First, each young man or woman has a great passion and enthusiasm for a field that they are willing to study regardless of its income. Second, every trade is not relevant or suitable for everybody. Third, encouraging students to choose a field of study which  make them a lucrative career owner decrease a reputation  of the educational institution.

First, some of us grow a passion for a field inside us that we strive to study that field of study and become a professional of that field since our childhood, others take a person as role model and set a goal to study at the same field. For example: In my childhood I wanted to be a teacher to teach the youth of my nation and when I grow up I followed my dream, but my cousin wanted to become a doctor whose father was a doctor. There’re some dreams that each of us are willing to realize them, we would never give up to reach those goals, no matter how much or how less profitable is that our field. Besides, some people enjoy their job, despite their profession brings them not enough income such as an artist who is in love with his work and cannot sell his paintings doesn’t give up his trade, because he’s happy with it. It means our field love brings us a happiness which is priceless.

In addition, lucrative jobs might not be relevant for us, because ever human has got his own ability and capacity to do a certain work. To determine which field of study is suitable for a student, there is a student career services in every university and college, students can go there and fill a questionnaire in order to identify which field of study and profession is suitable for them. However, a job could be profitable enough, but everybody is not able to carry out that job. For instance: A field of MBA is a quite popular and lucrative, however people who hate math can go into this field.

Besides, inspiring students to choose a major to prepare them to have profitable career, may decrease reputation of the educational institution. Every society needs a teacher, carpenter, welder, but they unprofitable jobs. People who love his field will not apply this university or college and consequently their reputation will abate. The following example is the best illustration for this case. In Azerbaijan Baku State University encouraged its students to apply for Master of Law and eventually student number increased incredibly, so it decreased both the reputation of the educational institution and lucrativeness of this occupation. 

Along with that some people believe that educational institutions should encourage their students to choose the field of study that prepare them for a profitable career. However, it’s a wrong approach, because students who love their field won’t give up their passion inside them, and every person is not good at the same field, there’s a suitable field for each of us. Also, this policy can result in a reverse effect such as increasing of student number in a certain field and decreasing profit and reputation of that field of study. 

[kimchijajonshim]

On a top level, I can tell you're not a native English speaker. You make a lot of tiny mistakes which I suspect will hurt you on the exam. Unfortunately, I don't think you can do anything about that unless you have a pretty long timeline to practice writing. English is a very, very tricky language.

 

Your thesis does not make sense. The prompt asks you to consider whether education should encourage study that will lead to "lucrative careers." Your thesis says

 

"All educational institutions have got an aim to prepare their students to be a professional individual of the society and serve for its community in a best way. Educational institutions should play an active role to inspire their students to choose a field of study which will prepare them to gain a profitable profession. However, I don’t believe that educational should do so for three reasons."

 

I don't know what you're saying. You're either saying that education roles SHOULD encourage students to go into a profitable profession... except they shouldn't (which doesn't make sense). Or you're saying that they should encourage it, but it should not be the primary goal. I get what your arguing after reading the rest but I would struggle a lot with that main point.

 

Don't use contractions (use "do not" instead of "don't") in formal essays.

 

First argument paragraph about passion: you make the point about passion, but you don't really state whether it should take priority over lucrative career and state how it's INCONSISTENT with a lucrative career. Someone who follows their dreams can totally make it rich... why should passion be more important than money? You're basically saying "you should follow your dreams" without explaining how that is better than or inconsistent with a focus on lucrative careers.

 

I think your second body paragraph has a good foundation, but is still not quite there. You have two cogent points: students may not be suited to lucrative careers by their nature talents and encourage students into "popular" fields can have an unintendedly poor impact on the lucrativeness of the field. Howeveryou kind of mix these things together poorly. I get what you're trying to say, but the two ideas are not synthesized into one idea. By encouraging people to do things beyond their capabilities in search of lucrative work, it can be counter intuitively hurt the students, industry, and the school.

 

The biggest thing that stands out of me it that you ignore the second part of the prompt: "In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position."

 

You completely ignore the merits of the other side. Beyond this specific prompt, in any kind of argumentative essay if you don't consider and counter the strength of the other side, you will get dinged.