Horrid GPA in my SoP, please critique (Biomedical Sciences)

[Shep2789]

For a lot of my applications, the SoP is the only place I have to address my 2.64 GPA, but I don't want to dwell on the negative and still need to fit in all the other things like why I want a PhD and why I want to go to that school specifically inside of ~600 words. Its currently at around 670 words, but rounds out 2 pages nicely. Am I doing it right? All advice is appreciated.

 

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My longstanding fascination with science propelled me to explore the potential opportunities in biology in my earliest years of college. During a Biology 101 laboratory course I was tasked with purifying DNA. We used a protocol that involved collecting precipitated DNA on a pipette tip. This hands-on experience provided real and tangible evidence that was often lacking in classroom lectures. Suddenly, I had the instructions to build a life form wrapped around a stick. I was hooked. The following year, I joined Professor XX’s lab as a work-study research assistant and my professional science career began.

 

For the last 14 months, I have been working at [big research institute] as a Postbaccalaureate Fellow in the laboratory of Dr. YY. My primary project in the laboratory has been developing an in vitro assay to examine the role of transforming growth factor-ß (TGFß) in lymphatic development. We have worked out a protocol for using fluorescence-activated cell sorting (FACS) to isolate lymphatic endothelial cells that we then embed in a collagen gel. In this way, we can control growth conditions and use live imaging and immunohistochemistry to examine the individual effects of different variables. My unique role in that project has been to develop an automated quantification protocol using open-source software that both speeds up data analysis and removes as much human bias as possible. I have also earned my own individual project of developing a whole-organ clarification and mounting protocol for visualizing sympathetic innervation in the developing mouse heart.

 

As a first generation college student from a public education system in rural Oklahoma, I was not prepared for [top school], one of the most elite, private undergraduate institutions in the United States. For three and a half years, I struggled academically, financially, and personally. Late in my senior fall, I learned that I had a reading and writing disorder. Despite the consequences on my GPA, I decided to take a break and I went return home to stabilize. I waited tables for two years, made up my academic deficiencies, and returned to [top school]. I became the first 4-year college graduate of my family.

 

My plan is to become a career scientist in academia. My time at [big research institute] has kindled a passion for the mindset of developmental biologists. Too much medical research is focused only on fixing parts when they break. It frequently disregards how those parts came to function properly in the first place. I want to build on my foundation of developmental research and advance medicine through that perspective. ZZ University is the ideal location to break ground on that foundation because of its unique opportunities. The most obvious is        Also ........

 

Having overcome my own adversities, I believe I am in a position to make an impact on the next generation of scientists. My time as a Teaching Assistant was easily the most fun I had in a laboratory at [top school], but then this summer I volunteered as a mentor in a program directed at disadvantaged high school students. Almost by accident, I pointed one of my students to the same scholarship program that led me to [top school]. It was very last minute, but she applied and was recently named a finalist. Knowing how much her horizons were broadened with that decision I helped her make, I have never felt so rewarded. ZZ University has demonstrated its dedication to reducing disparities through        That is more than enough to know that ZZ would be the perfect fit.

Edited November 6, 2014 by Shepherdbt

[shadowclaw]

I think that the majority of your paragraph discussing your poor GPA can be cut down to a few short sentences. Don't say that your school was one of the most elite universities in the nation. The adcomm will know this if it really is elite. You also worded it like you were unprepared for an elite school, but would have done fine somewhere less prestigious. I don't think that's an accurate assumption and it comes across as an excuse.

I would advise you to write something along the lines of "I was a first generation college student from a public school system, and I was not fully prepared for college. While I initially struggled, I was able to redirect myself and have since had a stellar academic record." Spend less time dwelling on the deficiencies and more time on how you've improved and learned from the experience. I don't know if I would mention the reading and writing disorder, and leave out the financial and personal struggles statement.

I also don't know if it's worth mentioning that you went to public high school. Some people do have the impression that the public school system doesn't prepare students well for college, but it's certainly not always the case, and the adcomm may not have that viewpoint.

[mikemckay]

I agree - better to shorten the reference to the GP you don't have to oversell the point. Additionally, I would avoid 'we' and focus on 'I' or 'me' comments. 

 

Good luck!

[GeoDUDE!]

You should not devote 20% of your SOP to how you fell in love with science. Your applying to graduate school, it is assumed. You can do that in a sentence if you really want to.

 

You have 1 paragraph devoted to the "purpose" part of the statement of purpose. Isn't that too little? You also do a lot of telling and not a lot of showing. 

 

You say you have overcome your adversities... how? Was it just the break? what did you learn during that break?

 

Take an image from your academic life, a problem you solved, describe it with passion, show them that you have solved a problem and why that is evidence for your ability to succeed in graduate school. Get specific, Oh i couldn't measure X in the normal way, so i found a way to do it with Y. Its often not the big ideas that make someone fail in graduate school, but the inability to move day to day. 

 

You want to convey understanding; here you sound like a big eyed child at an orphanage waiting for someone to pick you.

Edited November 8, 2014 by GeoDUDE!

[Applemiu]

I would advise you to write something along the lines of "I was a first generation college student from a public school system, and I was not fully prepared for college. While I initially struggled, I was able to redirect myself and have since had a stellar academic record." Spend less time dwelling on the deficiencies and more time on how you've improved and learned from the experience. I don't know if I would mention the reading and writing disorder, and leave out the financial and personal struggles statement.

 

I agree too, this is excellent advice.

[Shep2789]

you sound like a big eyed child at an orphanage waiting for someone to pick you.

That's exactly how I feel. I'm not at all good with talking about how good I am, I just know that I could show it if given the opportunity. That's what I've always done and that comes through in my rec letters, but that is definitely not good for this part of my application, which needs to be solid with everything else to counter my GPA.

 

Thanks all for the advice, I'll definitely do some reworking.