The parental encouragement thread

[Danochka]

My mom is the opposite. She took my anxiety as a sign that I have no self worth, and nothing I could say would convince her otherwise. I got trapped in a lot of long, painful 'pep talks,' which made me cry, which reinforced her concern...

Bleh.

[drownsoda]

I don't want to rehash of course, but I'm with you all on this one! I've been told by my thesis adviser that I'm a wildcard simply because I don't already have a MA. But my relatives, only a few of whom have degrees, all of which were obtained online, tell me that I'll get in to everything I apply for. Which is really sweet, and I appreciate that they're encouraging me.

However, what I don't appreciate is my mother's attitude towards the grad school process; basically, she doesn't think it's been difficult, stressful, or that it's taken a significant amount of time. I try and explain that I'm ~only~ applying to six schools, and she's mad that I'm "messing around" on my computer instead of coming home and doing housework.

 

I don't really know if there's any solution or advice which would fix or in some way aid how I'm feeling, but I do believe that her inexperience in applying to grad schools makes her unprepared to respond to how I'm feeling, and her basic response is to try and get my mind off of it somehow? My mom is really great. I'm not at all saying that I wish she was smarter, or had another degree or something which would prepare her to deal with my feelings about this process. I just wish that her response to my anxiety and stress wasn't to disregard the situation altogether.

 

I totally empathize. My dad has been in and out of town for work, but the other day he called me and was like "Have you heard anything from the schools?" and I was like, "No, dad, I won't know anything for another month at least." Lol. They are just really naive about it, my mom especially. And it's not like you can shut them out over it or get pissed off, because their intentions of course are good, but the entire thing is emotionally stressful enough without your family being so damned sure of you.

[Rose Tyler]

My whole family is really naiive. I got a lot of "So where are you going for grad school?" over Christmas and my response of "Wherever will take me" became increasingly sarcastic as time went on.

 

I texted my mom about something else last night and mentioned that I'm feeling significantly less hopeful about my chances of getting into doctoral programs. Her response was "It's still early, don't give up hope" and I had to explain to her that I'd found out that at least two of my schools have already sent out all their invites. I've been purposely not telling her that I should be hearing back right now so that she won't think to ask.