Please comment on my first mock GRE argument task attempt

[kgirish]

Prompt:

Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.

 

Directions:

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

 

 

Attempt:

The argument doest sound illogical, but many questions needs to be answered before one can consider the recommendations. 

 

First of all, arguments sets our to establish that Pirouetts Ballet School is the most obvious choice for any child. This explicitly so stated, clearly has not tried to delve into understanding types of children. Children capabilities and interests range from science to arts, from sports to debates. If Pirouettes ballet school is really better than any other school in the Elmtown then it has to divulge more information about itself weather it considers itself as a school of elitists or a school for children with varied capability. 

 

Secondly, Argument mentions that Pirouttes has the most intense program in among all schools at Elmtown. It again fails to divulge in detail what is the meaning of the program being more intense ? Are the children put through a gruelling schedule of classes and practise sessions ?

Or is there any other manner in which children are engaged in a more revealing or more creative manner. These question needs to be answered because, children have varied ability to withstand learning stress. This information might also help parents and guardians to make more informed decisions.

 

Argument also tries to establish the ascendancy of Pirouettes Ballet School by stating that, the school houses many teachers who have danced in  prestigious companies over the world. But this opens up some more questions. These successful people are they, as they sound professional stage performers, inspired enough to teach and instruct to a set of tyros ? .

Even though it is not illogical to consider that such professionally successful instructors are more than enough capable to guide children, it is not sufficient enough. It is might be more important for the argument to divulge information like ,how the teachers are training to guid children, and what is the student to teacher ratio in the school compared to other schools in Elmtown.

 

Finally argument also tried to prove its primary conclusion by supporting that many of the schools students have become top dancers. But here it fails to make a comparison in terms of number of students who have gone on to become professional dancers with other schools. Just mentioning "many students", sounds vague and not sufficient enough. 

 

So, after considering the many unwarranted assumptions the argument makes and the questions it leaves unanswered we can arrive at a conclusion that the argument sounds not illogical but fails to make a strong enough case in support of Pirouttes Ballet school. More information may be necessary to take the arguments recommendation into consideration.