Can someone please grade my essays for GRE?

[vincelatte]

Hi, I wrote two essays (issue essay and argument essay) for my GRE preparation. Can someone grade and give some feedbacks to my essays? Thanks!
 

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Issue problem:

We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

 

My essay:

 

While we live, we are always trying to learn in order to get new insights about what we believe is true. Therefore, we are always seeking this urge to learn by discussing our views with other people. Unfortunately, some people can have different views with what we believe is true. Mostly we will just not acknowledge that different views since humans are afraid of something that they do not believe and as the result, we get nothing. In order to learn more, we should discuss with people with the same views as our own since we can share so many things which can broaden our knowledge in accordance to our point of views.

 

We often see that people argue over what is right between different religions in which, of course each religion has their different viewpoints like Christians praise Jesus Christ while in Buddhism, they also acknowledge some Gods like Vishnu and Shiva as glorious figures.  Even in politics where all politicians discuss about what is right for their country for days based solely on what they think is right and do not consider citizens opinions into account. What is the result? Usually, it will result in nothing good for their citizens. These kind of arguments are futile inasmuch as we will not go anywhere from that argument, instead we just whirligig over different points of view which will never reach a consensus. However, when we discuss our views with the people whose views match us, we can expand our knowledge with many topics about the views since the discussion will always travel from a specific topic to other different kind of topics without too much unnecessary disputes.

 

Moreover, sharing with people in a certain group with the same views can help us to have more connections since we will not be “strangers” when we join that group. We can talk easily with the people there and then pass the time while having fun chatting with them over our interests such as when a scientist joins in a science group or when an artist joins in an art group. In this fun that we have, we will also learn so many things since most of the people who talk with us in that group must have already shared their views frequently with the other members and get some feedbacks.  On the other hand, if we join in a group whose views are different, we will just cause a discrepancy. Instead of learning something, we will break a system whose before has already stable by adding a new component which will never be matched. For example when a scientist joins in an art group and force the exact way of thinking that they have to the group, it will just invoke a chaos.

 

However, with a good discretion sharing with people with different views can indeed increase our knowledge about different perspective. One thing that should be remembered, it does not mean that we enforce our views to other people with different perspectives or we accept other people views bluntly. I have said that it should be treated with a good discretion since we live in a world where every human is unique with their idiosyncratic thoughts. With the knowledge about different perspectives we can also share it to the people whose views are the same with us in case they have an intense aversion with the people whose views are different and do not want to talk with them directly.

 

All in all, our world comprises of so many views which one view is hardly or even will not be able to match the other different views. Therefore, sharing with people whose views are different mostly is just a waste of time and will get us nowhere. In order to expand our knowledge, we should share much with the people with the same views and grasp more knowledge about our views that we have not understood yet.

 

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Argument problem:

The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.

"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

 

My essay:

 

The given argument is flawed for some reasons. Principally, it is because on the baseless assumption that the popularity of skateboarding is the sole cause in the decrement of the shoppers number in the Central Plaza.

 

First of all, we should discuss the most important question here: Does the skateboard users there are the only cause of the reduction in the number of shoppers in Central Plaza? There can be a new sophisticated mall which was opened in an area not far from the Central Plaza. If this is the case, it would be a stronger reason about the decrement in the number of shoppers in the Central Plaza since most of the shoppers will be attracted to go to the new mall. On the other hand, the myriad of the skateboard users can instead have a positive cause since many people could be attracted to see them perform some skateboard tricks or even those skateboard users itself can be some new fanatic shoppers in the Central Plaza. Therefore, we cannot conclude skateboard users as the sole reason that causes Central Plaza to lose shoppers.

 

It is also stated in in the argument that there is a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, the question here is: Are the skateboard users the cause in the increment of those criminalities? Maybe the mall is located near the area with a high criminal rate and some gangsters did their destructive acts in area around the mall or maybe there are some delinquents suddenly had some fun in doing those crimes almost at the same time when the popularity of skateboarding increased.  Since we do not know the real culprit behind those crimes, it would be improper to blame the skateboard users. Had the argument provide the information that the culprits are the skateboard users, the argument still have to prove that they are the only culprits or most of the litter and vandalism acts are caused by them. Since maybe just a few from the skateboard users did the crime and most of the culprits are some other people.

 

Moreover, the argument also claims that by prohibiting skateboarding, the business in the Central Plaza will return to its previously “high levels”. What is “high levels” here? Is it about the number of shoppers? If the answer is “yes” then it might be relevant but if the answer is “no” then there is no purpose of prohibiting skateboarding when the goal is to increase the number of shoppers. However, even after a yes answer, we should think again of another question: Does the current accepted standard for the aforementioned “high levels” is still the same with two years ago? If the standard has already increased then Central Plaza should be even more augmented so it can be better than two years ago.

 

Therefore, since the argument solely depends on a baseless assumption that skateboarding in the Central Plaza is the cause in the number of shoppers’ reduction, the recommendation is less likely to fruit in the predicted result.