Please critique and rate my essays! Thank you!

[iksunl]

Hello, I just finished practice test #2 from PowerPrep and here are the essays. I appreciate any feedback and a possible scoring you would give it.

FYI, I am not sure why it does not indent my first paragraph when I paste it in here, but I assure you that I made an indent on the first paragraph on both of my essays.
 

Young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term, realistic goals rather than seek immediate fame and recognition.

 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

 

To help young people prepare themselves for leadership, societies should certainly instill in them a sense of cooperation as opposed to competition. In fields such as government or industry, it is crucial that people know how to work with others and foster a comraderie with peers. Although competition is beneficial at times, it ultimately instills selfishness in people.

                Leadership roles in government and industries often times involves large groups of people and colleagues. To make institutions and political systems run smoothly, there must be cooperation in order to make things work. For example, when Nelson Mandela was trying to run for president and reunite South Africa from apartheid rule, he could not reunite them if he encouraged the black and white peple to compete with one another for rights. In order to reunite the nation, he had to get both the blacks and the whites to cooperate with each other to cheer behind the South African national rugby team. Competition between the black and white people would have only encouraged further racism and segregation.

                A compelling argument against instilling cooperation over competition is that competition motivates ambitious people to become the best leaders they can be and improve their own skills. While this does seem beneficial to societies to find the best leaders, it encourages people to only look after themselves.

                Competition by itself instills selfish and prideful desires. By instilling a sense of competition in young people, they only learn to think about what is best for them and their reputation. Being a leader is not necessarily about how well you can stand out from others, but moreso how you can bring other people up with you. Cooperation between people would help governments and industries burgeon since people would be more inclined to improve each other instead of only trying to improve themselves.

                Young people should be taught how to cooperate and collaborate so they can best lead other people. No one leader has all of the best ideas for government or in their industry. Competition can bolster individual strenghths, but unless those strengths are shared to either make the institution or surrounding people better, it is futile. 
 

The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company.

 

"According to a recent report from our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen-produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies actually increased during the past year. Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers. Thus, the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available. Super Screen should therefore allocate a greater share of its budget next year to reaching the public through advertising."

 

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

 

It does seem a bit strange how movie reviews can go up, but the viewers decrease. It does seem plausible that these reviews are not reaching out to enough people, but the advertising director should consider other factors first before putting a greater share of the companies budget into advertising.

                Firstly, perhaps the increase in positive reviews by movie reviewers is because only the people who like watching movies made by the Super Screen Movie Production Company are still around to continue watching them and leave reviews. The reviewers who simply did not like the content this movie production company was putting out simply stopped watching movies made by them. Thus, there are less negative reviews and more positive reviews. The advertising director should find out who are the people reviewing the movies to see if they are the same people from the past that reviewed their movies. 
                Secondly, what genre of movies are being made by the Super Screen Movie Production Company? If the company transitioned into only producing movies of a certain genre, then they are only targeting a specific fan base rather than targeting a wider range which may lead to decreased attendance. The advertising director should investigate to see if there are any trends or changes that occured over the years within the company that may cause the attendance to decrease while the positive reviews to increase.
                Lastly, did the movie reviewers have any external incentives to write positive reviews? It is not uncommon to hear about popular name brands paying or endorsing celebrities or athletes to wear their products and to give the companies a good reputation. The same could happen in the movie industry. Perhaps the movie reviewers were told they would get free movie tickets or the opportunity to meet the actors and actresses in person if they left positive reviews. If this is the case, then the reviews are not nearly as great as the company thought they were which still leaves open the possibility that the quality of the movies are not up to par with the company's competition.
                The advertising director is probably primarily concerned of how the advertising side of the company can help bring in more viewers. While it makes sense to think that more advertising would equate to more viewers, the quantity of advertisements may not be the only factor holding them back from getting more viewers. In order to the advertising director to help the company bring in greater attendance, he or she should look into other aspects that may be causing the positive reviews to go up and the number of viewers to decrease.