Pls score my issue essay

[henry lew]

Dear all,

 

I got a 4 form my first sitting of GRE intending to retake again in 2 months time. The last time round I only prepared for the AWA 2 weeks before. I used "templates"  and thought it could take me further. Have written this without the template, please help me to see where I stand and how I can improve?

 

Sincerest thanks to any kind soul. 

 

Issue Task:

 

Some people claim that you can tell whether a nation is great by looking at the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists. Others argue that the surest indicator of a great nation is, in fact, the general welfare of all its people.

 

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

 

 

 

Essay:   

 

There are many ways to define the greatness of a nation. The author brings up the controversial topic that the greatness of a nation has been hotly debated by others to be defined by the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists or, to be defined by the general welfare of its people. The greatness of a nation is most adequately captured by how much it has contributed to not only its people but also to other nations and humankind as a whole. I would argue then that instead of a dichotomous view of about the greatness of a nation, that the greatness of a nation be indicated by both the achievements of its rulers, artists, scientists and the general welfare of its people.

 

The greatness of a nation can be indicated by how much influence and impact it has on the betterment of humankind currently. One of the significant ways that great nations influence and impact other nations is through their achievements. Take for instance, the United States of America, its achievements in the various spheres:  Technology as evidence by its Silicon Valley that is the Mecca for technocrats, Economy where Wall Street which is literally the pulse of the world’s economy, Pop culture export of pop artists like Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift that influences young people throughout the world, Leaders like Obama who actively involve itself in international affairs like fighting against terrorism.  A nation’s greatness is measured by the extent of how it shapes different aspects of the international community. Hence its achievements in the various domains would be a good indicator of its greatness.

 

The achievements of a nation by its rulers, artists and scientists may not only impact the betterment of humankind currently but can stand to benefit humankind in future generations.  Very often, these achievements of great nations are enduring to influence future societies as well.  The Greek empire though no longer exists but is very often hail as a great nation because not only of the various achievements of its people during its time, but those achievements contributed to the development of future generations and future nations. The style of art, the political system that is one of the foundation of modern democracy demonstrates that a great nation contributes future generations as well. As such the achievements a nation is a good indicator if its greatness.

 

Although, one can argue that there are impactful nations that achieve but it can come at the costs of its people, and that it is better not to use achievement as an indicator. One such would be the Soviet Union where it achieved significant political, military and technological advances. Nevertheless, there were evidence of its people starving and their welfare not taken care of. While it is tempting here to conclude to use the welfare of its people to define the greatness of a nation instead, we must bear in mind that the welfare of its people is very often a result of the system and rulers and if they have made any achievements to take care about the welfare of its people. As such, the greatness of a nation can only be better measured if we take into account both its achievements and the welfare of its people.

 

In conclusion, the greatness of a nation is better measured if we look at both its achievements and the welfare of its better, as both are intricately linked.