Evaluation of Essay

[HGM]

Please guide me through my flaws and help me improve my essay writing skills. and if possible i would like to know where do i stand in the range 1-6. TIA

1)Technology, while apparently aimed to simplify our lives, only makes our lives more complicated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Every invention or discovery has its Pro's and cons,well this stands no different when we speak about the technology which we use in our day to day life.

From the coffee machine which helps you make hot piping coffee early morning till the massage machine which helps you relax your muscles from the hectic day you had, all revolves around technology.We can clearly note that the technology has made our onourous tasks to be executed in a simple way, everything comes with an instruction manual,be it the point wise instructions or the illustrative guidance which helps any individual to operate any device easily.The other factor which is important to throw light upon is how economically fesiable the device and its working environment, not all live under a huge roof, and so this might not be available to all class of people.

Cosidering the lifestyle trending in this era we can easily make out "Time is Money",we see people with hectic schedule eagerly hoping to find time for their family,friends and themselves,comparing the technology present today to the one present a decade ago,its shows how easy-peasy lemon squeasy any task can be executed and in addition to saving TIME.

The disaster strikes when the technology fails to operate and when our tasks are very much tied onto it,no wonder it makes ous lazy at times but still we all know everything has its own advantages and disadvantages so its upto us to make it more advantageous.

 

 

 

2)SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's current headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The author states that SuperCorp has made its best decision by moving its headquaters to Corporateville,and based upon few facts and points the author  has drawn this conclusion.

It's pointed that Middlesburg is predominately urban area and the SuperCorp employee survey state that their employees love the sight of the bucolic view of Corporateville and they prefer countryside rather than urban. No wonder any individual loves to hear the sweet melodious chirping of the birds,and with a huge number of floura and funa around you,you are just within the nature and feel serene.But the facilities that you can have in an urban city is no match for the one in the countryside take it from the infrastructure for MNC's or hospitals and the reach and availability for anything and everything"You name it,You get it".

The author states Corporateville is a safer place to work which makes me a little curious.Either Corporateville must be having a surplus of cops or their must be a dearth of theives in that place! because there's no place in this world which is safe. He also states that it has lower taxes, but this point might not sustain for long,as and when the city grows and flourishes so does the taxes unless the city is wealthy enough to not seek taxes for the development of its city.

Everything around ous is judged by our desires, if we wish to be nearer to nature we would choose a countryside and if not an urban side but everything changes with time and so its not apt to conclude that Supercorp has made the best decision, if things are the same forever then it might be the best decision, but the question is will they remain the same?

 

 

Edited September 13, 2015 by HGM

[HGM]

Please do evaluate

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

hi HGM,

I would give both of your essays a 2. 

Though there are moments in both essays where you appear to be following the directions, neither essay maintains focus on the assignment nor does either really provide any analysis regarding your claims and observations. Instead, you seem to be writing about whatever the topic reminds you of at any given moment.

I highly recommend reading what ETS has to say about the essays, reading their sample essays, then brainstorming lots of different prompts. Practice writing a few untimed, then try timed again and post them here.

[HGM]

Thank u  will surely get back with few more after working on it