Please grade this Argument Essay :)

[Danish Sinha]

Three years ago, because of flooding at the Western Palean Wildlife Preserve, 100 lions and 100 western gazelles were moved to the East Palean Preserve, an area that is home to most of the same species that are found in the western preserve, though in larger numbers, and to the eastern gazelle, a close relative of the western gazelle. The only difference in climate is that the eastern preserve typically has slightly less rainfall. Unfortunately, after three years in the eastern preserve, the imported western gazelle population has been virtually eliminated. Since the slight reduction in rainfall cannot be the cause of the virtual elimination of western gazelle, their disappearance must have been caused by the larger number of predators in the eastern preserve.

 

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

 

The following argument is flawed for numerous reasons. The possibility of elimination of western species just due to a large number of predators is vague. Also we have not been provided any solid information regarding the same. 

In the following passage, we have been told that the climate has less rainfall but we have not been mention how less exactly. Maybe these animals would not have been suited for that kind of rainfall. There could have been a situation where a large number of gazelle   in a limited area of land would have consumed the food supply really fast and would have caused food shortage and died due to starvation. 

We have also been told that the predators would have killed the western preserve animals, but there is no specific data regarding that. There is another question that how did we come to a conclusion that only the western gazelle population has been eliminated? If the same species are present in both the terrain then it is impossible to distuingh between the imported western and the eastern gazelle. Maybe if that was the case then both  should have been eliminated.  

A large number of predators cannot be the cause of the elimination of western gazelles as there was a large number of eastern gazelles present in the same area. Therefore, we cannot make the conclusion that the elimination is only caused by the larger number of predators in the eastern preserve.

[TheBumChikiBum]

 Nothing is final and no one is perfect. Just stating my personal opinion :

1. Increase your essay length. Write more. Touch 500 words. Please.
2. Larger paragraphs required. Please Please write more.
3. There is a dearth of ideas.
4.  I do not want to be mean. But, look at your ending. It's horrible. You do not have to make a conclusion of the argument. Please read what the question has asked you.
5. The question wants you to : 
   (a)discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument 
   (b)explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
6. You cannot take a side and state that the conclusion is correct or incorrect. You have to evaluate the stated/ unstated assumptions and the evidence needed to evaluate the argument.
7. Do you know what's following ? Following means anything that comes after the sentence in which following is mentioned. 
8. Use a few GRE words, if you can.