Can someone help me edit this ISSUE ESSAY?

[ilovehrithikroshan]

Issue essay topic: "The perceived greatness of any political leader has more to do with the challenges faced by that leader than with any of his or her inherent skills and abilities."

ME:

 

"I have a dream", Martin Luther King Jr. once said, but these words were not only words. They were words with power, a call to take action.Dr. King was a very charismatic person, just like Mr. Kennedy, and today, Obama. However, without their great personality, without their great leadership and experience, they would not be perceived as great.  This is why I believe that the inherent skills and abilities that many political leaders possess  is what makes them be perceived as greater.

One was always able to hear Kennedy on the radio or watch him on television. He always had a smile, carried himself very well, and people loved him. They saw him as a greater human because of the way he did things, not because of what he did. Although he faced numerous challenges, that is not why he was perceived as great. He felt like a friend to most people, and he seemed very comforting with his voice and his way of being. This is one example of Kennedy's inherent skills and why he was perceived as greater.

As for Obama, what will people remember him for in a few years? Obamacare? Not necessarily. They will remember him as the president who wasn't so serious all the time, very charismatic, energetic, who loved his wife,  etc. It was like watching a reality TV show of the president.

 Hitler on the other hand, was not charismatic, he was very aggressive, very straightforward, yet all of Germany followed his lead and perceived him as great, one could even say as God. Was it because of the challenges he faced? No. It was because he was able to manipulate, and this is indeed part of his inherent skills and abilities.

Political leaders such as Obama, Kennedy, and Martin Luther King Jr. have faced many challenges during their presidential term(s). However, if it weren't for their charisma and their inherent skills and abilities, they would not be perceived as great. It is all about one's attitude, that is why they are perceived as great. 

[nevermind]

If I was grading this, I'd say it's at about a 4. It's a little clunky (using words like etc., phrases like "perceived as greater" without connecting that to a statement...greater than what?), and your transitions/topic sentences aren't clear. You don't show any nuanced ideas and how a nuanced version of the previous statement informs your views.

One idea to incorporate nuance would be to focus on adjectives, like the key word "perceived". What does this mean? Perception by proponents of their ideas, opponents of their ideas, and international audiences might have differences in perception that conflict in the degree of greatness attributed to leaders-which can be discussed in the essay. In addition, the challenges of the leader alone may not be enough to bestow greatness. However, responses to challenges faced over time might develop skills that contribute to achieving a positive--and powerful--legacy, such as clear articulation of ideas, leadership skills, boldness, learning how to compromise in order to advance larger issues. Inherent characteristics are also difficult to assess (since they are not tangible things), but you could construct an argument for this too...may be a right place/right time argument (or look at Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers). Any of these ideas could be discussed at length in the essay to give the impression that there are other factors at play other than what you stated.