Stuck between a rock and a hard place

[Shake]

Hi!. I am struggling to make some big decisions and wanted to see if the 'experts committee' here had any advice or ideas I haven't consider myself.

I am in my 3rd semester of a PhD program in Civil Engineering (water resources) and I am feeling more and more convinced that I should quit it. Main reasons are that:

a. I don't think that research is for me. I don't really enjoy it and it doesn't enjoy me

b. I am truly convinced that for the kinds of jobs I want, having a PhD will actually hurt me. I never even consider academia and thought I may enjoy research. I am now way more inclined to consulting.  

c. I am really burnt already and I truly don't see myself enduring about 3 more years of this plus the added stress of quals, prelimns and whatnot.

d. My family is struggling financially back home and I need to start making real money in order to help them out,

e. I'm in my late 30s and I really feel like it is time for me to live life and stop this school nonsense.

 

Obviously, at this point I would really like to at least get the Masters but not sure how to proceed next while covering all my bases at the same time.

The problem is that I am an international student and would like to stay in the US after getting the degree but that creates some troubles that I wouldn't have if I were a citizen.  Let me also add that I have an American boyfriend which makes wanting to stay even more important.

I am just 6 credits (two classes) away from being able to get the MS if we count research hours towards the degree. My advisor, with whom I think I have a fantastic relationship, just had a baby and I feel like her priorities have changed enormously. So much that she was actually thinking of taking a leave of absence  next year but now seems like she will just not be teaching and only doing research. Obviously that feels like it is perfect timing for me to address my desire to leave with an MS and that she will be understanding of my personal life choices.  Oh and I already do have a BS and a MS in another engineering discipline from my home institution in western Europe. 

So, my options with pros and cons are the following:

- I talk to her now and I take the remaining classes next semester while doing my Thesis. Cons are that she is not happy at all and says that I can do that but I will not be funded next semester. Given that I cannot work on my visa and cannot even get a loan because I am not a citizen that would mean that I can't stay nor finish the degree. Despite she being cool and getting along well with me, I would be the 4th person to 'abandon' her and that may make this a more sensitive subject. Also, personally supporting my life choices does not necessarily mean she has to fund them.

- I don't say anything, I take the two classes we already agreed on for next semester (she doesn't want me to take more so I can do more research). Next fall I take two other classes, tell her I want to leave at the end of the semester and I leave with a Professional Master of Civil Engineering (research hours don't count for this). Cons are that I would much rather not lie or conceal information and I would be getting a MCE instead of a MS but I don't think that really matters for Civil Engineers (and remember that I already have a MS anyway). The other con is that the school does not necessarily have to grant me the degree even if I have all the necessary coursework but  I have talked to the administrator in that department and she says that even in much worst scenarios (people lying, blantly not caring, they were always granted the degree). This option would also prevent me from having to write a Thesis. On the other hand they will want me to take the quals that next Fall semester which I can only imagine how miserable that will feel, especially knowing that I intend to leave. I can always just fail them miserably and use that as an excuse to leave!. This option just feels really sketchy and shady.

- Both prior options are followed by the job search after graduation and not sure recommendation letters will be happening after either scenarios. I assume OPT will be the way to go because it feels like getting H1 visa is sort of wining the lottery.

 

This is obviously a decision I need to make by myself but again, wondered if you guys think of something I haven't consider.

 

Thanks a lot  for reading and for listening to my academic/life woes.

 

 

 

 

 

[Chubberubber]

This might be getting way to personal, but  I'm just gonna say it- you could also get married. Now that it's out of my system, to more practical idea- why don't you share your feelings and reservations about continuing the program with your advisor, without saying that you made up your mind to quit . It might alloe you to "test the water" regarding your advisor's potential response thus eliminating some of the uncertainties of option A, and also make a choice of option B less shocking for her should you choose to eventually go that route. Additionally, having had 3 prior students quit, she might have some insights as to what you're going through and perhaps can direct you to resources or options you are currently unaware of. 

[TakeruK]

What visa status are you on? You mention OPT so I assume you mean F-1. 

You should talk to your school's international office to get the details, but one important fact is: you do not have to have a job offer in hand in order to qualify for OPT status. And if you are in a STEM field, then OPT status is (currently) 29 months. You can get a Masters degree, graduate, go on OPT status and remain in the US legally until you find a job (and you can also work on OPT status).  This information might help? Sorry if it's just repeating info you already know.

This will fulfill the short term goals of: 1) staying in America and 2) being able to work. One of my friends was in a similar situation as you and was on OPT for about a year, did some odd science jobs and then eventually found work with a company willing to sponsor her H1-B status. 

The part that I can't help you with is the getting the Masters part. But maybe there is an office on campus that could help you (e.g. the graduate studies office at some schools can help with this).

Finally, while it won't help with the "leaving the PhD program" part, there are concessions in the F-1 program that allows students to work while in school in order to meet an unforeseen and large financial need. Not sure what your situation is, but your international student office can help determine if you qualify and help you apply.