What are my chances? Specific circumstances, low GPA.

[HoneyBee2918]

Hi,

I'm trying to apply to neuroscience PhD programs this year. I'm finishing my undergraduate in Biophysics with a math and chem minor very, very late. To make an excessively long story short, I first went to med school in the UK right after high school in the US, and was the top of the class my first year; however, I got very, very depressed that this wasn't really what I wanted to do with my life, and left after my second year. I had to take a year off before transferring, and then I transferred to the school I am at now (I must admit that the classes I took as a "freshman" in the new university were nothing less than taxing. Genetics, Orgo, Modern Physics, and three GE classes with a 3 hour night lab was not something I expected). However, at that time I was not aware that I was actually depressed, and so my GPA just kept falling (Think As and Bs with a few C's here and there). Then, 3 years ago, it got to the point I just couldn't get up to bathe myself, let alone attend classes. The 1.5hr one way commute plus orchestra, which meant me coming home at 8 PM two days a week, really didn't help, and neither did losing my family and friends in the Fukushima incident in 2011. I went AWOL from the university, and subsequently failed a few classes that I was taking then. I was supposed to graduate this year. 

Last year, someone finally suggested that I wasn't being a lazy coward but rather that I had mental issues, and I began to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with anxiety disorders and depression. I'm not the crying type and I don't really fly off the handle, so the diagnosis was apparently difficult. I'm back in school this semester, taking the final classes I need to graduate (which is 3 classes). My GPA, right this second, is 3.0 exact with the fails. I think it was like 3.2 before that. I also was planning to finish my university in 2.5 years (so I took summer classes every year and had about 18~21 credits every semester.) I'm feeling better now, although I'm not sure if I'm 'recovered'. 

I probably will get good LORs, or at least I hope so. I have done about 3 years of research, but not much to show for it, as one paper I did author was never submitted. I taught English and Japanese (TA and writing tutor) at university, was a concertmistress of the orchestra, and these extracurriculars do tie into my research topic. I'm also unsure whether I am 'international' or 'domestic' as I am a foreign citizen the bulk majority of my education, including elementary all the way up to BS, is in the US. Apparently my case isn't that common, so I can't find much information about it.

Now, my hope schools are places like Maryland, Northwestern, and JHU, not because they are "good schools" - they are, but I'm not that concerned about that - but because my research topic is extremely interdisciplinary, mixing linguistics, electrophysiology, and neuroscience. So preferably I'd like to attend a program that doesn't just look at cognitive science/neuroscience from a psychological viewpoint. Those schools, as it turns out, aren't that numerous. They have neuroscience programs from electrophysiological viewpoint, neuroscience programs with linguistics, but not with all three. I have a very clear research topic in mind, something that with enough knowledge and equipment I can turn into a dissertation, according to my current professors. 

My general GREs, as subject GREs aren't required, are within the top 4% of the nation, so it's in the upper 160s for each subject. I think I got a 5.5 on my essay. I can get it higher, but I've been told there's not much point. The average stats for the programs I looked at are approximately upper 150's for each subject, 4.5~5 for essay, and 3.5~3.6 for GPA. 

The problem I'm having is that getting an MS is a bit out of option at the moment. I cannot take out loans, and funding's scarce. I can scrounge up enough to live on my own, but definitely not enough to pay for a masters tuition. 

I've e-mailed the professors I want to work with (their topics coincide with mine somewhat), but they're all very busy people, and only one has e-mailed back from about twenty. 

My professors that I've spoken to are baffled by my low GPA. They just cannot figure out why I'm not performing to my apparent intelligence level. To quote one professor, "you ask poignant questions, show thorough thinking, seem dedicated, do your work, and really should be getting A's in my class. I know you can do better". This is not the first - nor the third, or even the fifth - time a professor has said this to me. I'm either a supremely excellent con-man with a knack for tricking people into thinking I'm intelligent, or there's an underlying problem that no one - not even the advisers - can figure out. 

I'm really not sure what I can do at this point. There aren't much more upper division classes I can take that pertains to my focus. I've taken most of the physics classes offered, and my school doesn't have many neuroscience classes. All my professors unanimously say that I'd probably do better in grad school, and that they can't imagine me being anywhere else. (Maybe they're just being nice, however). I'm feeling discouraged and blocked in, and after all sorts of problems, I still can't give this up. What would you advise?

Edited November 1, 2015 by HoneyBee2918