SOP Help? (I'll edit yours if you edit mine!)

[biochemgirl67]

I posted this in the Biology thread but am looking for some final critiques.  I've posted my Harvard statement below and will work the rest off of it.  I appreciate any comments or suggestions and would be glad to do the same for anybody else!  Just to note, it is definitely below all the word/page limits of all my schools.

 

I have not always wanted to be a scientist; as a child I sometimes dreamed of changing the world as an artist, a writer, or a doctor.  However, as my scientific exposure increased and modern medical crises unfolded, I became interested in the research and study of the molecular basis of immune regulation during disease.  As a result of my extensive academic and research experiences in molecular biology, microbiology, genetics, and stem cell biology, I am interested in the molecular signaling of the immune system in diseases such as cancer, pathogenic infection, and autoimmune disorders.  Through graduate study, I will be able to learn deeply about the immune system and advance my passion for biomedical research.   A doctoral degree in immunology at Harvard University will catalyze my career in biomedical research and expand my horizons through high-level training and exposure to current research efforts. 

In order to explore science at a deeper level, I added minors in microbiology and genetics to my biochemistry curriculum.  I also enrolled in graduate courses that focused on complex molecular topics and was able to familiarize myself with experimental practices and modern research efforts through critique of published literature. I also authored both an NIH proposal on T-cell receptor signaling during human T-cell lymphotrophic virus (HTLV-1) infection and a review on lymphopoiesis during human immunodeficiency virus (HIV-1) infection as part of the courses to develop skills necessary for graduate study.  These academic projects have augmented my desire to continue participating in a high level scientific education through graduate school and have been enhanced by my research experiences.

At *** University, I joined the laboratory of Dr. J in January 2014.  She and I generated a pilot project connecting past work on the histone JIL-1 tandem kinase loss-of-function mutations to an obesity phenotype in Drosophila melanogaster.  I work independently and am responsible for designing and executing novel experimental set-ups for a mutant panel.  Current results from the larval buoyancy assay, starvation assay, and a capillary feeder (CAFE) assay indicate that a severe loss of JIL-1 function leads to increased obesity, suggesting a role for chromatin organization in the disease state possibly through an altered metabolic profile and expression of cellular enzymes.  The independent work, design of experiments, and connection to the biomedical problem of obesity bolsters my goal of the study of cellular regulation and signaling related to diseases.

During an NSF REU at the University of ***, I worked with Dr. W to connect diversity in the gut microbiome and resistance to malarial infection.  I cultured Lactobacillus strains found in both resistant and susceptible mice and compared their 16S rRNA sequences to construct phylogenetic trees.  I identified Lactobacillus rhamnosus as a potential candidate for future probiotic treatment of malarial infection.  I also sequenced and phylogenetically characterized bacteria in a yogurt concoction made to inoculate gnotobiotic mice in future testing of resistivity.  Both findings contributed to a manuscript currently under review at PNAS and resulted in my co-authorship of the report.  My experience at the University of *** allowed me to become familiar with several genetic and microbial techniques as well as the scientific peer review process, further piquing my interest in a high-level research career. 

I was named as a 2015 Amgen Scholar through Harvard University and worked with Dr. S at Boston Children’s Hospital researching the effect bone marrow niche cell TNF receptor signaling has on hematopoietic population recovery after chemotherapy.  I received intensive training in flow cytometry techniques, genetic analysis, and preparation and staining of cellular samples.  We treated TNF double knockout mice with a course of busulfan and cyclophosphamide nonmyeloablative chemotherapy for leukemia and analyzed the bone marrow and peripheral blood over time to quantify hematopoietic population numbers.  Although the results indicated that the TNF receptors on bone marrow niche cells did not play a role in the recovery of niche cell populations, I was able to combine subject matter from my graduate level immunology and molecular signaling courses to use the published literature to hypothesize a role for niche TNF receptor signaling in myelopoiesis and design future stem cell localization experiments.  This research cemented my long-standing interest in the contribution of the immune system and its signaling to diseases such as cancer, infections, and autoimmune disorders as a concrete direction for my future study.

My mentors and their research have motivated me to become a principal investigator of immunological disease regulation.  My goal is to pursue a career path in scientific research that allows me to design experiments and projects investigating the molecular mechanisms and consequences of immune cell regulation through signaling.  I am most interested in a position at an institution that focuses the role of the immune system grievous diseases such as cancer, microbial infection, and autoimmune disorders in order to participate in the next frontier of disease research focused on the dynamics of molecular regulation and signaling. 

Graduate school will facilitate the necessary training for a career in scientific research.  My summer at Harvard University has shown me that the Immunology Program is an ideal program for me due to the opportunity to research at the associated medical institutions at both the Longwood Medical Area and Massachusetts General Hospital campuses on major research topics that align with my interest in immune regulation and signaling.  The laboratory of Marjorie Oettinger particularly exemplifies my choice due to her focus on immune system organization through V(D)J recombination molecular regulation shown in her recent publication on the significance of mutations in recombination Rag enzymes in Omenn Syndrome immunodeficiency.  Dr. Oettinger is one of several faculty members with research applicable to my interests and career goals.  By earning my doctorate through the Immunology Program at Harvard University, I will be able to build on the foundation of my academic and research experiences to achieve my goal of spearheading future research of grievous diseases.

[Bioenchilada]

You're statement of purpose has really improved since the first time you posted, good job!  

I can take a more careful look at it and edit it a little if you want me to. 

[biochemgirl67]

1 hour ago, Bioenchilada said:

You're statement of purpose has really improved since the first time you posted, good job!  

I can take a more careful look at it and edit it a little if you want me to. 

Haha thank you!  If you see something needs attention, by all means, critique and let me know!  I'm starting to hit the submit button and am freaking out just a tad.

[Promit B]

These academic projects have augmented my desire to continue participating in a high level scientific education through graduate school and have been enhanced by my research experiences.

 We treated TNF double knockout . Who ?

My goal is to pursue a career path in scientific research that allows me to design experiments and projects investigating the molecular mechanisms and consequences of immune cell regulation through signaling. Such as ?

I believe  Graduate school will facilitate the necessary training for a career in scientific research.

 Dr. Oettinger is one of several faculty members with research applicable related/similar to my interests and career goals . So ? What purpose this sentence serves?