Hi guys, would you be kind and critical to rate my essay, thank you

[erin_bayou]

To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

 

                You are what you eat is a common phrase to define an individual, but it is unheard of to hear a phrase that says you are where you live. Therefore, the argument that says a society is defined by their major city has several limitations and invalid due to several reasons.  There are two parts that can be argued in relation to this question, first, what are the most important characteristics of a society, and secondly whether or not a specific location such as a city would reflect such characteristics. In order to fully address this question, this essay will first discuss what can be considered as the most important characteristics of a society, and then followed by a discussion on whether or not cities play important role in reflecting such characteristics of a society.

                E.B Taylor, an Oxford scholar and founding father of the field of anthropology defines culture as a complex whole that encompasses moral, knowledge, skills, law, and other capabilities. The topic of culture commensurate to the characteristic of a society, for culture is a blueprint of our daily life. Based on the definition of culture, we can relate that some of the most important characteristics of a society is intelligence, values, traditions, and skills. To answer the question whether or not studying any major cities in order to get a pellucid view of its dwellers and their characteristics, we should consider cities that reflect the aforementioned characteristics.

                As cliché as it may sound, globalization seemed to be a major factor that attracts global businesses to operate in major cities.  In fact, several key important stock trading markets in the world operate in major cities for example Dow Jones in London, New York Stock Exchange in New York, and Nikkei in Tokyo. The question remain however, can we all assume that people who live in London, Tokyo and New York are true representative of their cities? Let’s not forget the fact that in the cities, where the real rat race, dog eats dog world are taking place resulting its dwellers to be in constant hurry, individualistic, often easily frustrated if things were a little slower than expected. Nevertheless, when the question asks to study the city, does it mean that we also need to consider the level of cleanliness, the crime rates, the types of buildings and public facilities? For the sake of argument, is it fair to say that New Yorkers attitude are the best representative of American societies? While location plays an important role to determine the characteristics of a society, studying its cities alone is not enough to reflect the cultural make up of a society.

                To get a better out look of a society, we should also consider other areas that are densely populated by a society and triangulate the findings with definitive characteristics, then only draw our conclusion about a particular society and their characteristics. Another reasons why city is not the best representative of a specific culture would be a university town. West Virginia in United States is often dubbed as the most backward, obese, and poorest states in the United States. However, if you visit one of the cities in the state, say Morgantown, the host Town of West Virginia University, the aforementioned characteristics were very far from what was described. Due to the university demographics, the town offers amenities that can only be found in major cities like New York and Tokyo despite the fact that the actual location of the town is somewhat rural. Various multi-cultural events, groceries that offer exotic, international ingredients, different languages spoken, active sports activities, can be found here, but if we were to go outside of about 5 miles radius from the university town, we can see what was dubbed to the state somewhat evidential. Apart from that, university town demographic changes rapidly, as most students graduated from their study and leave the city.

                While many argue that major cities are the epicenter of cultural activities, it is still unfair to simply generalize that the whole society are like that. Studying the cities while may give us some pointers about its dwellers, nevertheless are not true representative its people and characteristics. We can also argue that most of the major cities, due to its business, often reflect similar characteristics, from films or travel experiences many agree that London, New York, and Tokyo has great rail system, that punctuality is highly valued in these cities, that we can easily found  ethnic cuisines in these cities, but the conclusion remain the same, cities are not the best pool to study the characteristics of a society, other areas such as suburbs, countries, farms should also be looked at to get a better understanding of a society.

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

hi Erin,

To me, this was a bit difficult to follow - I think you are trying to do a little too much here and you could use more focus, which will hopefully be solved with more planning. You clearly have intelligent things to say, but I found the organization to be a bit rambling. It's probably going to get about a 4.

I would answer the question more directly - you seem to, at times, simplify it to something like "should we only study cities?". To get a high score, you must answer the question as it's written.

In 30 minutes, you may not have time to spend a whole paragraph deciding what the most important characteristics of a society are. I would use your intro to define the context of your essay, then get into answering the question with the first body paragraph.

I would advise (as I usually do) that you brainstorm several more prompts before you write, then try writing a few essays untimed before you write another one timed. Feel free to post your next one here. Use the sample essays on ETS's website as a guide to what works.

Best, Vince