Guys please rate my first GRE AWA Essay

[sriz1]

Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Formal education is an important component of learning these days. It refer to the academic training provided in schools, universities, institutions etc. While a  prerequisite for our academic and career pursuits, formal education restricts our  thought process to a great extent. This is particularly true for the formal education available in developing countries.

Formal education brings a set framework for academic training of students. Each student despite their skill set are taught the same curriculum which stresses more on facts rather than on analytical thinking. Similarly, teachers also promote regression of mental skills by  giving exercise and class activities that focus more towards fact-based learning. As a result, students only study material that is related to the curriculum and refrain from engaging in reflective thinking.

An important element of formal education is the examination that tests students academic knowledge. These exams, however, are hardly got indicators of a students' academic knowledge; these exams test the memorization skills of students and not their mental capabilities. Due to tough competition for higher grades in these exams, students are thrown into a race where they attempt to rote learn as much as they could so they could perform well in the exams. In this race for higher grades, the true essence of education has been lost. Student hardly spend any time on thinking and mental exercises.

Some tools of formal education like case studies and group projects do promote innovative thinking to certain extent but even the scope of these activities in promoting out of the box thinking is limited. Due to the fear of impending deadlines and work load, students try to find shortcuts where they have to think as little as they could. However, there are still some areas of study like philosophy that require rigorous critical thinking. While being part of formal education, these social science fields of study promote logic reflection, and spiritual growth . So, it won't be right to say that formal education totally restraints mind and spirit.

Therefore, formal education impairs mental and spiritual growth and is more focused towards standard learning that promotes memorization only.

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

hey Sriz,

Not bad - I would give this essay a 4.

Illustrate your points with examples. Can you give us an example of a fact-based learning class activity that "promotes regression of mental skills"?

Don't feel the need to make your stance so black and white: "students... refrain from engaging in reflective thinking".

I do like that you try to discuss exceptions to your thesis (philosophy), but go into that a bit more deeply. It's a good idea to discuss the counterargument at the beginning of the essay and then respond to it with the rest of your essay.

I was also hoping, after reading the intro, that you'd deliver on the promise of this being particularly bad in developing countries.

Best, Vince