A little help on SOP intro for MPH please?? Thanks!!!

[ConstanceY]

Hi guys  

Please help to take a look at my SOP introduction please ?? Just trying to make sure I'm on the right track, and English is my second language..don't want my writings to be awkward ... (The word count requirement is 1500 words approximately, so my Intro is kinda long )

Thanks in advance !!!  

'Growing up in a doctors’ family, I understand the importance of medicine from a very young age. Before starting my International Relations undergraduate study in Australia, diseases to me were simply biological and genetic related. However, with an academic emphasis on global developmental problems and crisis, I started to realize that social and cultural factors affect health and illness, too. As a result of my professional experiences in Chinese hospital and women’s federation during summer breaks, and later 1.5 year full time in medical technology industry, I am exposed to more realistic healthcare issues, such as the poor women’s health screening promotions; lack of shared medical database; negative responds towards government policies. With the current political environment in China, I believe good public health policies are essential and I am motivated to make a difference.  With a systematical graduate study in public health focusing on policy and management, I believe I will be able to acquire the most practical policy analytical methods to use in my future real-world experiences.

' 

Thank you so much!!!!

[Elvidi]

21 minutes ago, ConstanceY said:

Hi guys  

Please help to take a look at my SOP introduction please ?? Just trying to make sure I'm on the right track, and English is my second language..don't want my writings to be awkward ... (The word count requirement is 1500 words approximately, so my Intro is kinda long )

Thanks in advance !!!  

'Growing up in a doctors’ family, I understand understood the importance of medicine from a very young age. Before starting my International Relations undergraduate study in Australia, (diseases to me were simply biological and genetic related) this is somewhat awkward - I don't quite understand what you're going for - something like "diseases were limited to the realm of biology and genetics"?. However, with an academic emphasis on global developmental problems and crisis (crises?), I started to realize that social and cultural factors affect health and illness, too. As a result of my professional experiences in a Chinese hospital and women’s federation during summer breaks, and later 1.5 years full-time in medical technology industry, I am exposed to more realistic healthcare issues, such as the poor promotion of women’s health screening promotions; lack of shared medical database; and negative responds towards government policies. With the current political environment in China, I believe good public health policies are essential and I am motivated to make a difference.  With a systematical graduate study in public health focusing on policy and management, I believe I will be able to acquire the most practical policy analytical methods to use in my future real-world experiences.

Hi! Hope this helps  

[ConstanceY]

21 minutes ago, Elvidi said:

Hi! Hope this helps  

Thank you Elvidi   This is very helpful!   I was just trying to say I was looking at health and diseases from a scientific perspective instead of a social one...but it makes more sense now hahah.  Hope I could convince the adcom to understand my reason of transferring to public health after learning politics...

[Promit B]

'Growing up in a doctors’ family, I understand the importance of medicine from a very young age .

''As a result of my professional experiences in Chinese hospital and women’s federation during summer breaks, and later 1.5 year full time in medical technology industry ...''

: During which summer break ? What was the duration ? What did you do ?
Which medical company ? What was your post ? How did you learn ?

''With the current political environment in China, I believe good public health policies are essential and I am motivated to make a difference''

: How is that current political environment related to good public health policies ? Do not expect the reader to know everything. He doesn't.