GRE Writing--Issue/Argument Essays. Feedback??

[Kendrakacz]

So I did a practice session for my issue and argument essays. I would really appreciate any feedback you have/ how you think they would be scored. Thanks!

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.

"In our region of Trillura, the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend—the city-run public schools—comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools—even though both cities have about the same number of residents. Clearly, Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

 

Several cities tax their residents in order to fund their education systems. It has been found that often, a handful of cities within a particular region may be paying dramatically different amounts depending on their tax requirements. These amounts are dependent on a variety of factors taken into account by the cities when evaluating their education systems. Parson City residents tend to pay more money in taxes toward their education system, but this does not lead to the conclusion that cities such as Blue City, who pay significantly less, do not place a high value on their education systems.

            First, one must consider that no city is quite like any other. It was stated that both Parson City and Blue City had the same number of residents, but the author fails to consider the population of students who are residents within each city. It may be that Blue City has a significantly lower number of students attending school and that therefore they require less money to serve their education system. It may also be true that perhaps Blue City only has one or two public schools and the other schools within their city are private. The residents of this city may be paying large amounts of money to private schools but because they have very few public schools in which they are being taxed for, they are paying a relatively small amount in taxes to the education system.

            Second, it must be considered that while Parson City’s education system is highly dependent on the money they earn through taxes, other cities may be earning money for education through other means. Perhaps Blue City schools have competitive sports teams and they habitually earn a profit through hosting games for the public at their campuses. It may also be that these schools in other cities have more fundraising efforts to serve the schools. They may be putting on auctions, bake sales, and car washes in order to pay for some of the debts within the education system instead of pulling money through taxes.

            Third, although Blue City and other cities within the region do not tax at such a high rate as Parson City, it does not lead to the conclusion that their residents do not care about their education system. Perhaps Pearson City uses software and materials at their schools that require a higher budger towards education than in the other cities. Blue City may place more emphasis on technology-fee learning and old fashioned textbook lessons as opposed to expensive field trips and computers. Although they may not be spending as much money as other cities within the region, they may be deeply invested in the education of their children. Funding for education has not been correlated with the ability for an institution to teach students as long as basic fundamental materials such as textbooks, pencils, and paper are available.

            The author must consider the ways in which the cities in the region differ. Different dynamics of socioeconomic status combined with the amount of children in an area and public school to private school ratios can have a dramatic effect on the funding needed to support a successful school system. The author may also take in to account the average graduation rates and test scores of the schools within the region, as these factors show evidence of the success or lack of success of their educaton systems. Finally, the author may consider surveying families from all cities in the area in order to get their personal input about their concern for the education system in the area. Such a survey should ask residents how highly they might prioritize a successful education system against several other social factors.

            In conclusion, while Parson City may pay more in taxes toward their education system, it does not prove that residents of other neighboring cities are apathetic to the success of their education systems. One must take in to account a variety of factors including resident population dynamics, socioeconomic status, fundraising efforts, and other education opportunities such as private schools in order to make a sound judgement on the topic. 

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Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

  

Large corporations are commonly built in prosperous cities in order to increase monetary flow and offer a variety of products in one store. These corporations are contriversial in that while they offer some benefits to society, they are often negligent to consider the ill-effects that they may have on local neighborhoods and families. The main responsibility placed on large corporations is for them to make as much money as possible off of their products with little to no regard for the society or environment in which they are built.

            It is often true that the building of a large business or corporation within a society can cause detrimental effects. For example, in Tucson, AZ, a new outlet mall was recently built near the freeway. This outlet mall was built on sacred land to tribal native people who were forced to leave their homes. Even though these people had been living on the land for hundreds of years, the large wealthy corporation easily expelled them with little regard for their cultural tradition and the well being of their families. It is the wealth of these large corporations that gives them power over smaller groups within societies, allowing them the authority to make such harmful decisions. In addition, large corporations such as Walmart have been found to attract crime to areas in which they are erected. These areas have often previously been considered very safe neighborhoods until large corporations take ownership of nearby land. The reason that crime levels rise with large corporations has to do with the large, dark  parking lots, lack of security, and abundance of goods and products available. Because these corporations are often large buildings, criminals find it easier to steal and because several of them are open late into the night, or 24/7, the crime levels peak as surveillence and daylight decrease.

            Large businesses and corporations have also been guilty of offering controversial products and labor hours in order to obtain a higher revenue. Large, famous businesses such as PetsMart have been on trial for selling products which are detrimental to the health of society. In the example of PetsMart, the business has previously sold bones and rawhide treats for dogs that contain chemical ingredients that make dogs sick. These corporations may be aware that their products are harmful to animals, but continue to sell them because they are often bought and earn them a profit. However, it is negligent of the corporations to sell such products with the full knowledge of their harmful effects. Engaging in such activity illustrates the main goals of the companies- earning money is more important to them than the well-being of their clientele. These corporations also seem to care little for the satisfaction of their employees. Many large companies are famous for their holiday hours- specifically, black Friday. While the most benevolent companies allow their employees to enjoy these family events at home, large corporations are often the hosts of late-night sales. These sales force employees to surrender their time with their families in order to serve their companies because these holidays are often the most profitable days for them in a calendar year. The corporations choose to put profit-earning over employee satisfaction, and doing such, also encourage other families in society to leave their families in order to consume material goods. One must conclude that the corporations consider their own wealth to be more important than the well-being of their surrounding environment and society.

            Although these corporations may be detrimental to society, they do have some positive effects. First, they often offer products at a lower price than that of a private retailer, allowing shoppers to obtain the things they need for less money. In addition, they often offer a variety of products, allowing for a simple one-stop shopping endeavor as opposed to a person needing to go to various specialized stores for several different items. Finally, they do often contribute to monetary flow and can help to stimulate the economy in the areas that they are built.

            In conclusion, although large corporations may have some beneficial factors, they are often overwhelmingly negligent to consider their own effects on society. Corporations are often built on controverial land, and may offer products which are harmful to those who use them in order to earn as much money as possible to feed in to their own prosperity.  

Argument.docx

Issue.docx

Edited November 13, 2015 by Kendrakacz