GRE essay critique required

[anonymous1290]

Hi ,

Can someone help critic this essay for the GRE issue task part ? Thanks a lot !  

Topic : Technology, while apparently aimed to simplify our lives, only makes our lives more complicated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

The big question that arises in this era is does technology truly simplify our lives. Recent events being mentioned in the news seems to say otherwise. We value the benefits of modern technology so much that it has led to us becoming slaves to the technology. Rising technology provides more room for criminals to make the our lives more miserable. 

Technology has become part and parcel of our lives , so much that we have crossed the line and made ourselves obsequious to technology. There is app for almost everything in our lives. Technology has embedded in our routines starting from helping us to do our daily tasks all the way to building personal relationships. This has made us lazy in doing tasks we would have done if its was few generations back. If we want to travel between places of short distances , we uses cars instead of walking .

This has also lead to rising cut throat competiton between companies that produce cutting edge technology. Creating such a competitve world will make it difficult for recent graduates to find jobs as the skill requirements for would defiintely much more. So graduates or any normal person will have to sharpen their skill sets and keep upto date with the present technology. 

We use technology to correct loopholes in our security system or to help us to save important information in a secure location. Rising use of technology has lead to the creation of new set of criminals callled cyber criminals. The way technology is used to protect or help the public , the same way it can be used to do the opposite .This just makes all our lives more complicated. The FBI or any police enforcements has to create a new set of division to fight such crimes. 

Many argue that technology has helped in connecting people together by the creation of telephones or has helped in making our lives easier by creating ovens that cook food etc .While this assertion is true , it is correct only to some extent. We have become so caught up in the web of technology.That if one day all of these technologies were to be lost, then we have created a situation we will find hard to overcome ; since we have become so dependent on our technology.

[anonymous1290]

Hi ,

Can someone help critic this essay for the GRE argument task part ? Can also let me know suggestion on how i can improve Thanks a lot !  

Topic : SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's current headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted

 

The author places that argument that recent surge of homeowners in Corporateveille is attributed to the fact that Corporateveille is a cheap and not urban place. The argument at a first glance may seem to be logical , however the authors relies on assumptions with no clear evidence and uses terms that lack definition. 

Firstly,the author assumes that the rise in homemowners is due to the fact that Corporrateveille is less of an urban place. This authors bases this assumption on the results take by a survey filled by SuperCorp employees. The authors fails to say what percent do the employees form part of Corporateville 's homeowners.Suppose only 10 percent of the homeonwners are employees of the company, then this assumption no longer can be used as the correlation for the surge of homeowners. 
 
Additionally the author makes an assumption that lower taxes create safer places. This statement was not supported with any factual evidence. Lower taxes does not mean safer places. The understanding of the distribution of the crime rate needs to be done to support this statement. As in a case , where Corporateville crime rate is seen to be high in the categories of sex related crimes , lowering the tax will have a null effect on making it a safe place. Lowering taxes will definitely be beneficial if the people of CV are money deprived. 

The authors argument can be further strengthened with the aid of more supporting and factual evidence proving that surge in homeowners can be attributed to dislike of the employees towards urban area. This can be done by the inclusion of stastical segmentation of the population of Corporateville. 

In conclusion , the author was not completely wrong to assert that rise in homeowners fact. Afterall if the employees were the only residents in Coporateville , then author's justification for the present arugument is correct. But to support the conclusion of the arugment , the author must  understand the situation more and produce more cohesive evidence to substantiate the argument.