Please help me with my GRE essay

[sezcen]

I have just stared to practice my essay writing and I would love to get some feedback of what you think i might score with this essay. 

thank you in advance 

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

Here is my essay:

For decades the development of society has been driven by innovations created by individuals with a slightly different mindset of standing outside the norm. While having an national curriculum ought to be more cost efficient we will face generations of students more alike to robots than people.  The idea of having a national curriculum might have horrible effects on future development of our society, and should thus not be supported.  

Every student learn in their own way and by making the curriculum more uniform students will loose the option of having different educations. This might result in that fewer students make it to college and must spend their days outside the school. Kids who spend their days outside the school system have an increase risk of being dragged into criminal path. While this is the worst case scenario, lets consider a slightly less exterme alternative. In the highly competitive work society we live in today, education is key to a good career and a decent living. Even if the kids do not end up in the criminal world they will be lacking the this part of their CV and might never be able to a decent living.

The author of the statement might say that a decade ago only few people went to college and that it might be better to start working earlier. This will generate income for the individual and also to the state, which could help fund programs that will prevent kids from ending up in the criminal world. This claim has some merit – more income to the state would allow the government to provide more funding to these kinds of programs. However in my mind this is not beneficial in the long run, since these still will not have the same opportunities later in life as the kids who made it to college.

We must allow for different people to study in different ways and further we must allow kids to focus on their passion if we want to see a further development of our society.

 

[star-star]

No comment on scoring but there are several mechanical errors as well as lack of coherence. Sentence structures are simple, not academic and your choice of words is elementary. Good luck!