please evaluate my essay i am a poor student

[shubham1234]

Children should not be forced by law to take education either from public school or home school if there parents dont want them to do so 

From a research held in the education and different humanities department by phd student from different top leading institute of the world , they have came to a conclusion in an international conference that education is the key element to survive and to know what is going on in this world; the education is mandatory for children. Despite the assertion of many I believe that in this developing world with advancement in several technology mainly and several career opportunities a children should be enforced by law to be educated either by public schooling or home schooling because they will be more focused while living their own life with proper satisfaction and will be more intelligent in this world full of intelligent people or either may find the true independence given by the government.

Firstly the eduaction gives every ne an oppertunity to get a foreknowledge about how the world moves .For example a childeren learnig geography in school will be interested to learn different geographical events that is happening in this world and may end up his or her career with geography, same case will happen in anthropology, biology ,humanity, and different aspects of the world. But if in case the elementary knowledge is not given then he or she might be in trouble finding the subjects he might like. A children having no elementary knowledge will miss this oppertunity and as well as will be victim of several mental issue for example depression frustration anxiety if their predilection for any subject doesnot mathc with the profession on which he is dealingSecondly beside the fact that taking education from a public school not only help the student of that nation to get different knowldge but also gives him or her an intuitive intelligence about the oppertunities that a common people will not get even after readin newspaper; for example a student in a school taking education can gain several knowledge from his senior abouththe oppertunites given in that specific nation for example in Utah having different advantgae after making a course in computer and java programming in school then will have a great chance in working in an good it industry directly after school, saving a lot of amount of time of a student. This national help can be easily benefit many citizen Furthermore, some children even after getting several knowledge about arts theatre science technology didnt want to persue the same career but want to get a idea of what the carrier was for exam a student loving physics will be verymuch likely to join in a ece stream ehich opens door not only to the ece student but also to the student of computer science making the student more intelligent in their field.On the other hand if the students parent somehow block their fundamenta knowledge for example by giving the student a chance to work in his fathers hotel as a manager then after a certain year he or she may feel that is deprived from the natural human knowledge and oppertunity given by the government to a free citizen and may cause slow mental illness, trauma , abusing people randomly drug addicts theretofore to sum up it is very much important that a children must be enforced by the government to take proper public schooling enforced by law to avoid any abbe ration in the human independence.

[Dreams]

Always proofread your work before submitting it.  In addition to the many grammatical errors, your essay doesn't make much sense. What point are you trying to argue?  Can you break up the mega paragraph into two or three smaller ones?  What program is this for?  Give another stab at it and repost it by editing your original post.  

[shubham1234]

On 12/23/2015 at 4:29 AM, Dreams said:

Always proofread your work before submitting it.  In addition to the many grammatical errors, your essay doesn't make much sense. What point are you trying to argue?  Can you break up the mega paragraph into two or three smaller ones?  What program is this for?  Give another stab at it and repost it by editing your original post.  

there are grammer and spelling mistake all over

and the sentences are very long no doubt

tell me about the connection of idea