GRE Argument Essay Critique - Please Help!

[jujubee202]

Hi GradCafe,

I'm applying to PT school this year and will be taking the GRE for the first time in one month. I've just written my first practice GRE "Argument" essay and would really appreciate if you could help me critique it! I turned off spellcheck and wrote it in 30 minutes to simulate test day conditions. Thanks in advance! I'd appreciate any help you could offer me. 

Here's the prompt:

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

My essay:

            This argument relies on a number of stated and unstated assumptions, and would not be valid if the assumptions prove unwarranted. In this essay, I will go over each of the assumptions in turn and explain the effects these assumptions have on the passage.

            Firstly, the passage states that a study finds an association between the amount of sleep their advertising executives need and the success of their firms. An assumption made here is that the study was valid. Depending on the controls, variables, and testing procedures, the study may or may not have been valid. If the study were not valid, and did not show any correlation between the sleep of advertising executives and the success of their firms, this entire argument can be refuted.

It goes on further to say that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night. One assumption made here is that correlation equals causation. This argument assumes that the success of these business increase when the sleep of their advertising executives decrease. If the study were valid and there was an actual negative correlation between the success of these business and the sleep of their advertising executives, it does not mean that one causes the other. It could be that the more successful businesses cause advertising executives to have less sleep, or it could be that less sleeping of advertising executives causes businesses to be more successful. It could also be due to random chance – maybe those advertising executives that sleep less just happen to be in more successful businesses. Many factors go into whether or not a business is successful or not, and there are many other top employees at play – not just the advertising executive.

The first sentence also shows that the study assumes that the average hours of sleep the advertising executives get is equal to how much sleep they need. Just because an executive is only sleeping 6 hours a night does not mean that is all the sleep that they need to function at their prime. They could be needing much more sleep, but are not getting it. They may have gotten accustomed to sleeping less and are in a constant state of sleepiness, or they could be purposely cutting their sleep short for various reasons. Stating that a business should hire those that need less than 6 hours of sleep based on the above assumption shows faulty reasoning. 

Even if the study were valid and even if causation could be drawn from correlation (that successful businesses are caused by advertising executives that sleep less), this passage assumes that the success caused by sleeping less will apply to the rest of the population, beyond the 300 people in the study. It could be that sleeping less only causes success of businesses in the advertising executive position. It could be that sleeping less doesn’t cause more success in any of the rest of the population at all.

            If any of the above assumptions prove to be untrue, the statement that businesses should hire only people that need less than 6 hours of sleep a night if they want a successful business would be rendered invalid.

Scoring guide: https://www.ets.org/gre/revised_general/prepare/analytical_writing/argument/scoring_guide