Would appreciate someone to score my (first attempt) GRE essays!

[madison_7312]

Hi! I have written a sample GRE Issue (Essay #1) and Argument (Essay #2) essay, and would appreciate some feedback from someone who has scored essays before or has taken/ is familiar with the exam. Honesty appreciated! Thank you. 

 

Issue essay prompt:

In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Essay: 

Art and science have benefitted immensely from the influences and achievements of past greats. Yet, these fields continue to constantly move forward, calling their strict adherence to past influences into question. Renegade thinkers and dreamers have demonstrated that innovation emerges from thought that breaks from past work in any given field, opposing the notion that significant contributions are impossible without relying upon the influence of past achievements. Rather, historical achievements in the arts and sciences suggest that challenging accepted discourse encourages significant, novel achievement.

 

Challenging the influence of accepted norms and past achievements in a field often augments innovation and discovery. The Impressionists exemplify this assertion. In post-Revolutionary France, prior artistic norms were rebuffed in favor of soft, fluid painting styles depicting nature scenes and the fleeting nature of light and color. No precedent existed in French artistic history—nor in global artistic tradition—to suggest the rise of the Impressionist school. Rather, deviating from the influences of past schools of art allowed a new, lasting style to flourish. The same might be said of Copernicus or Galileo. Both of these significant scientific figures actively strayed from accepted scientific dogma, influenced by past achievements insofar as they ignored them. As a result of deviating from the norm and the influences of the past, both men made lasting contributions to the physical sciences that have become dogmatic in their own right.

 

Furthermore, important works may gain repute as a result of influences outside of their field, as well as within. Achievements in any field may thus become significant without narrowly relying on past accomplishments within their respective discipline. Modern architecture draws broadly from science, popular culture, social media, and various artistic traditions of the past to produce structures that both contribute significantly to the field of architecture, but do so by drawing on achievements in other fields. One salient example is the One World Trade Center in New York, which has incorporated architectural finesse and style with modern technology, interactive social media, and folklore through its inclusion of the nearby 9/11 museum. The amalgamation of influences from various fields has created a dynamic architectural feat uniquely significant within its burgeoning field.

However, certain disciplines to require the influence of past work by nature. Calculus would prove impossible without the Mayan contribution of the zero, which redefined mathematics and remains integral to applied mathematical theory. It may suffice to concede that technical fields like mathematics and electrical engineering would be lost without the influences of past work in their respective fields, and rely on past influences to foster future innovation by nature of their practice. Film also demonstrates this important quality, as modern films often include pastiche from past important works, and filmmakers frequently reference their idols and influencers in modern work. This dialogue is prevalent throughout “The Artist,” which gained accolades due to its resurgence of black and white, silent film and historical influence.

On the whole, while certain fields require a conversation with past works in order to make significant contributions, innovation emerges when works break from the mold of past influences and the restraints of their field.

 

 

 

Argument essay prompt: 

The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.

"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

 

Essay: 

Many questions emerge to challenge the idea that Monarch Books will attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books as a result of opening an in store café. Namely, Monarch Books should consider if loyal Monarch customers are interested in a café and how reducing the selection of children’s books might limit the “wide selection of books” that Monarch prides itself on. Additionally, Monarch Books might reconsider the extent to which the national projected demographic shift will influence their business, and reassess the claim that Regal Books has begun to thrive due to the presence of a café.

 

The first consideration that Monarch Books must evaluate concerns the demand amongst its customer base for a café. It may be that customers of this bookstore, which has been in the same location for 20 years, are not interested in making significant changes to a treasured community location, which has endured and demonstrated longevity in its current state. Opening a café within the bookstore may have the adverse effect of turning some longtime, loyal customers away from the store, as they may feel disconnected from its roots. A survey of frequent Monarch Books customers—who may potentially spread the news about Monarch Books by word of mouth, thus generating more business-- may provide valuable insight into the demand and desire for a café within the bookstore.

Secondly, the insistence that national demographic shifts preclude lesser demand for children’s books, and thus justifies the removal of the children’s section in order to add the café, is fallacious. The fact that children under 10 are decreasing in growth nationally may not translate to the town where Monarch Books is located. Perhaps Monarch Books operates in a suburban area, where families are common and children are on the rise? In this case, the store would be foolish to eliminate its children’s book section in favor of a café, which would not cater to this family demographic. Extrapolating national statistics—and unsure or untested ones, to boot—to the community that Monarch Books serves is shortsighted, and may result in reduced business. The store additionally prides itself on its wide selection of books, which includes children’s books. Reducing the selection and variety of books available would undermine the very reason that Monarch cites for its continued success. In order to ensure that it retains variety and selection, Monarch Books should maintain the children’s section, and petition the local government for recent census data indicating how many families with young children reside in the surrounding area.

Monarch Books should also reassess the success of its competitor, Regal Books’, café. Regal Books may thrive for any number of reasons. These may include receiving a first copy of a highly anticipated new novel, or introducing community performances of poetry and book readings. Regal Books may also be closer to where frequent readers reside, or have more competitive prices than Monarch Books. To attribute its competitor’s success to the inclusion of a café may neglect other important reasons, which Monarch may be able to adapt and utilize according to its community’s needs in order to gain profit without needing to overhaul the children’s book section to build a café.

 

Finally, Monarch Books must consider the implicit question of cost before deciding to build a café. If the cost of a new café exceeds the annual revenue garnered by the store’s business, it may be unwise to invest in a café. Monarch Books might hire a financial analyst to model the capital gains and returns from investment that a new café would guarantee, in order to assess if the cost of building the new store feature would exceed the benefits gained by having to build, staff, and operate an in-store café.

 

In order to compete with Regal Books, Monarch should engage in customer, financial, and demographic research before removing the children’s book section in order to build a café. It must assess questions pertaining to the logic of extrapolating national statistics to local demographics, the logic of building a café in its own neighborhood, and the added cost and competitiveness that will come with the addition of a café, in order to determine if building a new café is worth removing the children’s book section.