Seeking help in scoring my issue analysis essay

[hankal]

Hello,

Thanks for your great efforts is this forum.

This is my first written task.
The question was:
"The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones. discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. Describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how the examples shape your position"

and that was my essay:
Teaching is a noble job that gives a person the privilege to prepare the coming generations for the mission of building their countries and societies. Various theories and studies have been set to find out the best approaches to teaching. One claim states that the best teaching method involves complimenting good deeds and overseeing negative ones. In my opinion, an obsequious punishment free environment does not allow for real learning to take place. Praising good actions and forgiving mistakes is very important but it must be preceded by highlighting those mistakes and showing that they were wrong.

Rewarding learners for the good things they do and ignoring their bad deeds has so many consequences. Once students feel safe from penalty, they would find wrongdoing easy. In addition, they will not learn how to differentiate between approved and disapproved behaviors. Punishment is a great teaching method if utilized and used wisely. It allows learners to understand that bad things do not go easily and they have to be corrected. It lets them know that there are limits and ethics that should not be breached. If students are always shown approval and are always applauded for how great they are, belief that whatever they do is fine will be entrenched in their minds. The carrot and stick strategy would be very efficient in creating some sort of balance. Learners will learn that every action has its own implication; good things are praised and bad things are bad things are disapproved.

From my experience in working at schools and with students, I can tell that compliment solely never teaches. In fact, I had a student who was very smart and active in class; however, she used to laugh at her classmates who do not get right answers. At the beginning, I used to thank her for her great efforts I the class and try to turn a blind eye on her misbehavior. But the problem aggravated with time and her bad manners became so prominent. Later on, I started showing her disapproval and that being good in certain aspects does not mean that whatever she does is acceptable. She showed resistance at the beginning, but after a while, she became more modest in her behavior and she realized that insulting others is not an acceptable behavior.

To sum up, complimenting good actions is a substantial method to enhance learning; nonetheless, it must be balanced by rejecting bad actions. Praise alone could inhibit learning and make students arrogant and unable to assess their performance and behavior.


I would really appreciate any feedback about this essay.

Thank you!

[PassEdge]

It looks like your writing style is overall good, but I would try to limit semicolon use. Some of the sentences are a bit contrived. Word choice can also be improved. For example, your use of "so many consequences" is a bit informal. I would structure your paragraphs to have a clear intro and thesis, as well as a full conclusion paragraph instead of one sentence.

[hankal]

Thanks a lot!

your comments are valuable for me and I will consider improving the things you pointed out..

Further feedback from members will be appreciated