Staying with grad student

[PizzaCat93]

This kind of question has been asked before, but I have a slightly different angle on it, I think. My field usually does not do interview visits; however, one school I've applied to just started doing them last year, what they call an "open house", but what is really an extended interview sort of thing (no one has been accepted yet). Anyway, I am having to stay with a grad student, per department policy. I'm very introverted, don't like talking much, socially awkward, like being alone, etc. I'm very concerned about having to be "on" all the time and having to think of conversation topics constantly and such. I'll be staying there two nights and spending time with them the afternoon/evening that I arrive but not much the second day because I'll be at the department for a significant chunk of it. I am fairly nervous about this trip, and it's more so because of the accommodations than the interviews themselves, although I have little reason to be concerned, as I've already corresponded via email with the grad student, and they seem to be very friendly and all. I guess I'm just asking, does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement to make this a less painful situation?

Edited February 6, 2016 by PizzaCat93

[Nolagirl]

From others I know who have been in similar situations, they said it was helpful to catch up on current events so that you can always have something to pull from when the conversation well runs dry. This is fairly obvious, but I would stay away from any controversial topics. In my Master's program, we had to co-facilitate interview day for the first year students. We know how nervous the interviewees are. We understand you may not always be able to be "on," but just a little effort goes a long way. Don't be too hard on yourself! It's harder having to stay overnight, though. I'm glad I'm local and won't have to do that.

Best of luck!!

[TakeruK]

I am similar to you and I had a lot of reservations about one visit that was with a grad student host. But, it turned out to work out fine in the end, I think. The evening stuff was very relaxing---one night we watched Toy Story and the other night we played a board game. It was in a very low cost of living area so many grad students had homes---this one had a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom place so I had my own room and my own bathroom. The hosts were experienced and were very good at making sure I was able to have my own space and gave me lots of chances to decompress in my room if I wanted etc. I didn't end up going to that school but I stayed friends with my host!

At another school, my spouse was visiting with me, and we did not want to stay with the graduate student host (for many reasons I won't get into here). It was close enough that I could drive there instead of fly (it was a 4-5 hour drive though) so I asked to use the money that they would normally use to fly me out towards a hotel instead. They agreed--they told me how much they would normally budget for a student visit and said it's okay as long as I stayed under that amount. So if you are really uncomfortable, it's okay to ask for something different, in my opinion. However, in both of these cases, I was already accepted, so I'd understand that you would be hesitant to ask for something prior to getting an acceptance.

[PizzaCat93]

Thanks for the replies! I just got back today, and the trip went really well; much less stressful than I'd expected. Dare I say I even enjoyed it.