Should I tell a school I've been wait listed somewhere else?

[ashes_are_burning]

I was accepted by School A, with full finding, at the beginning of February.  School B is large and public, and their English department has a strong reputation in the concentration I plan to pursue.  I have received a couple emails from members of the department encouraging me to accept their offer, as they feel I am a strong candidate.

This week, I was wait listed at School B.  School B is private, guarantees funding, and has a better reputation than School A.  In the email, they said I was "high on the wait list" and invited me to their accepted student open house (funded) later this month.  I could receive an acceptance from this school up to April 15. 

Should I be honest with School A and tell them I am visiting School B, although I am wait listed?  (I have met with a prof from School A and so I have a personal contact there.)  Is that bad form?  What is the etiquette surrounding this?  I also don't want to burn bridges with people in my field. 

 

[johnnycomelately]

What would be the reason for telling them?

As you currently do not have a competing offer, there seems little reason to do so, imo. 

[fuzzylogician]

It's not bad form to go, and it wouldn't be bad if school A learned that you visited school B or even entertained an offer from them. Schools fully expect that their top candidates will have multiple offers and that some of them will accept some of those other offers. This is not something that they will be offended by, and if you end up deciding to accept another offer, as long as you are professional in your email informing them of your decision, there is no reason why it should burn a bridge or cause any trouble, really. However, I am not sure what good it would do to tell them about your waitlist from school B right now. You don't have an offer, so it's not like you can negotiate. I am not sure you could do that either way, but clearly not without an offer. There doesn't seem to be any other reason why this is relevant to school A at this point.  

[mt32]

I guess you feel a bit obliged to tell them something when they contact you and encourage you to accept their offer. 

Telling them that you are waiting for another specific school is not what I would do.  Rather, I would just tell them how grateful I have been to receive their offer but I'd like to wait and think for some time since it is a very important decision. Or something like that.

Telling them such details might be just too much. I don't think it would be burning bridges or anything but it might better not to tell them the exact reason why you aren't responding to the offer now.

[fuzzylogician]

1 hour ago, mt32 said:

I guess you feel a bit obliged to tell them something when they contact you and encourage you to accept their offer. 

Telling them that you are waiting for another specific school is not what I would do.  Rather, I would just tell them how grateful I have been to receive their offer but I'd like to wait and think for some time since it is a very important decision. Or something like that.

Telling them such details might be just too much. I don't think it would be burning bridges or anything but it might better not to tell them the exact reason why you aren't responding to the offer now.

If that is what this is about then I agree, you don't need to give them too many details. It is entirely reasonable to say that you are very excited about this offer, but you want to have all the relevant information before making this important decision. You are still waiting to hear from a couple(?) of the schools you have applied for, and that is delaying your decision. As soon as you are able to, you will let them know what you have decided, and of course you will contact them again if you have any questions. 

[bandinterwebs]

I would say it depends on the environment of the school. I went to a very friendly school that I am strongly considering, and they made a very hard sell. They are offering me a fellowship and put a lot of time and effort into my recruiting. I was asked by multiple faculty and the Department Chair, "Who are we competing with?". I answered honestly that I have been waitlisted at my top school and there is one other acceptance I am considering. They were actually very supportive and said that if I got into the waitlisted program, I should go.

However, they asked, and I felt I should be transparent based on my interactions throughout the day. I would not have volunteered this information just to volunteer it. I think it is fair to say something like, "At this point I am still weighing my options, and [School A] is, at this point, one of my top options."

[fuzzylogician]

21 minutes ago, bandinterwebs said:

They were actually very supportive and said that if I got into the waitlisted program, I should go.

That right there is a great sign for a healthy and supportive program. That, to me, ended up being a deciding factor for grad school choices. I visited one school that I was seriously considering but instead of telling me all the ways that they are great, they spent their time explaining why their competition sucks. Major turn off. At the school I ended up attending (and a few others, to be fair, I think that was the case at most places I visited, and why those other ones stood out so much), faculty had only nice things to say about the alternatives I was considering. What a difference that attitude makes.