Prepare your compass and knife: Anthropology PhD Statement -- Help with new direction and cutting it down!

[alchemical]

Hey All,

I've been a lurker here for a bit and was intending to post an "Assess my application profile" post first, but I'm in the midst of expanding my statement and am having some trouble. I'm applying to a lot of top anthropology Ph.D. programs, one of them being Duke. I noticed on the example statements they posted on their website (here) the applicants went into more depth on their experiences than I had thus far, so I'm trying to do the same with my own statement.

As is my perennial problem, I'm running out of space. First I'd like to know if the change I'm making is in the right direction -- I'll post my latest version before the edit (v4) and then the current one with the edits (v5). V5 has around ~1150 words and I know that's too long, so if anyone sees that this is a good direction for me, I'd appreciate some help with cutting down unnecessary parts to make more room. I know some parts are repetitious with the new edits, but it's a rough version right now.

Also, I've been reading the ~800 words is the sweet spot -- would it be feasible for mine to be longer given all I have to say about my experience and proposal, or is it always shorter = better?

Thanks for anyone's and everyone's input....I'll probably post another thread about my profile later and would appreciate thoughts there as well

Pre-edit statement (v4): http://docs.google.c...1tcHE2ZG4&hl=en

Current statement (v5): http://docs.google.c...hndjdkZjY&hl=en - this also has my proposed "school-specific" paragraph for Duke -- any thoughts?

[alchemical]

Ok, so I've done a lot more work on this new version -- here is the next one.

v6: http://docs.google.c...B0bTJ2ZHQ&hl=en

It's at 1100 words - again, what do people think about this length for an anthro statement?

I see that there have been a healthy number of view here -- will anyone be so kind as to post some thoughts? I would greatly appreciate it!

[coyabean]

Ok, so I've done a lot more work on this new version -- here is the next one.

v6: http://docs.google.c...B0bTJ2ZHQ&hl=en

It's at 1100 words - again, what do people think about this length for an anthro statement?

I see that there have been a healthy number of view here -- will anyone be so kind as to post some thoughts? I would greatly appreciate it!

Duke's also on my list! Kudos on the changes to the SOP. I think you hit the right tone. I found the sample SOPs to be more detailed and scholarly than most others. I think you managed to mirror that.

A few minor things:

-- I felt like you may have buried your proposed research plans deep in the statement. I think i had to go half-way through to get to it.

-- I took the instruction to list your three interests at the beginning as a clue that the committee prefers your SOP to be front-loaded with your proposed area of research

-- With your impressive language skills, travel experiences, etc. I don't know if you need to devote so much space to the political canvassing; it's an area to eye for cuts

Just my opinion. Good luck!

[alchemical]

Duke's also on my list! Kudos on the changes to the SOP. I think you hit the right tone. I found the sample SOPs to be more detailed and scholarly than most others. I think you managed to mirror that.

A few minor things:

-- I felt like you may have buried your proposed research plans deep in the statement. I think i had to go half-way through to get to it.

-- I took the instruction to list your three interests at the beginning as a clue that the committee prefers your SOP to be front-loaded with your proposed area of research

-- With your impressive language skills, travel experiences, etc. I don't know if you need to devote so much space to the political canvassing; it's an area to eye for cuts

Just my opinion. Good luck!

Great input, coyabean -- thanks so much.

Yeah, I've been trying to balance giving a concise background as to the "why" of studying what I want to study and introducing the core of my topic quickly enough. I'll work on it some more -- maybe I should also cut out more in the beginning (I'm thinking specifically para. 2 with the background on reading and confusion in undergraduate anthro)?

Great insight on the front-loading of research aspect!

Cheers,

Chris

[alchemical]

Alright, I've incorporated the great recommendations here for another revision:

v7: http://docs.google.c...Z6c2RnaGg&hl=en

peanuttheanthro made a good suggestion in my on my academic profile that I'm grappling with now...

Your reply me reminds me of a question I had after reading your SOP. When you said "I now wish to examine not only the modern institutions and conditions that have produced the extreme disparities in wealth, resources, and well-being endemic to modernity", I feel that you need to be more specfic about what "modernity" means in the context of your research project because the way it is presented here seems a bit tokenistic. Same with "modern institutions and conditions" in paragraph 3, what are they exactly? I understand that you may not want to launch a theoretical discussion on the concept of "modernity" but I think a short sentence or two would show that you're aware of the complexity.

Other than that your statement of purpose is very good. I also really like the paragraph on David Graeber.

P.S. Consider Boston U and Case Western.

There were a host of thinkers I wrestled with in undergrad on modernity...it's a hard thing to sum up in a few sentences, but I think maybe cutting out a few sentences on my professional experience, as coyabean suggested, and expanding on the theoretical phantasmagoria of modernity might indeed be a good idea. I'm not sure if I should mention those thinkers or just outline how conceptions of modernity are, well, pretty complex at this point.

Any thoughts on that and this new revision?

Edited November 30, 2009 by alchemical

[a fragrant plant]

A couple things about v7:

- I like your new paragraph ("Given my focus in East Asia"). It makes your research proposal much more focused.

- The 7th paragraph: it's really good. It signifies the theoretical signifiance of such movements. (It also reminds me of my own research in ethical consumption). Just a sidenote: the concept of authenticity may also be helpful when examining the cross-cultural differences in Buddhism movement.

- I think you need to work on the "fit" paragraph. You said "there are a number of faculty who work with either my region of interest, social movements and activism, or both." I think you can talk a little bit about how your theoretical orientation allegn with the faculty members at Duke as well.

- superb body of scholarship ---> maybe change it to excellent scholarship?

Edited December 1, 2009 by peanuttheanthro