Un-ask?

[repatriate]

I got everything set up with my three letter writers, sent packets to them, sent reminders, and now the deadlines are approaching. But I got an offer that is really hard to refuse: A professor at my current program graduated from my top choice school and has a good relationship with my faculty of interest at the program I am applying to, and he has offered to send a letter on my behalf to this program. Such a letter would be a boost to my application, but I cannot add an additional recommender to the application. I have already entered everyone else into the online form and they have gotten request emails. The department says that letters must be sent online.

Can I ask one of my other writers to forgo sending a letter to this particular program so that I can use the alumnus's letter, or is it simply too rude ever to un-ask such a favor?

Edited November 29, 2009 by repatriate

[glasses]

I got everything set up with my three letter writers, sent packets to them, sent reminders, and now the deadlines are approaching. But I got an offer that is really hard to refuse: A professor at my current program graduated from my top choice school and has a good relationship with my faculty of interest at the program I am applying to, and he has offered to send a letter on my behalf to this program. Such a letter would be a boost to my application, but I cannot add an additional recommender to the application. I have already entered everyone else into the online form and they have gotten request emails. The department says that letters must be sent online.

Can I ask one of my other writers to forgo sending a letter to this particular program so that I can use the alumnus's letter, or is it simply too rude ever to un-ask such a favor?

Yes, I think it'd be way too rude to un-ask. But would it be possible for you to add a fourth letter? I know that all the places I'm applying to are OK with 4 letters.

[repatriate]

Yes, I think it'd be way too rude to un-ask. But would it be possible for you to add a fourth letter? I know that all the places I'm applying to are OK with 4 letters.

Thanks. Unfortunately, I cannot add an additional recommender to the application.

[fuzzylogician]

Thanks. Unfortunately, I cannot add an additional recommender to the application.

I added an additional fourth letter. Most of my schools had online letter submission systems and only allowed me to register three recommenders. I sent the fourth via post. Maybe that's possible in your case as well? It's not easy to find this information but some schools have it in an obscure place on their website and for others you simply have to contact the grad school and ask.

Edited November 29, 2009 by fuzzylogician

[repatriate]

I added an additional fourth letter. Most of my schools had online letter submission systems and only allowed me to register three recommenders. I sent the fourth via post. Maybe that's possible in your case as well? It's not easy to find this information but some schools have it in an obscure place on their website and for others you simply have to contact the grad school and ask.

Thanks. I'll call the department tomorrow to ask about where I would send an additional letter, but I am not hopeful, since the department's website says that letters must be sent online and the application instructions state that any hard copy letters should be posted directly to the department. I hope that they're more flexible than their website suggests.

An alternative I just thought of is to ask the 4th recommender to send the letter to someone in the department via email, but I do not like the idea of asking more of someone who has offered me a kindness.

[kahlan_amnell]

Thanks. I'll call the department tomorrow to ask about where I would send an additional letter, but I am not hopeful, since the department's website says that letters must be sent online and the application instructions state that any hard copy letters should be posted directly to the department. I hope that they're more flexible than their website suggests.

An alternative I just thought of is to ask the 4th recommender to send the letter to someone in the department via email, but I do not like the idea of asking more of someone who has offered me a kindness.

What is the problem with sending hard copy letters directly to the department? That is fairly standard in graduate applications. It sounds like they are contradicting themselves though if you described it accurately, "all recommendations must be online" then "here is how to send a recommendation in hard copy".

Anyway, it can't hurt to ask if you can include another LOR. If they say no, then politely explain the situation to one of your other LOR writers. They should understand that in graduate applications, students really should use connections when they can. That said, don't overestimate what a letter from someone with connections can do. If you already have strong LORs, the connection will only probably help a little.

[repatriate]

What is the problem with sending hard copy letters directly to the department? That is fairly standard in graduate applications. It sounds like they are contradicting themselves though if you described it accurately, "all recommendations must be online" then "here is how to send a recommendation in hard copy".

Anyway, it can't hurt to ask if you can include another LOR. If they say no, then politely explain the situation to one of your other LOR writers. They should understand that in graduate applications, students really should use connections when they can. That said, don't overestimate what a letter from someone with connections can do. If you already have strong LORs, the connection will only probably help a little.

Thanks. There is a lot of good advice on this forum.

Sorry, I don't think I wrote that clearly. The graduate school says to send any hard copy letters to the appropriate department, but the department to which I am applying says they must be submitted online. So basically, the department rules on this one, and their policy is online only. But in poking around some more, I saw directions for mailing an SOP if the upload fails, so maybe there is some hope. Either way, I will call tomorrow.

I realize that in the best world, we shouldn't take things personally and be understanding, but I don't want my letter writer, whom I respect and who has done a lot for me, to see the un-ask as basically saying, "Thanks for agreeing to do that favor for me but I got an even better offer so you're no longer needed." Of course, that's not what I'd say, but it's one possible interpretation of the situation

The writers are:

1. A respected researcher in the discipline but a different sub-discipline with whom I had a great RA experience
   
2. A famous big-name in the sub-discipline at my current grad program who is excited about my proposed research topic and knows several of the faculty somewhat well
   
3. A respected researcher in the same field but different discipline (i.e., would fall under a different program in a the same department were 3 at my target school) and a collaborator of 1 whom I've TAed and RAed for
   
4. A respected researcher in the sub-discipline at my current institution who knows well all of the faculty of the program and earned his PhD from a connected program at the same school
   

1, 2, and 3 are currently listed. The letter from 3 is probably weakest is terms of clout, probably strong in content, and perhaps weak in style. The letter from 4 is best in terms of clout, but perhaps not as strong in content since 4 doesn't know me as well as the other writers.

Edited November 29, 2009 by repatriate

[socialpsych]

I have heard of cases where a student wants to work with Prof X, and Prof Y knows Prof X and the student but for some reason isn't writing a letter for the student otherwise -- and Prof Y has sent a brief email to Prof X about the student. Not a full letter, just a few expressive lines.

You could try explaining the situation to prof #4 and seeing what that person would be comfortable doing. Maybe prof #4 has his/her own ideas.

[repatriate]

I have heard of cases where a student wants to work with Prof X, and Prof Y knows Prof X and the student but for some reason isn't writing a letter for the student otherwise -- and Prof Y has sent a brief email to Prof X about the student. Not a full letter, just a few expressive lines.

You could try explaining the situation to prof #4 and seeing what that person would be comfortable doing. Maybe prof #4 has his/her own ideas.

Funny you should mention that. 2 volunteered to write such a personal note to a few of the faculty at this school when he saw my list, but he is also writing a formal letter and has said that a an endorsement from 4 would be even better because of 4's tighter connections.

Honestly, I realize I am worried about an over abundance of blessings. I just want to choose the course that will cause the least offense to those who have been kind enough to offer their support, encouragement, and time to help me. I think discussing the situation with the department and with 4 will be best. Thanks for all of the advice!!

[fuzzylogician]

I have heard of cases where a student wants to work with Prof X, and Prof Y knows Prof X and the student but for some reason isn't writing a letter for the student otherwise -- and Prof Y has sent a brief email to Prof X about the student. Not a full letter, just a few expressive lines.

You could try explaining the situation to prof #4 and seeing what that person would be comfortable doing. Maybe prof #4 has his/her own ideas.

Also a good option. An informal email or a telephone call on your behalf can be much more effective than a letter. I am sure your professor is writing letters for many students this fall, but he probably won't call friends at every department on behalf of all those students. It's another way to stand apart from the crowd. Caveat: this will have a much better effect if this friend is on the adcom, or can influence decisions without being on it. Otherwise the adcom might never know of this endorsement.

[hinesaj]

I don't know if this will help, but I'll pass it along anyway.

A close friend of mine from undergrad was applying to several PhD programs. He had set up his 3 recommenders and they all had successfully turned in their letters. A faculty member in the department got wind that he was applying, and decided to send an unsolicited letter to several of the schools where he was applying--this faculty member had previous affiliations with those programs, both as grad student and faculty.

As far as I know, this was not a problem, and I'm sure helped him. I would tell your professor that you've already set up with other faculty your recommendation situation and wouldn't want to offend anyone by telling them to rescind or not submit their letter, which they've already spent time on, to this particular program. You can tell the professor that you're okay with him/her sending the letter, but making him aware that the letter may or may not be accepted. I'm sure the professor will understand this, and, from what you have told us, will probably still write the letter. I don't know how the Admissions Committee will treat the letter--to ignore it, or to acknowledge it--but, I don't think that it will hurt you in anyway.