Excited about my GRE essays

[ihavequestions]

I had been avoiding studying for the essay portions because it seemed like it would be difficult for me. But today I sat down with the Princeton Review and wrote an essay from one of their prompts and am pleased with how it turned out. I'd appreciate it if someone could critique it for me. There are a few places where the verb tenses are messed up because I didn't have time to edit it. It was much less stressful than the ACT though

Prompt: Due to high unemployment and consumer fear, the luxury goods market has declined. Since luxuries are nonessential items they are the first market to decline in an economic downturn. Therefore luxury retailers should focus on lower priced markets.

Essay:

The argument presented makes a claim regarding the causal link between the economy and the market for luxury goods. It claims the luxury good market will be the first to decline due to high unemployment and consumer fear; therefore, luxury goods retailers should focus their efforts elsewhere.

            This argument fails to distinguish clearly between luxuries and non-luxuries. It defines luxuries as nonessential, but this means different things to different people. Due to suburban sprawl, many American families consider cars to be essential items. Is a Ford F-350 a necessity when a Ford Fiesta will still get a person to work reliably? Is air-conditioning necessary when people have survived for years without it? Before claiming that luxury retailers should refocus on lower priced markets, the argument in question needs to more clearly demarcate luxuries from non-luxuries.

Additionally, luxury markets may not be the first decline in an economic downturn, render the argument invalid. If one considers what may be called “ultra luxury” markets, such as Hermes handbags, Lamborghinis, and Coco Chanel perfume, these markets may not decline in a poor economy. Generally, these markets serve the top 1% of Americans who are unlikely to be unemployed. Inherited wealth and investments mean that some consumers have more than enough money to weather an economic downturn. Retailers like Hermes are unlikely to focus on lower markets anyways, as part of the strategy is the exclusivity of their products.

Another one of the assumptions made is that unemployment and consumer fear are the only causes of the luxury market decline. However, there could be other reasons. Several luxury industries, such as the diamond industry, have come under fire in recent years for the alleged use of child labor, slave labor, and unsafe working conditions in third world countries. Many consumers were outraged at these allegations and have boycotted products from these industries. Even if these companies focused on lower priced markets, many people might still refuse to buy their products. Unemployment and consumer fears are irrelevant in this example as to why the sales of some luxury products are in decline.

            In a similar vein, the Green Movement has made many people acutely aware of the environmental damaged caused by the production of goods. Many luxury goods are either labor intensive or require exotic materials, such as metals mined from the earth, which can cause irreparable harm to the environment. Some consumers may focus on local industries or home made products to reduce their environmental impact, which is again irrespective of unemployment.

As it stands now the argument clearly has several flaws. The present argument could be strengthened by more clearly defining what a luxury item is and by consider other causes for their markets decline.

[Aniket Pujara]

I think it is a well written essay. The only question I have is whether you had sufficient time to finish your essay or not.

Also for someone who's following this thread, you may want to know more about alternatives to the already cogent arguments presented above.

Those could be:

1) The author assumes that unemployment and consumer fears, and purchase of luxury items happen in the same social strata. There isn't enough market data to establish this causal relationship.

2) The author assumes that luxury goods are nonessential goods. In professions such as competitive gaming, possession of a gaming computer that is inordinately expensive and powered by the best available hardware on the market is a must to even survive the competition. Hence it is not possible to define what is essential and what is not by providing a simple definition.