Please grade my Essay on Issue topic for GRE.

[Wikash]

­­

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.

Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

It is said that Culture is sum of values , traditions and styles followed throughout the century in that particular country or city that becomes manifesto for its representation and survival in various arenas. This statements impulses my thought on role of government in preserving and promoting the traditions shared by people residing in the country. Since government is statuary body to promote tourism via its sub departments , my opinion with regards to it does imply a carryout of various initiatives to make it grow for long term.

Government’s annual budget designates various revenues and expenditure accounts that are to be carried out for next fiscal year.  Aside from  distribution of resources to the significant bodies  and cities , state in order to revive its culture and tourism simultaneously must provide financial support. For this purpose , a comprehensive analysis of various cities indicating that specific city or country’s tradition and core values needs to be conducted  either annually or semi-annually via efficacious analysts. This will eventually count for inflows in terms of tourists and foreigners visiting the nation resultant to enhanced foreign reserves , foreign direct investment and higher GDP and growth. Financial contribution by government in collaboration with various other corporate bodies and non for profit organizations will generate income to be invested in return Nevertheless , it will comply for devotion , transparency and accurate allocation of resources for its adequate enrichment and prospect.

There are various aspects that would need attention likewise. Provided that government allocates its budget efficiently , it first needs to look upon its inflationary pressures , budget deficit and regulatory compliances. These sort of variations might lead to irregular and unpredictable doldrums. To cope with these issues , Government would need to create an independent body and its regulatory authority independent of governmental influences on major blocks.

 

Edited August 6, 2016 by Wikash

[MrsGrad]

See if this helps:

1. On a piece of paper, make two columns: pros and cons. On the pros side write down all of the reasons one might agree with the position taken. On the cons side write why someone might disagree with the position. Pay special attention to the rational that is given for the position. Pick the side that you think you can best argue - this is a super important point - you don't have to agree with what you write on a personal level, pick the side that you can write about, not what you believe to be "right". 

2. Order the items on your list (pros or cons your choice) in order of best argument to worst. Pick the top three (or two, but no fewer than two and no more than three). 

3. Order the items on the remaining side (the one you didn't pick) and select the very best one on the list. This will be your concession toward the end of your essay. 

4. Write your essay:

The opening paragraph very, very briefly restates the position (without using the position statement verbatim and hopefully in an interesting way). You will then state your position. 

The second, third and fourth paragraphs discuss your arguments to strengthen your point (the items on your chosen list). 

The fifth paragraph gives that one good concession point, which hopefully ends with a reason why you can either dismiss or mitigate the concession. 

The final paragraph summarizes what you've said and offers a clear ending to the essay so that it doesn't feel like you just ran out of time and stopped typing. 

Also, only use a GRE word if you're sure you know the meaning and how it will be applied in the context of your essay by the reader - example:doldrums. Yes, technically the definition matches what you were trying to say, but most people use the term to mean a lack of energy like "the doldrums of winter". You're not necessarily wrong, but you kind of are wrong if that makes any sense. 

If you want to try this one again, post it here and we'll see if the steps above help make your essay more clear. 

Edited August 9, 2016 by MrsGrad