Interesting opportunity (but also potentially a disaster)

[Anonta]

Hi everyone.

 

I am facing a really tough decision and would like someone’s input. I currently do research in environmental science. I am in a master’s program and should finish in May. After I finish, I plan on doing my PhD somewhere else in a slightly different (but still related) field. Over the summer I worked in another lab that does similar things that we do in our lab and I was amazed at the contrast. I won’t go into details, but their methods were a lot more sound, they were more thorough, and they generated more robust data. Now that I am back to my program, I can’t seem to focus at all on my project- it seems meaningless now. The dataset is weak and incomplete and I doubt it is publishable (except in perhaps a super low impact journal- I already have a few publications).

 

My question is: should I leave my current program? The option is for me to move to another state (more than happy to do it) and work temporarily with a PI that I know. I would continue to apply to PhD programs for next fall. 

 

Pros: I would get to do meaningful research and work towards a robust publication. I would get to move out of the state I am currently living in (not loving it here). I get a clean start. I get to work with PIs that I really admire and hope to emulate- also are big names and influential in the field. I can work up my current dataset and continue to work data from my current lab remotely (no more bench work needed).

 

Cons: I might burn the bridge with my current PI- who I have a great relationship with and is a fairly big name; I would screw the lab over on a few things. I would lose the respect of professors in my current department. I could potentially regret this decision. 

 

Does anyone have any input? 

 

Other potentially relevant information: 

I am also going through a breakup; I’ve done my undergrad and grad work at the same university; I struggle with my mental health and have for years and years. 

 

If I've left out any useful information, please let me know. 

[fuzzylogician]

Unless you are in a very large field and don't expect to see your advisors again, I would advise against burning bridges. You didn't say if this new opportunity is a full-time paying job, an opportunity to finish your MA somewhere else, or something more of an internship or part-time/unpaid position. If it's the latter, it's a bit more difficult to see how it's a good idea for professional reasons, though I understand that it may still be what you want for personal reasons. You also didn't say if you have just one year left or two, and that too is an important factor here.

Since you say that you can do your work on your current dataset from afar, is there a way to move to the new lab location but finish the degree remotely? Or at least commit to doing whatever the lab needs to get publications out and/or train someone new to take over your responsibilities before you leave? Maybe there is a way to finish everything you need to do on-site in a few months and move for the next semester. I get the sense from your post that you really want to move, and I understand that sentiment. I would see if there is a way of doing that in a responsible way that your current advisor will appreciate. If you trust him/her, you might share some version of the personal side of the story to explain why it's important for you to get away from your current location (you don't need to give too many details). Even if not, don't just spring the decision on him/her -- give him/her time to plan and if necessary, find your replacement before you leave.

[namarie]

Anonta,

I don't know about your field or the research you are doing, so I can't speak to that. But I can speak to the other part of your post: I went through a break up earlier this year. We had been together for 3 years, but I realized that I didn't want to be with that person anymore. I had graduated from undergrad in December, and had decided to go back to my alma mater for grad school. I was so upset when I found out my ex was going to grad school at the same school. I hate the man and never want to see him again, so the idea of running into him on campus was revolting. 

I struggle with mental illness, and over the summer I experienced an alarming amount of symptoms that I ignored. I didn't want to seem weak or disappoint my professors. So I went back to school. But I never made it to the first day of class. I attended orientation and fell apart in my room. I was suicidal, horribly depressed, lost, and overwhelmed. Thankfully, I had friends there with me who didn't leave until a family member came to see that I got home safely. I called my professor the next day to tell him that I was leaving, and he supported me completely (we are still great friends). I withdrew from the university the day classes started and haven't looked back. I'm taking time for me, getting better, and looking into programs that actually excite me. 

What I am trying to say is this: if there is even the slightest chance that changing something in your environment will make you happy, do it. I knew I wouldn't be happy at my old university, even with my friends and professors, because it wasn't what I wanted. If moving to a new place and working with someone else is best for you, then do it. Definitely talk it out with your current PI, and put some thought into it. But do what is best for you and your mental health. Your mind is a precious thing, don't lose it! I almost did when I went back to school (no exaggeration). 

Please keep us posted! <3  

[JustHopefulMe]

Hi Anonta!

I just wanted to say I'm rooting for you. I'm going through rough times as well and trying to make the tough decision of whether to move or not (I'm not in a lab yet, however). I've been struggling with mental health issues for years (and am going through a breakup after 5 years), and joining this PhD program only made things worse. I, too, ignored the worsening of my symptoms, and called them off as normal homesickness and the stress of moving and loneliness etc.

The program I joined turned out to be very disappointing. It is supposed to be kind of like an "umbrella" or integrated program that combines many disciplines, one of which is my area of interest. However, I feel the main focus here seems to be towards certain areas and not others, both in teaching and research. Very few labs are doing research that truly excites me, and I don't know whether the difficulty I'm facing in finding something that grabs my interest is just a symptom of depression. The lab I was considering to join turned out to be not so great either. In theory, their research topic is good and their techniques are state-of-the-art, but it is a horribly disorganized lab with very few members (exactly 2, and one is leaving soon). A lot of money is being wasted just because bad planning of the experiments and/or carelessness of people.

Predictably, my mental health only got worse with time, and that also affected my academic performance (in classes), so badly that the program director suggested I take a medical leave. I am much better now, but I am considering leaving the institution and looking for another place.

I don't know whether the move will be worth it. If I move, I am risking starting all over again in a new place. I may also end up not liking any of the labs (and here I am not just talking about the topic, which I can easily look-up online, but also the general environment of the lab and how well I get along with the PI, which are very important factors to me). I'm afraid all this may have a bad impact on my mental well-being and throw me back to square one.

Also, applying to new institutions is going to cost a lot of money, let aside the cost of moving if I do get accepted. I also need to retake my GREs to apply because my scores have just expired.

Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to say that I do understand what you're going through, and that I wish you all the best whatever your decision may be. At the end, health (both physical and mental) is very precious. We do need to take care of it because if it's compromised, it will be very hard for us to function no matter where we are located.

Good luck!