Please could anyone review my SOP? It is for the MSIS course offered at Kelley Business School

[Ashah9]

Through the course of my undergraduate studies in Computer Science at the National Institute of Technology, Karnataka (NITK) and industrial experience as a software developer with Intuit Inc., I have been convinced time and again that today’s is a highly data driven world. Information has become a very powerful resource, and what’s more important is how efficiently it can be stored, analyzed and used to benefit businesses and their customers. Although my education and professional career have helped me build a strong technical foundation, my goal of becoming an Information Technology leader with the right business acumen and managerial drive would definitely be unachievable without pursuing my masters in Information Systems. Such an experience would not only enhance my knowledge regarding this sought after technology but also assist me in tackling its business problems more efficiently.

 

Having studied from one of India’s top technical institutes, I was blessed to learn from some of the country’s most renowned professors in a class full of talented individuals. I was exposed to subjects such as Data Mining, Database Management, Computer Architecture, Cloud Computing, Cryptography and Software Management to name a few. The continuous evaluation system followed by my institute made sure that I was thorough with my concepts regarding the coursework and tested how well I applied what I had learnt in an equally effective way. 

 

In the 4 years of my engineering studies, I was involved in various academic projects. Quite a few of my projects in one way or the other revolved around the use of information and it’s importance on the systems I developed, and these were the ones that I enjoyed the most. It was this eagerness to learn more about data driven systems that I worked on the idea of maximizing an organization’s influence in a competitive social network as my final year major project. I was successful in achieving an 83% influence mechanism, but more importantly learnt a great deal about scalable systems and the importance of data analysis.

 

In my current role at Intuit as a developer with the QuickBooks Enterprise Team, I work on a number of initiatives ranging from enhancing our product by making database schema modifications to solving core customer pain points. Provided that our team accounts for roughly 7 % of Intuit’s revenues, I have learnt how to analyze customer problems and come up with effective technical solutions in an environment where every team member’s work is highly critical. However, in this industry for me to be capable of making the right decisions which would affect the design and functioning of information systems or assist in managing crucial projects, it seems clear that a deeper understanding about these technologies and a business sense about them is a must. 

 

I believe that the balance, which your school’s MSIS curriculum offers between core and specialized courses along with experiential learning, is a major factor why I am drawn towards your program. I am confident that the guidance provided by renowned Professors at your Institute coupled with studying along side other high quality students would definitely benefit my learning process. Any course is incomplete without executing what one has learnt, and this is where I feel the Capstone Project and Case Studies, which your program offers, add such great value. Moreover, the trust top organizations continue to show in your program by hiring your students for various important roles in their firm, validates the fact that your school’s MSIS program would undoubtedly assist me in becoming a well rounded IT leader.  

 

While studying at the Kelley School of Business would be a great opportunity, being a part of its campus community is something I am greatly looking forward to. Having been the college representative for NITK's entrepreneurship cell, technical lead at the Indian Society for Technical Education and a core member of Intuit’s Next Generation Network, I have been heavily involved in organizing events, driving career growth initiatives and successfully working on a couple of startups in college. These experiences have added a new dimension to my personality and have benefited the respective platforms in an equal way. I am confident that if selected I would help add value to on going campus activities with the same drive and passion. 

 

The MSIS program at the Kelly School of Business will undoubtedly help me gain a competitive edge and a strong foothold in a career that offers boundless opportunities for progress. I hope the Admission Committee shares my enthusiasm and confidence, and I look forward to a favorable reply.

 

[DogsArePeopleToo]

OK, so I'm not an IT or business person, but here is some general feedback that should hopefully be helpful:

Your essay does a good job of setting out why you want an MSIS and why you want it from the Kelley Business School. Kudos, thumbs up. Here's some more:

48 minutes ago, Ashah9 said:

my goal of becoming an Information Technology leader with the right business acumen and managerial drive

In the non-STEM fields I'm familiar with, applicants are generally encouraged to be more specific about their long-term goals and what the program helps them achieve beyond being "a leader," or "activist" or "manager" or "influencer." You might want to think about that.

48 minutes ago, Ashah9 said:

Through the course of my undergraduate studies in Computer Science at the National Institute of Technology, Karnataka (NITK) and industrial experience as a software developer with Intuit Inc., I have been convinced time and again that today’s is a highly data driven world.

1

For an opening line, that seems on the longer side and could be catchier. I know you're trying to fit in the broader context, but generally it helps to start with a catchy attention grabber.

 

48 minutes ago, Ashah9 said:

In my current role at Intuit as a developer with the QuickBooks Enterprise Team, I work on a number of initiatives ranging from enhancing our product by making database schema modifications to solving core customer pain points. Provided that our team accounts for roughly 7 % of Intuit’s revenues,

This is good detail and contextualizes you within Intuit. Unless it's a restatement of what you have on your resume, which I'm assuming you will submit as part of your application package. If so, revise this bit. Use the space to tell something about you that's not a repeat of the resume.

There are also places where your terminology seemed a bit foreign to me. Maybe they make sense to someone in the field, but here are some of the places that I thought were a bit jargon-y:

• "database schema modifications"
• "I was successful in achieving an 83% influence mechanism" - is 83% A+ or A or B+? A bit of contextualization might help. Also, what's "influence mechanism"?

A few minor grammar points:

• Having studied from at one of India’s top technical institutes
• In the 4 four years of my engineering studies
• add value to on going ongoing campus activities
• regarding this sought after sought-after technology
• information and it’s its importance
• data driven data-driven systems

These are just some things that stood out to me. Overall, it's a great essay. Best of luck!

Edited September 20, 2016 by DogsArePeopleToo

[Ashah9]

Hey, thanks a lot! This really helps

[DogsArePeopleToo]

1 minute ago, Ashah9 said:

Hey, thanks a lot! This really helps

Best of luck with your application!