Help Critique my GRE Argument Essay?

[sdfiguer]

I just wrote my second Argument essay for my first practice exam that I took with Magoosh; however, I have no idea how this essay would be scored. Any feedback/score estimations would be extremely helpful! I will of course return the favor my critiquing any essays that you are working, if you would like. Thanks!

SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's current headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

 

 

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.  

The reasoning behind SuperCorp's move to Corporateville from Middlesburg does not follow a clear line of logic. First and foremost, Supercorp states that the large increase in Corporateville homeowners is proof that Middlesburg is highly inferior to the former city. After this statement, SuperCorp fails to expand upon the details behind Corporateville's increase in homeowners. For example, whether or not the homeowners from Corporateville originated from Middlesburg or another city is not completely clear. New Corporateville homeowevers could have attempted to migrate to Middlesburg; however, many Middlesburg houses may not have been for sale.

SuperCorp also failed to embelish on details behind the survey that they administered to their employees. Little information is given to the amount of employees surveyed, the demographics of the surveys employees, and the types of questions asked on the survey. If the survey is re-administered, it is possible that the results may suggest that SuperCorp employees prefer living in an urban area. Also, it is important to consider the age-range of SuperCorp employees. For example, if the majority of SuperCorp employess are between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, it is not likely that SuperCorp employees are homeowners. As a result, their preference of living in a non-urban area is not closely linked to the number of homeowners in Corporatevilee.

Corporateville is claimed to be more affordable than Middlesburg due to lower taxes; however, SuperCorp does not state how and when this information was obtained. Corporateville may have lower taxes at the point in time which Corporateville researched tax infomation; however, Middlesburg may be cheaper in the long run. Even if Middlesburg does have higher taxes than Corporateville, the cost of living may be far cheaper in Middlesburg. SuperCorp fails to consider this key aspect in comparing affordability between the two cities.

 

Overall, SuperCorp does not justify their translocation to Corporateville in a compelling manner. The corporation should have examined their reasoning before moving to a different city. Such faulty reasoning may potentially cause a drop in employment rates and even cause their existing employees to find another job in Middlesburg. Without considering the reasoning behind homeowner rates, employee demographics, and the overall cost of living, it is difficult to determine whether or not Corporateville is superior than Middlesburg.

[Varun95]

This is my first review and I am also in the stages of practicing writing essays. According to me the reasoning and the assumptions are correct and stated properly. The essay could have been more cogent. A score range that I would give this would be 4 to 5. This is just my personal opinion.

I have also written two essays, if you could review them I'd be grateful.