GRE Analytical Wiriting - Issue Topic

[Sefat Mohammady]

Argument Topic

The following appeared in a health magazine.

"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

The author talks about the healthful lifestyle of Forsythe people and trying to ascribe it to the government recommendation for nutritional plan for the people. The passage has mentioned a survey made in this region and highlights evident the increase and decrease of kiran and sulia respectively. There are several flows in this argument that need to be addressed to strengthen it.

First, the author claims that the people of Forsythe has adopted more healthful lifestyle but has not list all the possible causes that may happened. For example, sport and it is vital role are also important that need to be included in the passage to define the term healthy lifestyle. Thus, the author should furnish more explanation about several possible motives that may have resulted or not such healthy lifestyle for the people of Forsythe.

Second, the passage contains that a survey has conducted but do not give more detail about the survey to validate the information. They passage lacks important information about the survey. Who has performed the survey, how many persons are interviewed, what questions are asked are all details need to verify the information provided. The author should give detail to these inquiries to substantiate that the data of the survey is accurate and determining about this argument.

Third, human body gets its required vitamins and minerals from different foods. Increase in usage of kiran and decrease in sulia are not enough evident to get the credit of causing healthy lifestyle for Forsythe people. Even, lesser or excess taking kiran and sulia may do not affect the healthy lifestyle. The author should provide clear evident that shows people need more kiran and less sulia and they can get those elements from other foods. Then, It would be believable that increase in usage of kiran and decrease in sulia has helped the society to remain more healthy.

In conclusion, the passage contains several flaws that need more information and supportive. There would be more causes to healthy lifestyle, validity of the survey conducted, and the necessity of taking kiran and sulia for human body are the topics that need more support to be addressed by the author. Supporting this point may strengthen the argument well.

Your comments are needed.

 

Thank you,

 

[I_Charge_by_the_foot]

I've gotten all 5s on my essays (taken the gre 3 times). It doesn't mean I know a lot, but it helps to hear my perspective. So, errors (tons of them): "they", "evident", "supporting this point may strengthen the argument well," "Even, lesser or excess," "sport and it is,"... 

 

You have quite a handful of grammatical errors. You're better off memorizing perfectly written lines that are generic enough to insert in places you know they fit. For example, the introduction can almost all be trivially written and plugged into all argument essays with a handful of keywords. I recommend watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRj0CAiIehs. This guy really hits home what you need to look for. In fact, I watch this video 1hr before EVERY GRE I take. It really helps refresh what you have to look out for. The "first, furthermore, finally" format works. It really does. I used it in 2/3 of my argument essays.

Problems.
Your intro is vague. Your paragraphs are too short and don't make any interwoven inferences about the prompt.