Undergraduate Lab Director wants me to join his lab, I don't.

[AnOnlinePersona]

Hello,

I am currently a third year engineering student at a top 20 university for the field. I have worked in one of my past professors labs for the last 6 months and they have recently begun to talk to me about their desire for me to join their lab as a graduate student once I finish my undergraduate studies. My problem with this is that while I do appreciate the opportunity they have given me by allowing me to work in the lab, along with the generous offer to join the lab as a graduate student, I do not want to join the lab upon graduation for a few of reasons.

Firstly, while I do want to pursue a graduate degree, I would prefer to pursue one at a different university as I have lived in the same location for my entire life (grew up in same city as the college I am currently attending). Secondly, while the professors research is interesting, it is not of personal interest and is not something I would like to spend 5+ years of my life on, and as such the lab would not be a good fit for me. 

Seeing as I still plan on applying to graduate school and will needs letters of recommendation, I was planning on asking this professor for a letter. How (if at all possible) do I tactfully decline his request for me to join his lab while requesting letters of recommendation for other graduate programs? I feel as though this is disrespectful and rude to him. I also feel that he knows me best and would be able to write a very strong letter of recommendation for me. Any advice? Has anyone been through this before?

Thanks for your time.

Edited March 1, 2017 by AnOnlinePersona

[TakeruK]

It sounds like your main goal is to tell the prof that you don't want to join his lab as a grad student. But, when you talk to him, I think you should have a full conversation about grad school plans in general, not that you don't want to join his lab.

- Either soon or near the end of this school year, ask your advisor if you can have some time to sit down with him and get his advice. Say that you are thinking about applying for grad schools this fall/winter.

- Prepare for this meeting. Think about what you want out of grad school and what you are looking for in a grad research experience. Look up some potential programs where you would be a good fit.

- When you start the meeting, take the initiative and take charge of the conversation. Start by saying that you have really appreciated the experience in his lab and that you also appreciate his time today. Then say what you are looking for in a graduate program, talk about your goals** etc. Then tell him the list of schools you are considering and ask for his advice on the list: are there any schools you're missing? any schools to remove? (**these goals can both be personal, e.g. wanting to live somewhere away from home, as well as research based)

- Ask also about general grad school advice (for both applications and beyond). End with a request for a letter of recommendation. 

These are the steps I would recommend any undergrad considering graduate school to have with their advisors, whether or not that advisor has asked them to stay on as a grad student. In your case, a slight modification could be to either:

- Do this very soon, assuming your advisor only very recently begun talking to you about staying on

- Or, if your advisor asks you about staying on again before you have a chance to ask for a meeting, you can respond with something like, "Actually, while on the topic of grad school, can we talk sometime soon about ..." and then do the first step above.

Ideally, if you take the lead on the grad school conversation, you will be able to convey what you want and make it clear that you are more interested in other programs. It's not super helpful for you to simply say no you don't want to stay on as a grad student and a full conversation about grad school allows you to say that you would like to move on and also start discussion on what to do next. 

Finally, it's not clear if your advisor will really even be that upset if you don't want to stay on. It could be as you say and they would really want you to stay. Or, they might assume that you are interested in grad school and are likely applying to lots of places and they are just offering you a spot in the lab to let you know that you're welcome to stay if you want! So, just start the conversation and find out what's really happening

[AnOnlinePersona]

Fantastic advice, thank you so much.